resilient7 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 well I was recently back in the country to visit some friends and decided to call and just say hi to my ex's brother.of course he was excited to hear from me and wanted to see me so I reluctantly agreed and headed to see him (I had not seen him in a year) we first meet and immediately start talking about his current GF and how he believes she is the one,I listen and offer my 2 cents and never even touch the subject of his sister.he later on tells me he wants me to meet her and has already told her that he was going to take me to meet her...not much i COULD DO THERE EXCEPT AGREE. we get there and we just start talking about random stuff and then he goes and mentions a sweater I had given him that he and his sister really liked (I had given it to him as a memento when I parted to another country)...he also goes on to add little stories of how I put such details into things I once did for his sister...I tell them that although those might be nice touches they're not all important and you should also have trust and communication which I believed are much more important and that led me to saying that I finally realized how that person was just using me and never really cared about me,which is something that he and his other sister would tell me but i was sooo in love that I really didn't wanna listen to anyone for that matter.I also mentioned that Im not angry with her but was hurt and disappointed and while saying this I was calm and not aggressive about it either...I of course changed the subject and started discussing other topics. after that we headed out and continued covering the long topic of how he is smitten by this girl and then I headed to my hotel. so was I bad mouthing my ex? Link to comment
NANsense Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 If I'm reading this correctly--your X's brother and sister were being polite and complementary and you turned the discussion from how you always put effort into detail--to one where you put their "user" brother down..... You brought him up and bad mouthed him yes.....I'm not saying you had no right too--but if you're asking if you bad mouthed him--of course you did! Link to comment
resilient7 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 no...I was with him and his new girlfriend and all I said was that I finally realized that she did in fact use me and did not care for me,which was something he and his sister (other sister,he has more than one) told me right after she broke up with me.and I did not say I put effort into anything but explaining to them that there is more to a relationship than buying flowers etc etc and that there also has to be communication and trust,that those are probably more important than the former. I think am going to have to write this again p.s I was meeting the brother in the first place,we get along very well Link to comment
buddha55 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 yeah sounds like it, but also sounds like the brother and sister of your gf were already saying these things long ago. who cares? it's over and you and had a visit Link to comment
resilient7 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 thoughts anyone .....echo Link to comment
NANsense Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 no...I was with him and his new girlfriend and all I said was that I finally realized that she did in fact use me and did not care for me,which was something he and his sister (other sister,he has more than one) told me right after she broke up with me.and I did not say I put effort into anything but explaining to them that there is more to a relationship than buying flowers etc etc and that there also has to be communication and trust,that those are probably more important than the former. I think am going to have to write this again p.s I was meeting the brother in the first place,we get along very well My apologies for misunderstanding... I don't think you were out of line for saying what you did.....it may have been an uncomfortable moment--if they didn't want to go there.... In the future I'd try to not say anything harsh abt his sister--you've made your point and he knows how you feel. Link to comment
bever Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 It sounds like, if this is something that the brother talked to you about after the breakup, you were kind just agreeing with him. You were just saying you'd thought about those issues with regard to your past relationship. I don't think that is badmouthing necessarily. Also, although you should avoid badmouthing the ex with their siblings, I wouldn't necessarily assume he's going to tell her. It sounds like he kind of agrees with you about part of that, so he might not even think anything of it. You might really just be stating the obvious, and I don't think you should have to feel bad about that. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 well that's a bunch guys for the advice...I just felt bad because "I" only realized it later on and then to be talking about it a year later,well, it's seems like I am not over her and I just was stating the obvious and didn't mean it in a harmful way...thanks to all again Link to comment
RedDress Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Bad mouthing? I dunno. I think what you did is that you took a conversation about a sweater and your thoughtfulness and turned it into a discussion about relationships. It was an unnecessary detour to the conversation. Like the others, I wouldn't worry too much about it (since you've had that conversation with them before). But... it was unnecessary info. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted April 2, 2011 Author Share Posted April 2, 2011 that's exactly what I feared hearing,"unnecessary info"....even though they would agree she did use me and did not treat me well I should have kept my thoughts to myself but I realized so much in that year that I wanted to show her that I had a backbone and was not the same guy.oh well Link to comment
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