why ?? it hurts so much

[stevef20]

Morning all,

 

I'm having a terrible morning and equally as bad weekend, its always the same.

 

Been 3 weeks now since nc and I've finally accepted she's not coming back.

 

Why are mornings and w'ends so painful ??

 

Steve

[jonesyjakk]

accept that the pain is going to be there for a while and this is part pf the process, I used to wake up every morning and she would be the first thing on my mind, now not at all. keep going with nc it is hard but very slowly it gets better.

 

 

Jonesy

[stevef20]

Cheers Jonesy,

 

I guess I'm just expecting to much to soon. I sometimes lose sight that this is normal.

 

Thanks for the reality check.

 

Steve

[jonesyjakk]

keep going stevef20,

 

im 4 months in now, and well i was in hell after 3 weeks, and i gotta say....about the 6 week to 2 month mark was the hardest part, that was when i was at my lowest point i think. my ex went paintballing with her friends one day and i went to bristol zoo with my son, my son played up all day, my ex was texting me msg's to my son, and i was stressed as hell....that day...was the lowest point for me.....i hit rock bottom....i came home and cried my heart out.....after that....ive been on my way up since....like one step back but three forward every day.....its gets worse i promise you....but then once it gets to a point.....you start getting better.....i promise you that too.

 

feel free to msg me anytime for a chat, it hurts like hell, but flames.....soon die out!

 

jonesy

[stevef20]

Cheers jonesy,

 

I'll probably take yiu up on that.

 

Sorry to hear you went through hell mate, you're clearly a decent bloke.

 

Likewise, message me if you need a chat.

[dedem]

I understand what you're going through, I'm going through it myself. Right now I'm battling tears for so many reasons, but I've learned if I fight hard enough eventually it'll get easier.

 

The pain in the mornings and on weekends is because you've got nothing else to occupy your mind, and you just can't bear facing the burden of another day. The weekends are empty, the mornings seem long. One day though, you'll realize that the majority of the pain will have subsided. You just have to keep fighting, and keep letting it out, before there's nothing left in you. Only then will you finally find peace.

 

I wish you good luck and strength in this.

[stevef20]

Thank-you dedem,

 

That was a great post and I think you may be right in all yiu have said. I am trying I really am, just keep thinking about the things we did together, I miss her, I miss us. It's so sad.

 

I'm very sorry that you're having to go through this yourself. If you ever need a friend just bellow.

 

Steve

[Sunshine7]

In the mornings I always used to wake up to a text from him everyday so I naturally expect that. I had a how are you text after 7 days no contact - I didn't respond it's now day 13. But I still wonder why he sent that (he dumped me after 6 years and got with someone else). I have never gone so I feel I can only start healing once he realises I have gone this time. I just don't understand if you dump someone htat should be it, why contact who you dumped if you don't want them.

 

Weekends are just like one long day, I still can't go out of the house on my own, I do for work but I feel so vulnerable. I want him to contact me, but I don't want to contact him, I don't want to see him or be near him right now - I don't really understand what's going on

[stevef20]

Sunshine,

 

Thanks for your post. You sound like you're in a horrible place, know its over but don't. I was there for 2 months and its awful I can tell you. If I was to give you any advice at all it would be to get closure ASAP, only at this time can you start to heal. Don't get me wrong its still as hard as hell but acceptance does help a bit.

I'm feeling really sorry for yiu because I know where yiu are. Well done on not replying to his text, that took courage.

 

You're doing great, thanks again

Steve

[stevef20]

Sunshine,

 

Thanks for your post. You sound like you're in a horrible place, know its over but don't. I was there for 2 months and its awful I can tell you. If I was to give you any advice at all it would be to get closure ASAP, only at this time can you start to heal. Don't get me wrong its still as hard as hell but acceptance does help a bit.

I'm feeling really sorry for yiu because I know where yiu are. Well done on not replying to his text, that took courage.

 

You're doing great, thanks again

Steve

[Sunshine7]

why do you think he text me that though? from a mans point of view why would he have done that?

[stevef20]

From a humans point of view I believe he did it for selfish reasons. You were together a long time and he was probably having a guilty moment as he has moved on so quick, is guess he wanted to make himself feel better.

 

It's terribly selfish but sadly not everyone in the world are as honourable as you and I.

 

That's my honest opinion, just mine, I'm no guru.

 

Hope Ur ok.

 

Steve

[Sunshine7]

thanks Steve - it's just so hard to understand and I guess the reason why it is, is because you and I wouldn't do that to someone. These people have no morals or respect nor have the ability to put themselves in someone elses shoes and I guess you are right because he hasn't sent me anything since.

[stevef20]

It hurts so much but yes, what you have said is 100% true.

 

These people are selfish people who don't give a stuff about us, they can only see themselves.

 

We deserve better.

 

Msg me anytime if u want to talk.

 

Steve

[ManIDontKnow]

Sunshine -- I got a similar reachout almost exactly one week after my last communication. I didn't respond, of course, so I have no idea what it was about. She didn't even call me. She called a friend of mine.

 

In my fantasy, it was her realization that she made a mistake. The call she makes before running to me to tell me she wants me back.

 

But the reality is far less romantic. I now realize it was likely just the guilt getting to her because she dumped me and moved on so quickly (and was busted 24 hours later by pure happenstance). That's a hard pill to swallow, but from what I've read countless times on this forum, it's probably how it is.

 

Maybe they'll grow up and recognize they let a good one go by not giving themselves over completely. Maybe not. But until then, there's nothing we can do but let them make their decision. I still have a deep, deep love for her, but now it's forever coupled with a profound resentment. There's no way to resolve those feelings and nowhere for them to go. I'm just trying to accept that contradiction as how she fits into my past and then severing her from my present and future. We'll live separate lives from now on and that's just the way it's gotta be.

 

She'll always have a place in my heart, albeit a complex and conflicted one.

 

Yes, I'm willing to leave a door open for her. But it's the doggy door. She'll have to crawl back through.

[stevef20]

Man,

 

Youre a stronger man than i.

 

Good luck my friend

[Sunshine7]

Man I dont know - I was hoping he would somehow come to his senses and contact again but it's been 6 days since that text, if he was really worried that I had moved on and it wasn't what he wanted, then he would have been in contact again. I would rather be alone than go through this hell over and over like I have for years. Best to get through this once than go through 6 years of hell like I have

[ManIDontKnow]

Sunshine -- he went off with someone new immediately, right?

[ManIDontKnow]

Oh -- And yes, Steve, mornings are the worst. The absolute worst.

[Sunshine7]

Man I don't know - yep he did

[ManIDontKnow]

I'd say, then, that your 7th-day-text and my 6th-day-phone-call-to-my-best-friend were probably the exact same communication: Self-serving attempts to alleviate guilt.

 

Please, don't respond to it. Don't afford him any release over hurting you. He made his decision to leave you for her and will always feel at least some conflict over it, but only so long as you never validate him.

 

I've definitely been the dumper before. One girl was a flat-out psycho. I had to break up with her three times before it actually sunk in. And on the last go-round, she literally kicked me in the balls four times. Four times. I ran away as fast as I could and didn't look back. Every time I'd get an apology reach-out, every time I'd get any form of communication from her at all, I ignored it and it always strengthened my resolve to never see her again. Each one validated me over and over again. I smiled every time.

 

Of course, you are not a psycho. You are a good human being, obviously, and he does not deserve to feel any better about what he did. Let foolish choices have their consequences.

 

Whew.

 

You know, with all of that said, I realized I'm on the exact opposite end of the breakup this time. I'm the dumpee.

 

And I'll tell you what, when it comes right down to it, I'd take a kick to the balls over my girl leaving me for her boss any day of the week.

 

At least I could ice it.

[stevef20]

great post Man, backs up my thoughts and an earlier comment I made.

 

Great site this isn't it ?

[Sunshine7]

I honestly don't know what I would have done without this site - friends and family aren't in the same situation so they can only give the same old advice and of course it's easy to do that when you aren't going through the same thing. The same comments 'oh just forget about him' 'you will find someone better' 'stop talking about it he isn't worth your time' - yea I know all this myself but coming on here talking to people going through the same is so much better, it offers comfort to me and I can comfort others.

 

We all sound like the same kind of people too which is weird. It's funny how these kind of situations bring people together.

 

Man I dont know - I am still waiting though for another text, see the thing is for 6 years its been make up break up, he would dump me because he couldn't handle conflict and then I would chase and we would get back together, this time I am not chasing I have gone and I still think he thinks I will contact him. But it feels different this time, there is something so strong inside of me that says no contact means no contact at all ever from me. So I know I won't but I am just waiting for him to realise I have gone, because it's fine for him to get with someone whilst he knows I am still hanging around but when he realises I have gone would it make a difference?