Little things that piss the bejesus out of me! (rant)

[muchacha_abril]

Let's start with the beginning. I'm pissed. I'm a big fan of post-punk and since I started dating my current boyfriend I have tried to get him into it but he never showed much interest. Today he posts a video of X Ray Spex saying it's "a cool punk song. rip for the artist who died this week".

 

Now, I know someone, someone who he respects very much probably introduced him to this band. I guess I'm pissed that I cannot share my interests with him because he brushes them off as irrelevant. That or he doesn't respect my interests enough to consider them.

 

So, since I'm pissed, I'm remembering other stuff he's done that just gets me more pissed. For example, the time when I woke up in the middle of the night and he was listening to music and crying. When I asked him what was wrong he said that his ex-girlfriend one day had told him that he wasn't a real musician (he likes to make music but only as a hobbie) and that she had hurt his feelings. And he's crying about that now? Two, three years later?

 

I'm pissed. I'm pissed because even though some of you might think this is stupid, to me music is everything. Is my religion, is my philosophy. It saddens me but it mostly angers me and incites every dark instinct of my soul to think that my own boyfriend doesn't respect my tastes or maybe he doesn't think I'm intelligent or interesting enough for him (his ex is a professional cellist).

 

It angers me that I should make a pamphlet out of my life and sell my credentials to people: "yes, I assure you. I'm worth your time. I'm someone that you will be able to show off to your friends". Well, guess what, I'm not. I'm not like that. I don't want to talk about my life as if I have it all figured out because I don't. At the end it just bothers me that he doesn't listen when i show him or tell him something.

 

Anyway, I'm pissed. Sometimes I connect better with people that I don't even personally know. Such is life.

[mad rabbits]

At the end it just bothers me that he doesn't listen when i show him or tell him something.

 

A lot of what you posted complaining about sounds kind of minor (not trivialising your interest in music, I am very into music too), but this ^^ is NOT minor and is the real issue here.

 

If you feel he isn't really interested/responsive to you then you probably shouldn't be dating him.

 

Eventually you might find yourself adopting his own indifferent, dismissive attitude to yourself and that way lies self esteem in the toilet.

[muchacha_abril]

Thanks for your response. I believe you are right on the right track. I think in some way I have already adopted his indifference to how I perceive myself, unfortunately. My dream of an ideal love is to be with someone with whom I can have that kind of communication that I just don't have with this guy. Sigh. What to do.

[dramallama]

One possibility is that he brushed off your suggestions for music is because he feels like you are trying to change him into someone else, or you are pushing him to be interested in things just because you are. He might be more likely to take suggestions from a friend because that friend might just pass it along because it's call, and there is no pressure for him to like it, so he has the choice of listening to it or not. I'm sure there are other things you two could both enjoy together apart from punk music. If it isn't his tastes, then it just isn't. Let go and maybe he will learn to like it on his own. Or maybe not, but he is his own individual person too. If someone like music to the degree that you do, and the same type of genre is a requirement, then so be it. But you shouldn't pressure him to fill that mould because it's as you are not accepting him and HIS interests.

[greywolf]

Is that friend of his a guy? I think that happens a lot when it comes to same sex friends. Often we're not too interested in impressing our partners, but when it comes to a friend, we take them a lot more seriously. And I have noticed that a lot of times, people respect the opinions of people that are of the same sex as them more often than the opposite sex, regardless of whether it's a partner or not. As long as it's not about that don't make much of a difference in the long-run, then I don't think it's that big of a deal, even though it's annoying.