I've discovered a fault in myself

[StandTall]

I am coming to the horrid realization that I am not perfect! Haha. All kidding aside, I have had a pattern of dating people based on looks and success. I suppose you may get lucky one day utilizing this technique, but it usually leads you to someone bossy, overly-independent, cold and business-like. Seems like most of the women I have dated recently fall into this category. The event that brought my problem to light was a girl I've been talking to, but have not yet met- We have a date tonight. I met her online, and she looks cute and adorable. I could tell from reading her ad that she most likely has a warm side and a good heart. So we talked by phone, and she told me that she is working as a receptionist, and attending Cosmetolegy School. As horrible as it sounds, the first thought in my mind was- "Do I want to date a Cosmetolegist?" We talked for a few minutes, and I asked if she would like to meet over the weekend. She said that would be great, and asked if I had Saturday night plans as it was Friday already. I was blown away- Most of the women I have dated are far too polluted to committ to a Saturday night even after 2 dates, and here was someone not only committing to it, but asking me. I sank, and realized that I have made some really poor choices for the wrong reasons. I am successful and driven, but far from wealthy. I have pursued women who are both not because I wanted anything material from them, but because I was raised with such an importance being placed on success and wealth. I felt that I was successful by proxy for being with them. This has caused me immeasurable pain. I don't know what the outcome of tonight's date will be, but I can assure you that I will be going with an open mind. Thoughts?

[Paradise]

Well my immediate thoughts were that you are a noble man, otherwise you would not have the courage and innitiative to look at, and inside yourself in this way. First of all, do not be hard on yourself. That get's you no where. Making mistakes is the best part of life.... because when we stop learning we stop living. Enjoy your errors as a reminder that you are alive and growing. If you try to avoid mistakes, you might as well visit a graveyard and hang out there. Jump in life with both feet and welcome new experiences.

 

Secondly, do not discourage yourself by thinking you set false or superficial standards. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. And if you force yourself to be with someone who serves a purpose in proving to yourself that you are balanced and not superficial, than you may end up resenting that person for swaying you away from your true desire or dream girl. That being said, keep in mind that every girl out there is different, do not try to categorize them. Your 'special' person is growing and learning too, and a cosmetolegist this year may not be a cosmetologist in 5 years. What you fall in love with is not her occupation, it's her heart. Once you get to know her better you will be in a better position to decide if she is peaceful, joyful, loving and inspirational. If you are driven professionally, you may need a girl who supports that without necessarily being the same. The best support can come from someone who doesn't require the same from you, but rather a different kind of energy. The give and take from both sides need not be the same type. Actually, most successful relationships I have witnessed are those that have different professional drives. Business-like ambitions may require an emotional-driven mate. They balance eachother out.

 

Enjoy your date tonight as a gift from above (or whatever you believe to be the higher-power). Because even if you decide not to date her again, you have experienced something that teaches you about yourself. Knowing yourself is the key to personal success and professional success. Learn, laugh and love without being afraid. You will have fun based on your attitude, but you will fall in love based on the unique qualities she has to offer. Listen to her and listen to yourself. Be true to you and continuously seek your hearts desire.

 

All my best, T.

[StandTall]

Wow, the 1st post and it is of great comfort. I half way expected to be chastised for being some shallow kind of guy. I am glad you read my post in the context in which it was intended. I am just in such a confusing place right now. I kind of feel that this is "Dating 101" and I am starting all over again. I look forward to some enjoyment from it when least expected. We'll see how the date goes- I'm trying to go with no expectations.