Ex Has A Girlfriend. Just Found Out. So Much Pain

[cardinalsings]

I found out through facebook that my ex has a girlfriend. I lost my mind when I found out. I am still in love with my ex and I think about him everyday no matter what I do. I have tried not to and nothing helps. I just numb myself to the pain these days. I can't seem to heal. I can't seem to stop remembering our times together, how I felt with him, our memories, I can't stop hoping no matter what that maybe he still loves me deep down and misses me terribly and up until now I truly believed and felt that he still loved me and missed me but was restraining himself because he felt we couldn't be together because we fought too much....something is wrong with me if at five months I feel like I'm living in the past. I don't know who his new girlfriend is yet because there is no indication of him having one through facebook but a friend wrote it was nice to meet his girlfriend so that is how I know...

 

He broke up with me almost five months ago (shy of two weeks right now) and we dated for four years with one break up after our second year that was instigated by me and lasted two months until he won me back. I am beside myself that he has a girlfriend. I knew this day would come, but honestly I'm shocked it came so soon. I don't feel like there has been enough time that has passed but I guess maybe for him it seems longer than it does for me.

 

I cried today and spent the day mourning. My head has been spinning particularly because if I look at some facebook evidence I've found, it looks like it might be this girl I considered a friend. Not best of friends but she is someone who I've known for two years before she met my ex in September of last year while doing a show. She and I both work at the same place but we hardly see each other. The times we have, we spent lots of time together going home and chatting about life and I discussed my relationship with my ex at the time when I was still with him and told her many private and even awful things about him and how terribly he treated me. I even saw her after the break up and she didn't seem interested in him and she even told me she noticed negative things about him that I had told her while doing that show with him and she said his friends were strange....yet I found out she went to support one of his friends in his play (and I'm certain she had to have gone with my ex to see it) and facebooked him about what a great job he did...long story short its looking to me like it's almost certain from facebook actions/posts I've seen that she is the girlfriend.

 

So basically my head is reeling. Because I doubly feel pangs of pain knowing he has a girlfriend already who I believe he is in love with and that it may be someone I considered somewhat a friend who I confided those personal details to. Now she can tell my ex all I ever told her and also feel comfortable dating him because she knows how badly he treated me and how bad the relationship was with me...meaning no reason to be jealous or upset or worry he could not be over me and our four year relationship. And I can't help feeling betrayed and confused why she would go out with him after all I told her about him. I can't help wondering also how she would think it's ok to do that to me too...not even have decency to tell me also.

 

And I'm just shocked he has a girlfriend. I don't even understand who would date him to be honest...and it seems so quick to me and so odd and also based on the things he told me when breaking up and based on how well I knew him, he is a person who takes things slow and he doesn't jump into things. He is the guy who would date a few people at once and who I thought would do the single bachelor thing for a long time before settling on someone. Especially, since he has kept very very busy since our break up by taking on so many jobs, it seems to me like he was too busy to date lots of girls and I even sense that he hasn't. So this may be the first girl or perhaps second girl to come into his life after me and he has made her his girlfriend.

 

Honestly, in my heart I thought it would take him a long time to get over me before he could date someone else exclusively even though I knew he would just hide his feelings and put them away and act happy. I now feel like this tells me just how little he loved me and respected me if he already moved on to getting SERIOUS with a girl and making her his girlfriend. I've dated a lot and probably more than him since the break up but I'm nowhere near ready yet for a relationship and it's definitely too soon in my eyes since the BU to take anything seriously with anyone. I just feel like I've been replaced so quickly because he had to have started dating this girl in Feb or March for her to be his girlfriend at this point. And on top of that, I'm terrified his girlfriend may be someone I trusted as a friend and felt camaraderie with. My world feels upside down. I feel I should never trust anyone again as a friend or as a lover and it's an awful feeling. I especially feel like the person I thought he was is not the person he is anymore and even worse, maybe he never was and I was blind.

[owl27]

Break ups are so painful on many levels. Now with the "wonderful" world of facebook, google, etc. we get to SEE all the "great" things our exes are doing. Makes the healing even harder. Have you read any books about getting over someone? I have found that reading about the subject TRULY helps. "He's just not that into you" is a good one. Also "face it--you're not that into him either" and "they call it a break up because it's broken" Check the local library. All in all, time will eventually help ease the pain.

[Di84]

I feel your pain

My ex of 4 yrs moved on so fast and it's been 6 months since we broke up. I think of him every day and night.. it's pathetic.

Don't beat yourself up over him being with someone new... pls don't do that. You deserve so much better and at this point, as hard as it may be, there is no point in wasting any more tears on him. Him having a new gf should make it easier for you to let go now and realize you deserve to be loved. You will find love again, dont worry. And just bc he met someone new doesnt mean she is his soul mate. Maybe this relationship will fizzle (made that word up but you get what i mean! and you will end up meetin the man of your dreams! Stay positive and stay away from facebook for a while - for your own sake of healing. Tell yourself you're better than that and your new man is just around the corner too! Patience is a virtue. Don't forget that. You never know....in the end, you may end up happier then your ex

[dramallama]

All you can do is allow yourself to get over the shock and feel the pain. I guess you thought that he was going to come back. Even though there's always a slim chance, at this point it's unlikely. It will take time to let go of the future you thought and wished might happen. Have you blocked him from facebook? I know that everybody is different and you were broken up for almost five months now, but how long have you actually been in NC, including not internet stalking him or asking friends, or even being in contact? Someone can be 5 months out of a relationship, but still as hurt as if it were Day 1 because they haven't taken action to move on, or to stop stoking the fire.

[thewendy]

Oh honey, I feel your pain. Please block him and the new girlfriend on Facebook right away, because from this point on, ignorance is bliss. All you can do right now is get used to that painful information, move on and let go. The future is still bright--anything can happen. They may or may not work out, he may or may not regret his decision of replacing you. But nothing can happen until you learn to accept the reality of the present time, and then move on with your life. It's the only way to go. Feel free to message me if you need to vent some more, as I am on the same boat as you.

[MakeItCount]

Seeing her with another guy sucked at first. Then it got better. And better. Kind of like a finality to it all, and it gave me the full strength to go NC and not look back. I haven't had an urge to contact her in months. It does get better, I promise you. Just let the shock settle down, cry when you feel like it.

[twitchyfingers]

It's a shock to the system, no doubt about it. But ultimately this might be the turning point for your healing.

 

As hard as it might be, don't take his getting a new gf as some indication that you are less worthy. You don't know the particulars of their relationship, or his emotional state -- it may be him just flailing in a rebound that is doomed to crash and burn. Who knows?

 

Just keep remembering the reasons why you two aren't together -- the bad times, the fights -- and keep reminding yourself of all the work you are putting into yourself. Since you mentioned jealousy issues while you were together, this is a great opportunity to confront those issues in yourself, so your next relationship will be smoother sailing.

 

Hang in there. It sucks, but it won't always suck this bad!