post BU blues... ouch

[texaslove]

Ex is 35, I am 25... He works for the same company as me and we easily run into eachother, but don't have to actually work together... This of course is now only when I am home on break from grad school. We dated from June 2010 til March 2011, and he broke up with me after a few months of "coldness". I moved two hours away for school in Janurary, and he was so happy for me getting into the hard program I am in for PA. He was excited for me, always laughing with me and being so sweet in the beginning. Wrote me the MOST beautiful poem I have ever read in November for my birthday.. talking about how he now knows he wants to open his life up and accommodate for two people and that i know no wrong in him and he loves me and accepts me and knows that i love and accept him... of course in much better wording than that. But since the end of January he began calling and texting less and less... never asking how school was going, when i would come home on long weekends and stuff he never seemed excited to see me, at all. I began to feel like I was a neusance and in his way. I saw him the week after Valentines day and he was just "eh" about the whole thing and i tried holding back my feelings and tears but the day i left it all came out. He told me that he is working so much and is just spiraling down and he cant eve understand what is going on himself, but that he has no feelings about anything anymore (depressed about everything). I asked why he keeps saying "iloveyou" if he can't feel any emotion and he said its because he does love me, but no matter what i do, try to make him laugh- have fun like going bowling or anything.. it won't actually make him "happy" because he cant feel happy. He said he has been burned in the past and learned to separate emotions from facts and that is what he is doing now... *from my point of view- a workaholic, 65hrs a week on salary so no overtime, and his work doesnt appreciate all he does for them at all! I feel bad for him, because i do love him and all ive ever wanted in for him to be happy, and he said I was "trying too hard" and that nothing i do was going to help the situation because it wasnt about me at all, but him and his workand life... He also told me that im "out of sight out of mind"... OUCH!

 

He broke up with me two months ago the day before my spring break, which I was planning on spending much of that time with him... so talk about heartbreak. Now I am home on a two week break, at work, and walked past him 3 times yesterday and he said nothing to me... Today I finally just walked up to him and said "Hey hows it going" ..short crappy convo and then i walked off... he looks tired and miserable and didnt sound happy at all. I guess its bittersweet, because i am still hurting terribly and so on one hand i am happy that he isnt happy, but on the other i really want him to be happy and maybe get a new better job and possibly even move to virginia to be with his family... I know that being with them and getting out of this work environment would be great for him...

 

This is a guy is someone who i trusted with my heart and fell for quickly even though I really wanted to be cautious. He took me to visit his family in VA (were in ME), in Sept last year.. and they loved me and i loved them, we said we were just friends, but it was definitely more than that. I am also the only "girl" he has brought down there to meet them and so i really thought this was going to be something special...

 

When he broke up with me and told me it was "him not me" I know we all use this line, but I believe most of the statement. I am in no way a perfect girlfriend, but I definitely always tried to be happy, make him happy and show love and support.. but I guess that can only go so far. I cried, and said i was scared of losing him and that i loved him very much... He flat out told me that its just not working and told me I obviously wasn't happy either because the last few times we were together i was always crying about something and he felt terrible about that. He said "i know you wont believe me, but I will miss you..." and i told him he could do whatever he wanted with the picture i had by his bedside, and he said "Im not going to do anything with it, and you aren't losing me... I need to figure this life out and its just not working between us"

 

So I was devastated... and 2 weeks after the bu i sent him a hand written letter saying that i understand he is busy with work and that it wasnt working.. and i respect him and his decision even though i didnt like it... I told him that i know he always had nothing but good intentions for us and that i hoped he would think it over a bit more... "I want to be your girlfriend, and someday something more, but if you feel differently i hope we can at least be friends, because i want to keep our connection and keep the lines of communication open".... I knew i probably wouldnt get a response, but it still hurt when i didnt... So a month after i sent it i also texted him and simply said "A, I know I shouldnt be texting you, but i just wanted to know if you got my letter, hope work is going well.. AJ"

 

NOTHING.. no respone at all.. my mistake i suppose, but you know what... i didnt beg for him back, i just wanted to state that i wasnt mad or angry, just sad about it all and that i do love and want him but i am willing to be understanding and not pressure him about any of it... GLAD to have gotten it off my chest... but damn, i miss him...

[hotnspicychikn]

You've put yourself out there and just got rejected again. I know how that feels. It hurts! He could be just saying that stuff about not losing him to let you down more easily or he could be sincere but either way he has made it clear that he does not want to have contact with you right now. So take the high road and take care of yourself. To continue contacting him and continue to be rejected will just keep opening those wounds, going NC can help you heal. I know it's hard, sorry you are hurting today. Hang in there, it will get better in time.