will he ever talk to me again?

[sleepy]

My guy and I broke up. He told me he wishes not to communicate with me anymore. I wrote him a letter apologizing for everything I thought I did wrong, asking him to be friends again. No response. Then I ran into him. He told me to go away.

 

Thing is, I don't know what I did, I really don't.

 

Well, I can guess. I think he thought I lied to him about being pregnant. But I didn't. He was really supportive throughout the ordeal, but it turned out the test was wrong. He suffered a lot. I am so sorry to have put him through that.

 

I don't want to stalk him or crawl after him. But I have never had a situation in which someone simply does not talk to me anymore. What did I do?????

 

Please tell me: do you think he will come around and talk to me again? If so: when? I am leaving the country in two months. I want things to be ok between us by then.

 

He has a new chick, btw.

 

I a so, so sad.

[Gilgamesh]

Dont make contact with him, the more you do, the more he will be pushed away.

 

Dont e-mail him dont "run" into him. my ex dropped me for no reason at all after a 4 year things would have been 1000 times better between us if I had not tried so hard to get her back after the break up.

 

believe me, the best thing you can do is avoid any communication with him.

[dp]

I sort of did this with my girlfriend after getting tired of being treated like crap, and the thing that got to me the most was when it seemed like she didn't care that I was ignoring her, or when it seemed like her life had moved on... Her calling me daily and knocking at my door only made me want to keep it up as Gilgamesh said... It sort of gave me power in the relationship, something I do not have - even today (we became friends)

[paul475]

...part of the lesson of this situation is to develop the maturity required to accept that some things between people never get resolved.

 

There is nothing we can do about them. We are powerless to effect a choice in the other person to be loving and kind. Or, perhaps the most loving and kind thing that they are capable of is avoiding causing you more harm by telling you what they really think of you, and WHO it is that they really are. Instead of your fantasy.

 

Most often, in my experience, what is going on with a person whose goodbyes are, shall we say, "unrefined," is that they are doing what some women do when they leave an earring or an article of clothing behind in a man's apartment that they wish to see again...or that they wish to remain faithful to them alone. It's the primal equivalent of urinating on a person's nest.

 

Do NOT get sucked in to this sort of game. It was certainly very damaging and hurtful for me when I did. I couldn't believe that after two years of not interacting, of going out of my way to avoid, my former partner in a rather intense and torrid love relationship, that she could still make me miss her so bad that I cried for four days when she finally left town and was on her way.

 

I never forgot that lesson. It made me so angry with myself for not believing what I first saw in this rather shallow woman's eyes. I had come to believe that she was so much more like me, over time, than she really was. She left a rather stinking wound in my heart that I've never completely forgotten. It's been ten years and I don't want to interact with this person, and I don't want a relationship that even remotely reminds me of those feelings of manipulation, abandonment and betrayal. For her it was just a big game. For me it was the language of my heart, an unspoken language I thought that she knew.

 

Perhaps she did, I just believed that things that come from people's hearts are always true. Sometimes they aren't, or they get overruled by what is happening and not happening inside their heads.

 

That's why it's ALWAYS BEST to keep your brain engaged for a good six months before you ever completely relax and accept that the relationship you are in is worth pursuing. Most won't make it to 90 days, in my experience. But you WILL protect your heart from alot of damage and abuse if you keep your heart protected for a good long while.

 

And, again, chalk this rather kind cut and its stinking wound to experience. Don't ever let yourself be fully owned and operated by someone else, and certainly not someone you've known, intimately, for less than five years. Too many sociopaths out there.

[sleepy]

I will take the advice you all gave me and won't contact him again ...

but do you think he will ever talk to me again?

 

He was a bit in love with me before our breakup and did want to stay friends badly before the pregnancy thing.

 

If I lay low now, in your experience, might he at least talk to me again (forget having a relationship at this point)?

[nina]

At the end of March, the boyfriend said he wanted a change. But he thought he would still get back together with me in the end. Right now, I have decided to focus on myself and do things that I like doing. I also resolved not to contatct him, to let him contact me. And what do you know? It worked. On Wednesday I got two text messages from him and a call and then later when I was online he started a chat conversation. Then I got another couple of text messages on Friday.

 

Oh, it is sooooo hard. I want to ring him right now, but I am gritting my teeth together and holding myself back. I shall see how long it takes before he makes contact again.

[toolgirl150]

Call me cynical - but don't those kind of games suck? One has to act stand-offish to get someone's attention. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I don't have a lot of patience for that stuff. yeah, you don't want harass a person, but if i want to see somebody, I'm going to let them know.

 

ok - call me crabby!!

 

But the older I get, the less patience I have for head games.

[nina]

Believe me... I don't like that kind of stuff either.

 

it's just that I always complained that he didn't contact me (didn't complain to him but to my female friends). But then I realised that I never gave him a chance.

 

Different people operate at different speeds. Some people take a long time before they respond to a question or comment.. other people just start saying the first thing that comes into their mind without taking the time to think about what they want to say.

 

Some people want contact twice a day with their boyfriend and others don't mind if it's every three days. I'm waiting to see what his natural rhythm is.

 

And anyway.. at the beginning of our relationship... it was him pursuing me and courting me. I think he liked that - the knight on the steed trying to win the 'fair maiden'. So I shall let him do that again if he wants.