He checks my page everyday...what does it mean?

[girl0096]

my ex checks my online journal page first thing every morning and last thing every nite. He tells me he has a new g/f couple months back but his behaviour is messing me up. any thoughts as to why he is checking? I really don't get it? why does he bother when he chose to end the relationship.

 

thanks.

[Feel free to read my old post if you'd like some context.]

[Duderanomi]

Even if someone breaks up with you, it doesn't mean they stop caring about you. He probably just checks up on you because he cares, it doesn't necessarily mean he's still in love with you.

[Mix Maxster]

OK, well then there are two points I'd like to make on that:

 

1) if this guy still cares then why wouldn't you two be able to talk or do things together mutually??? or soemthing to that affect? It's like if this guy ended the relationship with you, why sneak around with this?

 

2) It may not necessarily mean he does or does not love this girl, but what point does that matter? WHy care?

[PoloGirl]

I understand where you are coming from. My ex-fiancee told me last week,that there is no one in this world that will treat me good like he did......Remind you, he called off the engagement and is now seeing someone else, he claims to be comfortable and happy with. He also said that he does not want me to get married and doesn't want me to talk to anyone, but yet and still, he has somebody. He calls me, and asks me do I miss him, do I still think about him and stuff like that. He is not the cheating type and also a devout christian. Don't looke to hard into what he is doing, because everybody thought that my ex wanted me back, after asking all those questions, but found out last Friday that he was still with this girl and comfortable and happy with her. So stop looking for signs, because sometimes you get the answer that you do not want. If it is meant to be, it will be. Keep God first and I will pray for you girl0096 and also pray for yourself.

[girl0096]

Thanks for all the replies.

I can understand why someone would check because he still cares...but how many times does one need to check before he gets the idea that i am ok and that i am not for him to care anymore, he chose to give that up. Its been six months, he still checks everyday.

 

To be honest, its bittersweet. On one hand, its nice to know that he still thinks of me, on the other hand, it makes me sad because yes, he is with someone else and still doing this. i feel betrade.

 

to mix master: i couldn't agree with you more...i don't understand why he broke up with me and sneaking around like this. maybe i should take your advice and just don't care anymore. ....but its hard. easier said than done i suppose.

 

guys think i should just confront him and ask what is the deal?

[Mix Maxster]

Well that's not quite what I meant in a sense. My points were to kind of get the message accross of WHY would he even bother to do this. Anothers response would be something like "he does it probably because he still cares" if that's true, why does he care? and why is girl0096 being kept in the dark about it then?

 

To put it bluntly IF this guy didn't care he would have no reason to check up on you UNLESS he was jealous of you getting further ahead in the getting over the other person game. So if he checks this thing like everyday I ask why it is it's important to you as to why he checks it? Does that fix anything for you? Does it somehow give you hope?

 

That's for you to figure out this guy MAY be doing it because he still cares and wants to know how you're doing, but perhaps he's afraid of confronting you on something. Who knows it could be on the subject of getting back together, it could be on the subject of why it all went wrong, it could be for closure and it may be to try and work things out so you two could be friends. I don't know, but it may even be because he does care but it hurts him too much to actually see you or talk to you, so he'd rather just stick to checking on your site.

[emotionography]

Honestly, I have the ability to do the same thing on my online journal. While my ex isn't as frequent as yours at checking up on me, she still does.

 

We haven't been broke up for very long.

 

First of all, if you're the dumpee, then he probably feels bad and does care about you, just like everyone has said so far. but you also may need to take into consideration that he may feel inadaquet or subconsciously rejected at the truth that you've moved on.

 

Chances are, if his behavior is messing you up, then he's probably not happy with his new girlfriend and is feeling some form of regret. Perhaps he has discovered that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

It would probably be best to just take it for face value: he wants to be able to check up on you to see that your life is growing without him in a private way that doesn't require him to involve himself in your life. He probably doesn't want to pressure you into thinking about getting back together because he may feel 'stuck' in a situation with his new girlfriend. However, if he knows that you have the ability to check to see who's been reading your journal, then he could be purposely trying to stay on your radar (and in your thoughts).

 

I think it would be a good idea if you confronted him about it. If he's purposely trying to keep your attention, then it's definitely something deserves discussion. Being constantly reminded of your ex doesn't help you move along in your personal growth.

 

of course, i'm no professional.

[girl0096]

Mix Maxster:

You are right, i do wonder. Why does he cares? Why am i kept in the dark about it.

 

You ask why it is important to me as to why he checks. Great question. i think it does give me hope and that deep inside i believe that he checks because he still have feelings for me. As for fixing anything...no, it fixes nothing.

 

maybe he does have something to say to me. and i don't know what it is. So what am i to do? just ignore what has been going on?

 

Emotionography: Yes, i am the dumpee and no, he doesn't know that i know that he checks my page. so given that, think i should discuss it with him?? does your advice still apply?

 

I am also abit ashamed to admit this but i think i am the one that actually tries to stay on his radar by updating my page regularly. i can't help it. don't know if that is the true reason why he checks though.

 

Personally, i don't think its fair that he still gets the satisfaction on knowing stuff about my life when he consciously chose to leave it. he gave that up and now its just stealing.

[Mix Maxster]

And yet I bet if you confronted him on it he'd probably run away from it instead of talking to you about it. Think about that one.

[emotionography]

Maxster's definitely got a good perspective on it.

 

If he doesn't know, then you'd probably surprise the crap out of him and sending him running.

 

You gotta determine what you want from the relationship. You really need to stopping checking to see if he's reading your journal or not because it's just going to make you feel worse if you don't want to have a relationship with him.

 

What do you mean by his behavior messing you up? What has he been doing to make you feel strange? Is he flirting? Making you feel regretful? Trying to guilt trip you?

 

I think he's got himself a new hubby just as a quick fix. He could just be insecure about himself in relationships. I need to find your first post so i can read further into it.

[girl0096]

link removed

[emotionography]

hmm... i would say: move on. Who cares if he's reading your journal - public online journals are meant to be read by the public, and he is the public. If you find yourself carefully constructing what you're saying in your blog as if you were talking or broadcasting in his direction, then you're showing him that you're not comfortable with his decision.

 

Is this guy the one? Sure you've shared a lot of intimate moments and have lots of great memories, but you also have a lot of bad memories and have tried getting back together with him before and it fail. You didn't go into much detail about the things that were pushing you apart - what are you responsible for in this, what kind of things have you learned from yours and his mistakes?

 

I'm guessing you two have communication issues. Sure, going over problems is great... only if they're the important ones. Chances are he'll run away if you confront him about it. There's no use in trying to grow a dead plant.

 

What you need to do is take his reading for face value. He probably cares, he probably wants to keep track of you. But you definitely shouldn't be looking into everything that he does. If he doesn't know that you know he's reading, then put it out of your mind. Don't check on it, don't focus on it. You'll only drive yourself nutty if you're over analyzing the whole thing.

 

Just think about it for a while and come to a conclusion of what you want. It sounds like the two of you built a relationship on a pretty weak foundation. so if you decide that you want to be apart of his life, try to start from scratch and don't rush into anything you're not sure of, even if it feels comfortable or 'right'. You need to think with your head in the long run.

[girl0096]

thinking with my head....relationships is the one thing that i think should not be thought by the brain. i know how you mean though given the situation. The bottom line is that i don't feel that its over. It feels very open ended and am also feeling kinda suck. you are right...we do have a communication problem, s/t that wasn't addressed properly. he is also the very stubborn type, hard to make a cow drink so to speak.

 

Face value: well, if he is keeping tabs on me, i want to know why....why does he bother? obviously there is s/t there, and i want him to see that. how can i do that given my circumstances (of no contact)? can i even? or am i suppose to sit back and hope that he will see soon?

[girl0096]

its been a while. today i am feeling sad. everyday stress is hard enough, but this week, it feels like i am thinking of him more than usual. i feel like screaming but there is no sound. i can only describe it as frustration. does anyone know what i am talking about?

[Mix Maxster]

No, you're crazy.