28 days nc, Why do i still miss her so much ?

[Confused28645]

3 weeks since BU for me, (well the break up that was never officially a break up, im just assuming given that I have been ignored for that length of time). I did try to contact him a couple of times, but have had no response. I am now doing NC. Some days I think I almost feel ok, other days I feel like I am at breaking point. Yesterday was a bad one, today i'm not so sure yet. Posting on here helps.

 

I really struggle to give in and cry because part of me is so angry at being treated like this that I almost feel ashamed of myself for crying over him. So I bottle it up and refuse to let go. When I feel 'ok' I really just feel numb. When i'm bad, I feel like I can't breathe and am overwhelmed with a feeling of panic, anxiety and sadness. I just wish it would stop.

[stevef20]

Hey confused,

 

I can't promise it will stop but I can promise that it gets easier, I went through hell post bu during the first weeks and even now hurt lots sometimes, its part of the healing process sadly and takes a long time.

 

When you love someone and have to give that person up even though its the last thing you want to do, it hurts, it hurts Sooo bad, please know this is normal and try and take at least a tiny crumb of comfort that you are not alone.

[Danny77]

Day 37, every week and everyday is different from the last. It is better then the first few weeks but I still miss her like crazy! I feel like as the dumpee if it's getting easier,then as the dumper, she must be feeling great by now...and that sucks! But maybe I'm wrong so on I go...stay the course...

 

Livestrong!

 

I Dont think that's true Thad they are loads happier.

I think they skip grief as they thinks as thr dumper they are feeling good.

3 months later they start to panic and feel bad. That's why NC works out after about 3 months.

[livestrong23]

I Dont think that's true Thad they are loads happier.

I think they skip grief as they thinks as thr dumper they are feeling good.

3 months later they start to panic and feel bad. That's why NC works out after about 3 months.

 

Hope ur right....

[O-shen]

Hey steve, hope you are well mate.

Its been about 5 weeks for me now, and things have been interesting. First i was naturally traumatised, after a few weeks i got better quickly. After 4weeks i was doing very well, then for no apparent reason at all, i came crashing down and felt as i did on day 1. It was horrible. Since then i did some real soul searching. And i mean real digging around, my feelings, my needs, what was causing my sadness. It was over last weekend that i read a post on here that made a switch go off in my head. I did alot of research into it and also asked the poster a few personal questions and he was happy to help.

 

I am a new man now. I am not healed by a long way, but i refuse to feel sad, and sorry for myself. Wat does it achieve? nothing. I realise that now. It is amazing. 1 day i felt i was going to die without my ex. 2 days later and a lot of research, and you know what. I feel sorry for her, and feel she is damaged. I still love her and care deeply for her, but realise, she didn't want to help herself, and i was not put on this earth to save her, but god knows, i tried. So i am saving myself instead, and BOY, isnt that a hell of alot easier.

 

I dont argue with myself, or second guess my thoughts and i dont push myself or the help i am offering away. If only i had realised that earlier, that the amount of energy i was using to try and save her, save us and fix everything was so huge and yet i never noticed. I only notice now as i am putting all that into myself and it is working wonders.

 

For all the heartbroken out there, that may even want the ex back, and would do almost anything to have them back.....i suggest to you......put all that effort into yourself.

 

P.s. steve, you'll have to let me know how all that rockclimbing/wakeboarding went

[Danny77]

5 weeks NC

Dumpee.

Want only to feel better again.

I feel sometimes like I`m no good. Like she was the better half of us.

Funny thing is, I never felt like that during the relationship.

That was when I was me, I had my self esteem then.

She took it when she left.

but, she cant keep it. Those diamonds will turn to sand and she`ll be left with nothing as time goes by.

Meanwhile.... I have the power to create new ones.

 

I swear to you all that I am going to find someone better.

I know I will.

 

Someone that doesnt make you feel insecure by being so thoughtless.

Someone that will stick by you, no matter what.

Someone with a strengh that grows everyday, not fades.

I will be with her forever.

 

My ex will be nothing more than a wonderful memory for me to enjoy at my own lesuire.

 

As for now.

None of this will happen until I get up and get out again.

So let`s lift our bodies up off the sofa and take them somewhere else today.

Let`s commit our minds to our happieness today.

Everything she has I am giving her right now.

 

Funny thing is that they are also trying to do the same thing right now.

So what are we waiting for.

 

IM GONNA GO TO THE PARK AND NAME THE PIGEONS WHILE MAKING A FUN STYLE SITCOM OF THEM IN MY HEAD!!

THEN...... IM GONNA BUY AN ICE CREAM. COZ I LIKE ICE CREAM.

[Laylan]

Danny77

I like your post, it made me smile and think better of myself. Thank you!

 

I am day 31NC and having a hard time today. I remember being the rock in my relationship and my ex bf expected me to be. He left me and crushed me yet i still sit here sad. I should be happy, getting better, taking care of me!!! I hope i get to that very soon because this pain is not fun!!

[stevef20]

Hi shen, thanks for your post fella, ill send you a pm about everything

 

Danny, I have to agree with laylan, that's a great post mate, I like the attitude, think you should post it as a thread.

 

Layman, day 31 is still so early hon, please don't beat yourself up, let the pain happen as its the only way to heal but each day try to do just a little more for you.

 

Everyone is here for you all guys, let's stick together.

 

Steve

[FloydPinkerton]

It seems like the healing process, although it definitely gets better with time, is by no means linear.

 

I have been almost 3 months N.C. Is Day 90 or so, better than Day 1? Absolutely. I'm light years ahead of where I thought I would be in terms of emotionally healing.

 

But that doesn't mean that Day 20, for example, was definitely better than Day 6. This pain just kinda comes in waves, and if you can ride those waves out (easier said than done as I'm sure you all will agree!), over time they become less and less frequent.

 

I'm not 100% yet, probably more like 70-75% or so but time really, really does help. Just be prepared for the inevitable bumps in the road on your journey.

[stevef20]

Well said Floyd, was my exs bday last weekend, i was hurting so bad nut I still think I'm getting there, perhaps 65% in percentage terms.

 

Ride the waves and you'll see that each trough gets that tiny bit easier.

[Kev0s1983]

I post less and less these days but wanted to support the oppnion of time helping. It is an easy thing to say, really easy thing to say. When you are so early in the stages after a breakup (and choose the NC route like i did) it really feels as though nothing will change, nothing will alter, your life is a chore, misery envelops you and everything is a struggle. (If you are anything like I was anyway!).

 

However, Monday was the 12 week mark of NC. I feel a kajillion times better than i did back then and neevr thought i would get out of the hell i was in. I think something clicked inside of me a few days ago, Im not allowing my ex to make me feel like sh*t anymore. Im bored of feeling that way. She doesnt deserve to have the magic aura over me anymore and so to hell with her. She has zero idea about me and probably does not know im 12,000 miles away and have been for a couple of months now. I am working on me, getting fit, eating better than i have ever done and it is all becoming habit. A habit that I will keep and will put me in a great position for the next lucky girl I deem worth enough of to share some of MY life, some of MY precious time.

 

If your ex treated you badly, to hell with them. There ARE more people out there, be them male (i know cos im one of the good guys) or female (they are out there too, there are enough that frequent this site alone!) so keep your chin up and accept each day until you are ready to give your heart to someone new.

 

Steve - been a while my friend hope your doing well. You are sounding good these days and Im so pleased last weekend you held your nerve. Not an easy time.

[stevef20]

Cheers buddy,

 

Certainly was a tough one but I'm still here and I got through without breaking nc, it was never in doubt. Yeah right

 

I am getting there kev, been over 2 months now and although still have my moments, on the whole things are going ok and certainly in the right direction.

 

You sound like a new man mate, when I last spoke to you, you were in a very bad place, I'm really pleased you got out the other side, good on you, I'm guessing having the family home again has made a huge difference to you.

 

I like your post Kev, speak soon fella.