Why does my girlfriend try to treat me like dirt while being cheery to others?

[Silo]

How can I put this clearly in one sentence.....rather almost one word: I'm tired.

 

I need to understand why my girlfriend tries to treat me badly in front of other people and is friendly and cheery with these same people when talk to her. I called her out on it, it's obvious she's testing me, and basically ignored her until she apologised and changed her behaviour but her excuse is this and I need to know if this is a bull * * * * excuse or not.

 

Her excuse: " I show you my real emotions while with others I am superficial"

 

Sounds really good, almost rational. Has anyone heard this excuse before?

My message to her was that her current angst has been going on now for three months and I'm tired. I want to have a fun girlfriend who, if she has worries, can come and talk to me about them. Otherwise I don't want her emotional vacumn cleaner sucking up all the air in our relationship by her constant moodiness.

 

 

Is it wrong for me to feel like I need space? This girl has not given me any when I needed it, when I specifically asked for it, and I think uses a lot of emotional blackmail. I can counter all of it because I am pretty confident about who I am....what my goals in life are. Im a very happy boy but I'm tired of always being the "rock" in the relationship. Lucky I'm very career minded

 

Partly this message was to vent but Im really curious about your replies because Im thinking about whether we should really continue dating after we both head to grad school.

 

Thanks in advance

[DigitalSpy]

My ex was like this. Now this I am not posting to scare you but my ex went like this in the few weeks leading up to our break up.

 

If it reasures you at all, my ex was developing depression she used to sleep all the time she would come round mine and go to sleep regardless of time of day. Sometimes it was great to have a cuddle with her but it did become a problem. It then went flipside and she developed insomnia, which meant she was always tired but couldnt sleep -_-. It was tearing me apart, I couldn't make her happy, she put on a smily face for friends and would laugh with them but as soon as they left all that remained was the sleep deprived shell of her. We eventually sat down and talked, and she said she was going to see the doctor....But after a few weeks of putting it off she was too scared to go, she didnt want to be classified as depressed.

 

She became very emotional after this, hated her life (asside from me) hated her job, hated the world. But she was the same as your GF, fine with others but then released pressue at me. I know this was because she loved me and was comfortable enough to do it, its what happens you take it out on loved ones. But that was no excuse, I grew very tried of it.

 

I tried to raise her spirits and just kept failing.

 

Long story short, we broke up....She hasn't got much better (from what she has told my mum, tired all the time again)

 

My advice, tell her you are always there if she needs you. Explain that her venting her pent up aggression on you isnt fair and you need to take some time away from her. Make sure she knows you not looking to date some one else but just remove yourself from the picture. It will give you a bit of space, and hopefully she will realise what she was doing to you.

 

My ex did and apologised....

[Silo]

Thanks so much for that.

 

She is tired most of the time, that's what made your post really click for me. She might be going through the same issues that your ex went through although she doesn't hate her life or job as much as I can gather. Which is a good thing.

 

I just don't want to play psychologist to her, it's not my thing. I usually just give the person space and expect it too.

 

However any time I take space for myself, she gets very emotional and upset. I guess she needs to understand that the space is not about her, nor about me finding someone else.

I think if I can state that clearly she should give it to me. Otherwise I'm really being suffocated.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is a classic sign of a person with emotional problems and personality issues. This is all about bullying, control and manipulation. Her excuse is very lame...it is basically her way of not owning up to her abusiveness. You don't need to be her verbal punching bag just because you are in a relationship with her. What exactly do you mean by wanting space? You need to clarify what you mean and if it means breaking up because she wants to justify treating you like dirt, then breaking up is what that "space" should be. Right now she is running circle around you. You need to get tough with her and firmly set your boundaries.

[DigitalSpy]

Look, please dont be offended by this....I really think you should have a sit down an talk with her, and ask her if your relationship is going anywhere. It might be that she is unsure weather she still loves you, and she might be considerring to break up with you. Especially if when you are alone she seems more distant than usual. Now is the time to strike! If she tells you she has some concerns about the relationship, you might have caught it early enough to put any problems right. The key to a lasting relationship is definitely comunication, so talk to her. And try and fix things before its too late . Prehaps you still need to take some space from her, and it may be good for your relationship.

 

I hope it all works out for you mate, but I strongly suggest you just try and get her to talk....you never know it might be something outside youre relationship thats bothering her

[Silo]

Thanks for both your replies.

 

By wanting space I want time for myself to think about my issues and things going on with my life. There's a lot of important things that are about to happen. So far I feel it's all been about her. Those last few words really sum up her attitude: it's all about her and I said that I feel like her punching bag to her last night.

 

The problem is that when we do talk, she's not very wordy with her replies and I feel like I'm asking all the questions. I am very clear with her that it shouldn't all be about her and that I shouldn't ask all the questions but she doesn't make the effort.

 

Otherwise I see her making the effort almost everywhere else in our relationship. She really is a great girlfriend albeit with problems that normally I would be able to handle. However it's been going on for three months now and I'm tired.

 

I need the space because I feel overwhelmed at the moment with all her issues and problems and want to concentrate on my own ones. I don't want it to spoil our relationship but I think I am going to take both of your advice(s) and take a bit of time for myself and come back to talk to her.

 

The worst that can happen is that we break up. I'm too career minded to really fall apart but I won't lie when I say it won't hurt. Well we all knew the risks didn't we

 

Mostly and lastly her attitude pisses me off because we have a great life that we've both worked hard for. We should enjoy it, have a few fights in between of course as any relationship does, but she cannot for the life of her enjoy a good thing when it's right there in front of her.

 

Her attitude can be summed up by saying stuff like "Am I not allowed to be upset when I want?". Emotional blackmail, as if I was the one stopping her

 

What you guys are saying makes a lot of sense.

[annie24]

she can be upset, but she's not allowed to treat you like her emotional punching bag. she knows enough manners to be polite to strangers when she is grumpy, so she should be able to do the same with her bf. if she doesn't understand that, dump her.