hurtgurl Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I am so hurt at the moment Im struggling to do anything. My BF of 3 years practically ignored me yesterday and has been scarse for the last few weeks. I said some pretty horrible things yesterday of which Im not proud but he just kept ignoring me and sent one text saying was out with friends would call me when home. Ive heard nothing since, he hasnt replied to my text and I don't think he will. I suspect there is another woman involved. Yesterday I was very suicidal and almost did something about it. What hurts most today is that he wont text me back and offers no explanation. I know we are finished, this is too bad to go back on. But surely I deserve some explanation???? Sureley ??? He has really hurt me more than I have ever hurt in my life and I really don't know how to get past this. Any advice for moving on because at the moment Im on the sofa in my pjamas and have been taking sleeping tablets to block it all out. I just want to wake up and feel better Link to comment
Sweetkisses22 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I know exactly how you feel because im going through the same thing. My ex just disapeared. First ignored me then left me after over a year together. It hurts like hell. Idk whatother advice to give you except to notbharm yourself. Its not your fault its him. Don't make the situation any worse. Just let time heal. Im hoping that's what will happen with me. Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Did he give any explanation? That's what hurts the most The not knowing ..... Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Im going to have to try really hard not to text him again for my own sanity, it is hard though Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 my ex ditched me after nearly 9 years and a kid together for another guy.....i will tell you i was in the worst place in my life....you can check out my thread....it was horrific....i too thought the only way to get rid of the pain was suicide.....i mean all i could think about was the pressure on my chest.....ohh man it hurts, ive never felt any pain like this in my life.....i just wanted to die.....SHE EMOTIONALLY RAPED FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS AND I WAS A WRECK! Then i took control...i have not had much closure, we have a kid, ive never even seen where he stays when he is with her, i dont know the new dudes name, I KNOW NOTHING about her...not a thing now...i see my son and thats it. So, where as I was in so much pain, thinking about taking my life, i found reasons to not do it...my son being the main reason and im sure there are people who love you and would hurt more than you are now if you did something silly. so.....what are you gonna do when life throws a curve ball at you? you can sit there in ya p'js and wallow in pitty...or you can take control of your life!!!! This is gonna hurt, but here's what i did.....I joined a football team straight away and made new friends...when i just wanted to hide away and cry i never once phoned in sick to work because of this, i walked around in a daze for a long time, but i got up in the morning and i went regardless. I cut my contact with her, i see her every week for my son, but i dont even look at her...i ignore her msgs and i smile! I talked...to everyone and anyone that would listen...i talked about my bu so much in the end i just had nothing else left to say... I made a diary, from day one i wrote down how i felt, things she said, and she said some hurtfull things to me including she got caught up in having a kid with me and we shoulda ended a long time ago....nice eh! i wrote it down, i vented!!!! Ya know what else i did....i cried...i cried on my mum, on my sister, i cried on my boss, i broke down in works toilets, i cried when i drove my car, i would break down when i had my son, i cried when i got home to an empty house one day...hell i feel like crying now! I then realised that this is not me....i wasn't born feeling like this...and i wont die like it either...this is a feeling, and like all feelings, it will go with time!!! The MOMENT you decide to get your life together, no matter how hard, is the moment you start healing....the continued wonder and search for answers will keep you locked into a deep dark hellish pain on which there will be escape and will consume you into death!!!! There will be ups, there will be downs, things will get worse before they get better.....believe me i am living proof....THEY GET BETTER! Jonesy Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 5, 2011 Author Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thank you Jonesy, That made me cry! I totally get what you're saying and it is early days yet. I hope I can move on like you x Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 you will if you want to, but you have to want to.... Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 it really does hurt. and it feels like it hurts more than anything you have ever or will ever go through. it definitely felt that way for me, and ive had a root canal without the benefit of anesthesia before. as much as you dont think you can go on, you can. we've all been through this, that is why we're here on this site, reading and learning and supporting others through their grief. it does get better over time, but it takes a lot of work and there will be really bad days between the good days. there are a lot of great posts that you can read about how others have taken back control of their lives and have improved themselves FOR THEMSELVES and one day they will find someone that really loves and appreciates them. dont deprive that someone of a better you. and dont deprive yourself of that better you. Link to comment
ash1610 Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 I think I've only posted on here a couple of times but I'm a regular vistor to the site and your post struck a chord with me so I felt I had to reply to you. Many years ago when I was in my early 30's my husband left me for another woman. I was about 3 weeks away from giving birth to my second child and I had a little boy who was almost 4. To say I was devastated is an understatement. We had been happy in our 11 yrs of marriage and he had been a very good husband and dad. He seemed to have become a different person. I don't know how I got through it but I can tell you that I did, like many others who post on here. I wanted answers and he couldn't give me any except he eventually said that he didn't love me anymore and he didn't know why. He said he had fallen in love with someone else and she reminded him of me when we first met. At the time it was like being stabbed in the heart it hurt so so much. But the truth does hurt and when I look back it was the truth. I had asked him for the truth and I got it. Now to the crunch - what happened. Well he left after much heartache and soul-searching but didn't end up with this girl and moved on again and again and never really settled. He was never happy. He married again some time after but she was a very controlling woman and she threw him out. He ended up living in a tiny flat drinking himself into oblivion until he suffered a brain haemorrhage and sadly died. He was only in his late 40's. I on the other hand, with support from my family and his family managed to work part-time and keep my house going and raised my two boys. They are now in their 20's - one has a good job and a wonderful partner and they have a little boy and the other is doing extremely well at uni. I did have very good support from my family but I did it myself. I cried so much and talked about him so much at first but then became fed up of it - it was all about him and I realised that that was how I was making it. A light went on in my head and it was a turning point. Just like jonesey has said I was a person before I met him and inside I still was the same person. Him leaving me was the last thing I would have ever wanted but.........it made me stronger. I wanted him but I didn't need him. So please don't do anything stupid - no man is worth that. Ever. Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 Wow,thank you for your replies!! I have woke up and think I am past the suicide bit. It does really hurt but on a positive note I now am ready for no contact and am relieved to feel that way. I messaged him yesterday and after felt a hundred times worse as he hardly said anything in return then just disappeared..... coward!! So am going to try be really strong and avoid temptation to contact him. He was my best friend for 4 years and I miss him loads already but I know deep down I need to try get better and this means not talking to him. Thanks for all your replies xx PS.. Ash .... gosh have so much admiration for you!! Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 I can't cope, why is he doing this to me??? Why won't he even answer my questions or even aknowledge me??? How can someone who told me he loved me only last week hate me this much as to totally blank me. I don't understand, it really hurts Link to comment
cdalton17 Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 I can't cope, why is he doing this to me??? Why won't he even answer my questions or even aknowledge me??? How can someone who told me he loved me only last week hate me this much as to totally blank me. I don't understand, it really hurts Hang in there gurl, It is not that they dont love us, they do, but they love them selfs as well and they know what is best for them, we do not. We need to love ourselfs again. We put a lot of love into them and took away from us. Some people can and cant handle this. I am sure he cares about you. But all ex's (dumpers) act cold, silent, and distant. This is there way of moving on with love. They know that talking with us will just hurt us. We need to start to love ouselves again, and the way is NC like everyone says, it is as hard as dealing with this pain you feel and dont think you can do it. But you can, start caring about yourself again, direct that love towards him back too you. everyday try to do something for you, even if it dont seem like much or is not doing much. It helps you everyday. She left me after 8 years, never thought it would happen, thought we were special than any other relationship out there, no others compared. that was just being blinded by love. the fact is if they dont want to be with us anymore, they wont.We cant force them too. We can try to get them back, but trust me I tried for 6-7 weeks to do everything possible to get her back. I actually did change dramatically and continue to change, what gets me by is I replay all the harsh and mean things she has said to me when I start to miss her or want to contact her and realize that this is how she is now and feels, So what is the sense of putting myself through it? Just to have pain. Yes they are a addiction, But like any addiction we can get through it and get better for ourselves... Good luck to you and cry it all out, feel the pain. do not dwell in the pain but accept your new reality and feel it, this is the only way you will get through it. No contact is the way to go, you will contact him over need to talk and be with him. But the more you work on yourself and realize that he does not want to be with you and nothing you can do or change will change this fact the sooner you will heal from all of this.. Yes it does hurt, We all know too well that this is the worst pain anyone has ever felt in our lives... but feeling it is good and the start of the healing process.. good luck.. Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 thank you, that was a really good explanation of things. am gutted and have just spoke to him and still got no answeres, he wouldnt even tell me clearly we are over even though i asked him to for my own sanity sake. im stupid arent i, i should just try let go now. im crying my eyes out again, my chest really hurts. everything feels so very bad. thanks for listening. Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 he said he loves me he said he cant say goodbye he says he has to do this though I DONT UNDERSTAND how can anyone who loves me make me feel like this Link to comment
Sunshine7 Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 he said he loves me he said he cant say goodbye he says he has to do this though I DONT UNDERSTAND That is your answer. They don't as hard as it sounds to hear and I have to accept it myself after being dumped after 6 years. But when someone truly loves you they love you no matter what and work through differences they don't give up. You have to go complete NC - I never thought I could because me and my ex text all day every day and were always with each other, but I am on day 17 of NC so it shows it can be done. Link to comment
Di84 Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 That is your answer. They don't as hard as it sounds to hear and I have to accept it myself after being dumped after 6 years. But when someone truly loves you they love you no matter what and work through differences they don't give up. You have to go complete NC - I never thought I could because me and my ex text all day every day and were always with each other, but I am on day 17 of NC so it shows it can be done. This is true. If someone REALLY loves you, they will not let you go so easily. I couldn't come to terms with this either when my ex of 4 yrs left 6 months ago. I'm still having a hard time with the BU but the more I realize he just didn't love me (although he would never tell me this) the more I am beginning to accept. He just told me all kinds of stuff for leaving and I couldn't understand until I realized that he just doesnt love me anymore. I know it hurts, but NC helps.... slowly but surely. We got to accept that they just don't love us the way we want them too. It's unfortunate, but that's life. Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 HURTGURL, how are you? you gotta wake up here ok, i want you to really listen to what these guys have posted and put it into practice, I got a few things I want you do. Tell yourself IT IS OVER...i want you to say it out loud, in the mirror...then say it again. Tell yourself that unless you cut contact you will be in pain Tell yourself that you have control here, the level of pain is up to you Tell yourself that you are not a victim, and everyone has a right to be happy Tell yourself you have a right to be happy Tell yourself you MUST not analyse anything he says or does Tell yourself you MUST smile today Tell yourself it WILL get better Tell yourself that TIME is your best friend Tell yourself that you can do this Tell yourself to be positive IT HURTS....yes it does.....there's only so much we can do to help, you have to help yourself ok. ONE OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT FACTORS IN GETTING OVER AN EX IS TO NOT ANALYSE WHAT THEY SAY TO YOU AND TAKE IT WITH A PINCH OF SALT! You will be in such a better place when you start adapting that into your thoughts Jonesy Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 Funny, I woke up this morning feeling sick. But I was thinking I got to stay away because if he really did love me like he said and didn't want to lose me like he said yesterday then he wouldn't do this would he? So I figure if he really wants to be with me then he will find a way to contact me if he really wants to. And if he doesn't ..... well then there's my answer!! I am going to go no contact and accept it if he doen't contact me, although it will hurt. I can't keep chasing after me cos it will only lead me to more hurt later down the line yeah?? So I know it will be a big fat struggle but it has to be done. Im going to try keep busyish and get out in the sun. Feel dreadfull, but can't keep chasing him forever, it's undignified!!! And soul destroying. Thank you everyone, am gonna read through your advice everytime I feel weak and about to give up!! *sighs* Man this is sooooo hard!! Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 its hard, especially at the beginning, you what else is hard, learning to be an astanought, a lawyer, a doctor, imagine all those people gave up.. because it was too hard to learn....once you master the art of nc....and you will.....man nothing will stop you! jonesy Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 I feel really sick, the silence is blummin horrible Am so used to us texting each other everyday, is hard to get used to not having a 'good morning' I'm still going though jonesy! Still going Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 stick to it.....anytime you feel like texting your ex....tell us here!!!!!!!!! msg us instead!!!!!!! i know its hard but it will help you gotta think long term ok!!!!!!!!! jonesy Link to comment
John Deere Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 is not the missing of this person. its the WHY he rejected you and didnt even tell you. i think you are beating yourself up more looking for rrreasons why. What is wrong with you that he rejected you?9 Even if it isnt anything specific you will find something. and then the more you think about it the more you will missl him and the cycle starts all over again. you are rejected but you are not flawed. peop le are not monogamous by default. just accept that and you can break out of this. climb out of your swamp. Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 stick to it.....anytime you feel like texting your ex....tell us here!!!!!!!!! msg us instead!!!!!!! i know its hard but it will help you gotta think long term ok!!!!!!!!! jonesy wish had read that 5 mins ago I just caved in and messaged him on facebook Am just so angry he can tell me he loves me then toss me aside??? I have let myself down. I feel worse knowing I caved in. I feel such a winger moaning here all time. other people manage to get through break ups so why not me???? And John Deere.... I think your right, Im not one of much confidence anyway. I don't know what Im going to do to move on. Im useless Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 wish had read that 5 mins ago I just caved in and messaged him on facebook Am just so angry he can tell me he loves me then toss me aside??? Don't beat yourself up for texting him, many of us have done it. Just get back on track. You really need to block him on FB so that you are not tempted to message him. My ex told me for months post break up how much she loved me and missed me. But guess what? That only kept me stuck in limbo hoping she would come back but she never did. She used me to feed her ego while she dated other people. I helped her move on. He is doing you a favor by not contacting you. He probably still cares about you just not enough to want to be with you again. He probably knows by staying in contact with you it is only going to hurt you. Accept that it is over and stay NC. It is the only way to start feeling better. Link to comment
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