married, cheated and very confused PLEASE HELP

[chic28]

I am confused right now. I'm 28 and been married 4.5 years. I'm hispanic and married to an american. My husband hasn't been fulfilling me emotionally and in many other ways. A month and a half ago I even considered leaving him. We talked and agreed to see a counselor but have not gone yet. I had told him about me calling to make an appointment but he told me to look around for some other counselor we could go to. I kind of slacked of on this because I had surgery and took several weeks to recover. During this time he seemed to be a little more considerate towards me. We had been thinking of starting to try to get pregnant some time after this.

Then, here is my dilemma. I just spent a few days at a 10 year high school reunion. My husband did not attend.

When there, I spent a lot of time with a good friend whom I had very strong feelings back in my college days before I met my husband. At the reunion, we flirted, danced closed together, and held each other at times. The last evening there, he walked me to my car. We hugged real tight for a while and then he kissed me twice and then parted from each other. I didn't expect such an attraction towards him, but I did not refuse it.

Now, I constantly think about him and the way he made me feel. I even wished we had done more. I've never been with another except my husband, yet I know I'm not getting at least good sex.

My husband is not very attentive, I feel that he only sees me as a housewife and errand-runner, etc. He's not touchy feely, romantic, and we don't go out much either. He doesn't give me compliments. These are just a few things. I have been the one to work and invest in our relationship more that he has up to this point.

I have not told anyone about what had happened and when I came home, I asked my husband about going to counseling before we continue to try for a baby. He just got upset and said what does that have to do with having a child?! I feel that we had not sorted things out. Should I tell him about what I did? or not? Now I even feel more strong about leaving him because of my experience. What should I do?

[LEOML87]

i think you should try talkin to him and see whats going on maybe he is seeing someone else or maybe something is wrong but you should try talking one on one first then go to therpy u sound how i am right except i am the one doing everythig and she isnt

[tiger_lilies]

Please don't have a baby until you can work through your issues. Bringing a baby into the world while your relationship is in jeapordy would be a bad idea. A baby will not bring you closer together. It would tear the both of you apart.

Please see a councelor before you make any drastic decisions.

[hurtabandoned]

Set some time aside and talk to your husband about how you feel. If either of you are having problems opening up then make that appointment to get some help. When a couple is having problems you have to lean toward each other. Trust me, alot of problems and hurt can be avoided just by opening up and airing things out. You can't blame him for not changing what he doesn't know about. He may respond to you differently if he's aware of what you feel you are lacking in the marriage.

You are right to want to resolve this before having a child.

 

After people have been together for a while things sometimes can go stale. You just get used to one another and people don't try as hard and they get stuck in a rut. When that happens, people on the outside can seem so exciting. Don't let that experience influence your decision.