counselling

[bones]

Anyone whose read my posts knows I've been through a sh--ty break-up and my last relationship had problems w/ aggresion connecting w/ drinking. Well to cut a long story short the last two times i saw my ex I got drunk and the last time I hit the roof BIG STYLE with her, her 'new friends' and even some of my friends. I shocked myself to the core and I've gone to get counselling and am researching anger management techniques. - My motivation for this is that I owe it to my family, friends and myself (and my ex - for all the rows she showed me a lot of faith) to get back to the rational, sensible, hard working person I was/am/could be.

One session of counselling seems to have done wonders for me. I've come to realise that I have a lot going on in my life and I'm not solely to blame for everything I've done and started to feel liberated from my ex for the first time in a long time. I've come to realise it's no use trying to be romantic or complaining that she won't change her behaviour - the key to my own piece of mind is me changing mine and taking the chances I have in front of me.

The strange thing is the first time I was aggresive towards her (and it's not a one way street - she won't accept that her aggression is a problem) she asked me to go to counselling. I didn't and I wish I had because I think it would have made me see more clearly what was going on and may have given me the strength to take control and end the relationship or demand reasonable changes. I've always been cynical about 'therepy,' 'self-help' or counselling but I've come to realise that even after one week it is helping move forward and develop my skills at dealing with conflicts.

At this moment in time I don't want any contact with my ex cos she's not interested in anything apart from binge drinking and gossip - I do feel I could move on as well, i.e if I met someone I wouldn't feel something holding me back. (well not much!!) I also feel if the nightmare happened and my ex turns up and says - o.k you were right - we should talk about this, I can be a lot stronger and calmer and deal with thing on my terms.

I'm having NC and making a lot of changes for myself - mainly because I scared the hell out of myself and I need to learn new ways of dealing with situations and relationships. So I hope it sounds like I'm on the right lines and moving forward - being prepared for whatever outcome.

Thanks for all your time people. x (oh and I'm trying to not drink AT ALL 8 days now!)

[auburnslp]

excellent...wonderful first step...pm me and tell me what is really going on...I can talk to you of this if you want...just let me know...Michael

[deebee]

Well done Bones, sounds like you have taken positive steps. It takes courage to recognise the need to change oneself, and more to do something about it. You are right that the only person you can truly influence and change is yourself.

 

Hope the benefits of counselling continue - I guess there may be tough parts you need to get through before reaching the other side?

 

Well done on cutting out the booze. I have also stopped drinking in the week (didn't think it was realistic to stop entirely!) and have felt much better. I wasn't a heavy drinker (up to half a bottle of wine a night), but I realised that it only encouraged depression and negativity when I was feeling down after the break up.

 

Now I feel a lot sharper in the mornings and have more time to do things in the evenings too. I feel I am more in control of and in touch with my true 'self', if that makes sense? It's been about four weeks for me. Difficult to start with, but once the habit was broken I have got used to it and even enjoy sobriety!

 

Well done, sounds like you have regained some control over your life and are enjoying it!

[bones]

Any tips on how to 'get out of my head' in a non aclocoholic way. I'm worried about not being able to let of steam. I suppose exercise is the best way but on a friday night I know I'll get really really tempted to get drunk. Any suggestions? (Cheap activities for the moment!) 11 days without a drink!

Also - anyone suggest a simple book on managing anger and avoiding conflict available in the U.K.

Cheers folks!