Is checking the forums a set back to your healing?

[TheJerseyKid]

I want to first say that this site has given me TONS of great advice, suggestions, and perspective, on a much grander scale than just relationships, more specifically, dealing with exs. For me I feel like, there are tons of things and posts on this site that you read, that will help a lot with the healing, and maybe help you see things a little bit differently. For me, and many others out there, this has been a blessing, and has helped us cope in these difficult times.

 

On the other hand, I almost find it as a Catch 22, because you have to take certain things with a grain of salt, as there have been times where I have read things on this site that have set me back, or you get caught up in spending hours and hours reading old threads, all the while, you are in one way or another thinking about your ex to some degree. I think in order to get the most out of these forums, you have to walk a fine balance. That balance is getting enough info/insight to help you cope with things, and put stuff into perspective. However, if there comes a time where you find yourself spending too much time on here (which I myself am guilty of) it might be slowing you down from healing in a way. Sure, hurting, and thinking about your ex is part of the healing process. But if you are spending hours and hours asking questions, and posting, and reading on the forum, there is a lot of time there that could be spent doing other things to better yourself, or spending time distracting yourself and building a routine of NOT thinking about your ex. Believe me, I am thankful for all the insight and care and thoughts of everyone on this site, I'm just curious if anyone else sees it as a Catch 22 at times or anyone else felt like it might have been holding them back to some degree.

[jumper11]

I think it mostly helps. I live alone so I spend probably most of my time at home on ENA, then I go out and I think less of my ex now. I found lately I will sometimes 'choose' to think of him whereas before ENA, I felt like I had a disease - I couldn't control anything.

 

After ENA and 2 months NC, I have gained my 15 pounds back (YES!) and things feel easier. I like a lot more music, ex isn't here to judge it, things feel easier.

 

Do I think I spend too much time on ENA? Yes, I do. But it helps me for when I go out my front door - it's like getting a toxin out of my system. Plus, I've learned so much on here...

[jonesyjakk]

at first ena helped me so much as i just didn't know how to overcome the pain...then it got to a point where i was posting about me all the time and i started to question was this place actually helping me and should i leave....then i started posting less on my thread and started helping others out with my experiences...slowly im finding that doing that has helped me even more....and now i post less on my own, and just keep a little journal of how i am feeling day to day...and helping others now helps me....keep posting and you will see ena is the best friend you could have used in the right way

[jumper11]

I agree with jonesy.. I can relate with him a lot and feel I am in a similar place as him. Helping people on here helps a lot, advice is easier given than taken, so sometimes I see the advice I have given and realize I should probably apply that to myself as well, which helps me too. I am just very grateful I have found ENA.

[Di84]

hey

i think you're totally right. ENA is a bit of a set back because we end up spending a lot of time here talking about our problems over and over and constantly dwelling on the breakup. I think this site is fantastic and does help on a daily basis but must not be abused!! lol.... We gotta get out and breathe some fresh air also! I think it's ok to visit this site daily and write if thats what helps you get through day to day, but to also try to have a life outside of constantly talking and speaking of the ex on ENA!

[michelle21689]

ENA helped me so much when I was going through a hard time

[hotnspicychikn]

For me it helps a lot when I am obsessing about him. But on the other hand when I am having a decent day some posts can trigger sad feelings in me. I have only been here for 6 days and separated for 9 days though so my emotions are still extremely raw.

[Tranquillo]

ENA is a lot of help for people in need of help.

[thewendy]

At first, ENA was sort of a setback for me because I would only look for posts that talked about how to get back together with your ex, and success stories about getting an ex back. Then when my ex and I got back together I completely forgot about this forum's existence.

 

Now that I'm back for the second time, I try to be selective in reading and go through only the posts that talk about healing, moving on, picking yourself up again and getting your life back. It has been tremendously helpful. Of course it is up to you how you use this site, and when used for the right reasons it can be a real life saver.

 

With a new twist to my story, I really really appreciate it that I have been getting a lot of advice and feedback, mostly from those who have experienced the same thing I am going through. It's a relief knowing I am not alone, and knowing that they made it out of the hellhole means I will make it out too.

 

So thank you so much to ENA and its members for the support.

[TheJerseyKid]

Internet forums such as this one can become rather addicting, as can a zillion other things online and off. I'd say it's better than gaming, or doing drugs, or drinking or gambling, but like anything else there's gotta be a balance. Probably somewhere in the area of a couple of hours a day, in addition to socializing with a few real life friends and exercising and reading some books (maybe some self help or relationship books), spending some time with family, that sort of thing. Not so sure about reading something on a forum that might set you back in your healing. Sure there's stuff that will remind you about your ex and the past relationship but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

Good perspective too, good responses so far. One things obvious, it does provide way more of a benefit than it does any bit of a set back.

[TimeToGrowUp]

My suggestion is to use this forum in moderation. Routinely using this site can become a set back if abused.

[Live-N-Learn]

Nope hasn't set me back at all, I only have 1900 + posts in the last year mainly about my ex! lol

 

In all seriousness, yes there needs to be a balance. This site has been very helpful in many situations where I needed advice. On the other hand it can def become an addiction and keep you stuck thinking way too much about someone who has already left your life.

 

I hope to spend more time on the site helping others going forward than talking about me ex. She is now in my past and there is very little if anything left to say or work out.

[Tryptophan]

I've put all my pain in ENA so now I mostly come on here when I'm in pain (less frequent now). I used to post on my healing journal every hour but now it's once, maybe twice a day. I will probably take a break but I usually just come on when I feel like I'm breaking down or when I slack at work (like now). You'll know when you're ready to let go of ENA. I personally need maybe a couple more months. Besides, it's entertaining to give advice to other people and tell them they'll be okay. I remember when I first on here, I didn't believe that but now I know they were right. It feels good to help people who are now in the same situation you were months ago. It's like giving back.

 

Now I find that I spend most of my time here helping other people than talking about my Ex. I posted so much about him that I don't want to post about him anymore unless I really really need to.

 

If you feel like it's setting you back, take a break, then if you really need to post, come back. Don't come on here out of routine but because of need. Should differentiate between the two.