He Lied for 6 years, what now?

[KRTerp]

I just recently found out my boyfriend of six years has been hiding many lies of cheeting from me over the course of the entire relationship. Looking back he was a very good manipulator to make me think I was over reacting and overly-jelouse. The last girl he cheeted on me was a friend of mine and co-worker of my brother. They litterly did it right under my nose (in our bed). Thanks to my brother, I was finally clued in. She stupidly told people at work! My Ex finally confronted me with "the truth," I am finding out now his "truth" was still littered with lies. He even lied to this girl about intimet details of our relationship, and told her if we werent dating they would. I was stabbed in the back by my Ex and all our friends because they all new. My brother helped me take controll of the situation and stop all communication. The Ex left 4 pethetic messeges and wrote me a letter. I think he wants to make good, and hope that I will esure somekind of future months or years down the road. I have not talked to him at all or communicated with him. He left town to let me move out of his house. I took everything I paid for (except gifts). and toor up all the pictures of me and him and left them on the bed. I am trying so hard not to be spiteful so none of them will ever have a reason to think I am a bad person. I desperately want to talk to him just because I have been ripped from my companion I thought loved me, and I am so lonely. I have no more friends and I am feeling so alone. On the other hand I desperetly want revenge. Although, its sooo hard to stick to the line "the best revenge is living well." Please HELP ME... After 6 years could he date and commit to her that quickly? If I did give him a future garuantee could I EVER trust him again (his letter seemed sincere)? To seek revenge or not?

[Meow18]

I really think the best revenge would be to never speak to him again. I can't believe he had the nerve to do that to you & lie about so many things. He doesn't deserve you.

 

I'm sorry about all this too. I have been cheated on before & I know it hurts so much. It makes you feel like you aren't good enough, but you know what, its them who isn't good enough. Its not your fault they don't have self control, its not your fault in any way. Sometimes when we are cheated on, we blame ourselves & wonder if we did anything wrong. Its so not the case though.

 

He betrayed you. You were loyal to him & he wasn't loyal back. He doesn't deserve you in any way. You were with him for so long too.

 

You know you deserve better. He wants you to get back with him, which is the stupidest thing ever. Did he think he wouldn't hurt you by lying & cheating? He's so selfish. Your trust in him will never come back. You will always wonder what he's doing or if he's lying.

 

Trust me, you are so much better without him. You need a strong guy in your life who can control himself & love only you & want to make only you happy. You don't need a guy who wants other girls on the side. Its not fair to you.

 

I don't think you should take him back ever. Thats your choice though. Can you trust him ever again? Do you think he will change? He cheated on you once, don't you think he will do it again? The best revenge you can do is never talk to him again. It will kill him on the inside knowing that you never want to speak to him again. But he deserves it because he killed you on the inside for what he did.

 

You just have to stay strong & realize that he is not a real man. A real man would never even think about doing this to their girl. Thats the kind of man you deserve & the only man you deserve. Don't be fooled by your boyfriend. He will do anything to get you back, he will say he's sorry, he will promise to never do it again, but really he could just be saying that to fool you & he could cheat on you again. Just be strong & realize that you are much better off without him.

[american dream]

Hi there, so sorry to hear your story. It is heartbreaking, and I know how you miss a companion. I miss mine terribly. My ex did not cheat on me before we broke up, but had someone else lined up and moved on after 3.5 years together within a week (see my story on the breakups tab). It is sooooo hard to lose the person you were with, and I know it is really lonely, but you CAN NOT trust THIS guy. Do not contact him either. If he cheats he cheats, it is who he is. I say this not only from my own experience, but I have many friends (sadly) who have strayed in their relationships and that is just who they are. My friends who have done it feel bad about it later, but they would very likely do it again. In fact my best friend cheated on his girlfriend with another girl I knew WHILE his girlfriend was pregnant. We did not speak for a year and a half. Until his girlfriend forgave him, I would not. She kind of had to because of the baby though. You do not have to forgive this.

 

If you need someone to talk to Private Message myself or other members of this forum and we will get back to you as soon as we can. I found this site and it has helped me a lot. I have gotten a few PM's from people and it really does help to talk with someone who understands your pain and can help you weather the storm.

[sisterlynch]

I don't know how you could go back to someone who treated you like that. The other girls that he did it with are not really worth your anger, even tho I know that you wouldn't see it that way just yet.

 

Let some time go, pick up some new activities to try out and just find yourself for a few years. You can do it, we all would! Given these problems that you faced, I really dont' think that you could see him as a friend or a BF.

[Carthiana]

Putting aside revenge as a choice, life is about living and making YOU who YOU need to be, and the best you can be at that.

 

It is not about finding the best person. That person will be attracted to you for who you are, or you to them for the same reason.

 

It is like I was told much, "actions speak louder than words". A man/woman can beat their spouse and say they love them but they are not /acting/ the way that their words would indicate, thereforeeee you doubt the words they spoke in terms of being truthful or deceitful.

 

Once a person becomes vunerable (goes to someone else for sexual gratification, lies, etc) in doing something that is negative, it is hard to resist that reoccurring spin of events. Stopping drugs, alcohol, smoking, is hard. It is as much a mental thing as a physical/emotional thing. Some people, it takes God to overcome bad ruts in their life. Others, it takes being perspective of your own self, and ways and self improving. But doing those things and IN doing those things, you are 'acting' that way, it is not just words but people will see differences, if even slight ones.

 

Look to see in him what he is, not what you /want/ him to turn out to be so that things can work out.

 

Better yourself, become someone proud of you, and then worry about that other person out there. You come first, after that, you find someone else to pay devotion, and them in return should do that for you. It is a give and take. It is never give give all the time or take take on anyone's part.

 

THis is the best time to readjust your goals and ideals of the kind of things you want that future partner of yours to inhibit. Fine tune your requirements, and don't let someone that is not good enough (you determine that) in to your life.