jonesyjakk Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 wish had read that 5 mins ago I just caved in and messaged him on facebook Am just so angry he can tell me he loves me then toss me aside??? I have let myself down. I feel worse knowing I caved in. Live n learn is right, dont beat yourself up, you start again, just remember how you felt when you sent it, you dont wanna keep feeling like that. facebook needs to go....BLOCK!!!!!!!! get rid of him promise us you will do it!!!! do it now! message here when you feel like getting in touch do it here, tell us what you are gonna say....we will help you through this!!! you start again now ok....forget what has happened, stand up, dust yourself down, life goes on! jonesy Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 I have just said my goodbyes and deleted facebook. Cant text him cos his phone broke this week..... or so he says!! Did speak to him today and quiet frankly i know we are over. He basically said he always loved me still did and always would but had to do it...... basically he didnt want me to delete ie, he still wants me there incase he needs me!!!!! Well NO, why should I settle for being friends after 4 years???? Ive been polite and calm. Ive appologised at my crazy episodes this week and ive wished him well in his search for whatever it is he is looking for..... What more can you do..... nothing So guys, hurts me lots to say this, but let the NC begin Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 that was a big sigh, but its over, and youve the right thing...now focus on you, getting yourself together. stick to it now youve done it, dont start sliding backwards there are tough times ahead but you will get through them if thats what you truly want ok. stay strong jonesy Link to comment
John Deere Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 *Biiiiiiiig Sigh* Three weeks ago I felt like this: unsure about living, struggling to even take the next breath, panic attacks. Now: The pain is contained, no more panic attacks, i can think about my ex and it doesnt make me feel like im falling through space. It DOES get better. Everybody is telling you that because its true. Have confidence in that and you will be able to pick yourself up, do some normal things. You might feel like it cant possibly get better but the reality is it cant possibly NOT get better. One more thing the NC is critical. Every time you deny yourself the text or the call to him is giving yourself something and taking it from him. Start accumulating these decisions and protect them! Link to comment
Sweetkisses22 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Did he give any explanation? That's what hurts the most The not knowing ..... Nope I got no explantion. I know its hard and i'm strugling at the momment as well. I want to email him so bad but I know ill be worse if he chooses not to respond or if he doesn't feel the same way or not care at all. I feel lost but I know its only been 10 days nc. Things will get better. Link to comment
John Deere Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Nope I got no explantion. I know its hard and i'm strugling at the momment as well. I want to email him so bad but I know ill be worse if he chooses not to respond or if he doesn't feel the same way or not care at all. I feel lost but I know its only been 10 days nc. Things will get better. SK: why do you want to email him? Is it because you want him to want you? Thats not a good reason to email him. just reminding you... Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Thank You all Virtual Text...... Mornin ***** Its really sunny and the sun always reminds me of you!! I woke up feeling sick again and you are the first thing on my mind. I am thinking of the time you piggy backed me through that deep puddle so I wouldnt get my trainers wet. When we lay in the sun near the fountain just being together and when we were just cuddled up in bed with me under your armpit. How can you still say you love me yet let me go. You always said I was your soulmate, that we were two peas in a pod. I still don't understand this. I really don't Link to comment
sweetnsour231 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Hurt girl! is this your day two? How are you holding up? Ah man, thinking about those moments are the worst right.. I guess you haftoo think about all the moments when he had let you down or the not fun moments.. Its easy to think about the good.. Argh I hate men sometimes lol! I hope you have a good day today Im sure the sun is helping out a bit? The start to a new season, winter, now spring and summer is just at the horizon... It seems far away but it will be here in no time! I had a few flash backs too today about a time when we went on a trip together cause friends were talking about that at lunch.. I felt sick and just didnt say anything.. Then i tried to remind myself, the crappy parts of that trip.. ah goodness. The worst part is, the hard stuff is done, now its only self torture right? Anyways Keep your head up! Let me know how your doing! Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 No Im not even on day 1 again He keeps being nice to me, he still wants me as a friend and I told him this can't happen. Thing is today I have decided he is just stringing me along with small talk and not even answering anything I say so I have come to the conclusion he is feeding his Ego with me. Ive told him had nuff and not talking to him no more... told him Im gone to turn my life around without him. So technically tomorrow dinner time will be my end of day 1 I failed but am more determined now cos I know he is playing with me! Im sick of the sight of him sending smilies to me. Honest I reakon if I had to talktohim face to face Id just slap him hard ... lol Sorry!! he has annoyed me!!! Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 Yay.... I have managed 33 hours no contact!!!!! Go me Link to comment
RISK Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Excellent advice everyone. No contact is no contact. Several times today I almost called. day 14. I don't miss dancing around trying to please someone who dislikes me. I have to go this week to pick up the remainder of my things. These posts help like an AA meeting for the lovesick. Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 11, 2011 Author Share Posted April 11, 2011 Good luck risk, hope things go ok! Im feeling a bit sicky today again! Think I just need to keep busy In his last message to me he said he didn't want me to go, I ignored it, but he has made no attempt to contact me since so I figure obviously he is not as bothered as he said about me dissappearing! All words, no action. Im soldiering on, it does hurt and I do miss him but I don't want to feel hurt forever and thats how talking to him ws making me feel!! Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 11, 2011 Author Share Posted April 11, 2011 He has just messaged me, trying to make me feel guilty for stupid messages I sent last week when he was ignoring me. He sounds upset and it feels like eh is now making me feel bad for not being around for these 2 days?????? What does he want from me?? He dumped me. I appollogised for what I said and told him it was only because I was so hurt. I dunnoo Link to comment
John Deere Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 the longer the NC goes on the more i will be afraid to even say a word to this person, afraid of what they have become, afraid of afraid of what i have become. This is good i guess because it makes my NC break unlikely. But it sucks to see the road before me. We are human and if somebody ever mattered to you they dont just go away in your heart easily. Thats what im finding out. why did it not work out if i feel such a loss? have no idea about that either. i no longer like her as much beacuse sh huet me as a way for her to get away. B ut the hurt she put on me is not equal to to the hurt i put on her. i never tried to hurt her. maybe i should have.. is that what i learned? Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 He has just messaged me, trying to make me feel guilty for stupid messages I sent last week when he was ignoring me. He sounds upset and it feels like eh is now making me feel bad for not being around for these 2 days?????? What does he want from me?? He dumped me. I appollogised for what I said and told him it was only because I was so hurt. I dunnoo DELETE the messages dude!!!!!!!!! come very familiar with DELETE!!!!!! dont analyse anything, dont ask why, take every message as face value, pinch of salt....you've come so far since your first post, keep going, ever heard the oasis song...DONT LOOK BACK IN ANGER??? well dont look back at all!!!!!!! keep going, focus on the road ahead....look where you are going not where you've been!!!! keep that in mind, be the best person you can be.....keep posting here and dont break nc id you hate feeling like c..r.a...p!!!!!!!! nc WILL make you feel good trust me!!!!!! keep going!!!!! jonesy Link to comment
John Deere Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 NC is a blinder you put on yourself so you can only see what matters, so oyou only see what is directly in front of you. . that personj you left behind? they are gone tbhe minute you decide it. Nd you better look straight ahead at what IS there$ Link to comment
phoenixgirrl Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I am going through a similar situation so I completely understand the pain. My partner of 3 years just up and moved out about 3 weeks ago, no warning at all. He moved in with a female friend who he has never wanted me to meet. Yet when I express a desire to get to know his friends he thinks I'm jealous. Oh and yes, he has cheated on me (just once - I think). Since he has moved out he is constantly hot and cold with me - one minute he tells me he loves me and just needs some time to sort his head out, the next he is vindictive and cruel. I struggle to understand his behavior and I have come to the conclusion that the more I try to understand him the more confused I will become. So it's best to not try to understand him at all, and just accept the way he is. I have just initiated NC because I really feel I don't deserve to be treated so badly. The stupid thing is, I still love this guy, even though he has hurt me beyond belief. I know that my initiating NC has infuriated him - as soon as I asked him not to contact me anymore he changed his fb relationship status from "it's complicated" to "single". Clearly he wanted to keep me hanging on, which I feel is unfair - but I can't help hoping he misses me and that he is hurting - because this would mean he cares? I tried so hard to make things work and accepted him, flaws and all, and I think this is what I did wrong. I tried too hard. I have been reading the thread "Nonchalance is your friend" and I wish I had behaved like that. He loved the chase, before I fell for him, and once he had me he lost interest. Has anyone else had this experience? Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 12, 2011 Author Share Posted April 12, 2011 Thank you phoenix girl, sounds very similar! Ive text him this morning to tell him I don't want to speak to him any more and please not to contact me again. Yeterday he tells me he may as well end it all and then left me to worry if he is ok. HE DUMPED ME????? Is not fair that they play with us like this . So what ever he wants to do with his life, he can do, as long as I don't have to know about it!! I now on hindsite suspect he was never gonna do anything anyway and was just missing my "I love you still" pleas. Cant say I was feeling good yesterday but I was starting to crawl out the gutter before he messaged me. Now Im back to feeling lost and sick and anxious. Link to comment
phoenixgirrl Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Hey hurtgurl, yeah it is so hard... you know this is manipulation, I think they try to keep us hanging on to make themselves feel good (which is their insecurity really), we need to be strong and stick up for ourselves, when you fall in love it is so easy to give away your power because you just want to give all your love and support that person, but unfortunately the wrong men just take advantage of this. Obviously not all men are like this, since there are guys on this forum that have been treated badly just like we have. I have had long term relationships before so I do have some experience already of going through a breakup... it doesn't get any easier but you do get wiser, and stronger. Breakups are complicated, confusing, incredibly painful.. but you always emerge from them with more wisdom and strength that you ever had before. I think it is one of those necessary experiences - it happens to everyone and is part of that rollercoaster ride called life. You are a beautiful and special person and you have done nothing wrong other than give your love to someone who doesn't deserve it. Be strong and know that so many people have experienced the same pain, doubt, worry, anxiety and sadness as you.. you are not alone. xx Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 I think your right. He did it again, I didn't contact him for over 24 hours then he text me. So i texted back and then later he started ignoring me again. He told me I was suffocating him!!!! It made me feel really bad again and spent an afternoon in bed. So knowing he would text me if I tried to dissappear I did something really bad I told him that I potentially had someone else now and that I wasn't sure that I even loved him anymore. He said he couldn't believe I was with someone else and I hadn't give him a chance!! I've not replied and we haven't had any contact for 24 hours now and TBH..... up until tonight Ive been feeling ok Im not even feeling that bad now just really sad OFC there is noone else and I do still love him loads. But if it stops all the hurt and confusion, is it really such a bad lie??? Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 19, 2011 Author Share Posted April 19, 2011 I know is early days though and not gonna be naive to think I wont still have rough days But one decent day, is one less bad day!!! Link to comment
gsuelp Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Phoenixgirl said, "when you fall in love it is so easy to give away your power because you just want to give all your love and support that person, but unfortunately the wrong men just take advantage of this," which I really appreciated to hear - When I fall in love, I do become too generous, which gets taken advantaged of. The solution is to "not fall in love" or at least don't love more than they love you. All of this NC and this talk about not getting into a vulnerable state, makes me feel like we're becoming unfeeling programmed robots. Unfortunately, we are human, and humans feel things and make mistakes. In a post-human cyborg world, perhaps we can achieve the kind of NC and programming that everybody in this forum is trying to get us to become. Funny thing is that once we do go NC and start the programming process, it helps us feel better, feel more alive, and gets us closer to feeling incredible - like superwoman or superman. The question is: do you want to be human or do you want to be superhuman?? Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 I just want to stop feeling so bad! Dont want to forget him just want it not to hurt so much when I think of him. Feel sick again this moring, day 2 of NC (about 3 weeks since dumped) Its horrible after not feeling so bad yesterday Link to comment
hurtgurl Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 Umbelievable, I just text him What's wrong with me, why can't I just let go and try get on with my own life Link to comment
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