ANXIETY!- Need some advice pleaseee

[Blanket]

Okay, So i've previously posted on here about the breakup and how after 2 and a bit months he called me in hopes to get back togeter.

 

Quick recap- 3 and a half years, he broke up with me, after 2 and a bit months he called me and apologized for leaving me and said he wanted to get back together. I said we'd take things slow, its been 2 weeks since and this is whats happening.....

 

I'm a very straight forward person. If I don't like something I'll tell you. Anyways my ex and I have been taking it slow but it just doesn't seem like he's changed. Prior to our breakup I used to feel anxiety when I wasn't with him cuz I would question what he was doing and where and who he was with. I knew it was my mind playing games with me so I avoided telling him and I kept it inside. It made me feel very insecure. After we broke up my anxiety COMPLETELY went away. I never felt it anymore, and I was actually starting to feel content with the BU. Anyways, he knows how much I CAN'T stand to be told he'll call me back and he doesn't ...

 

Keep in mind-> yeah he's a full time student but he doesn't work and most of his classes end between 12-4pm everyday.

 

since we've started to talk again he's said he'd call me back and didn't for the rest of the day till the next day. It's happened 4 times already, and his excuses are so LAME! DONT tell me you can't take 2 mins out of your day to call and be like "hey i'm a little busy so i prolly wont be able to get back to you for the rest of the day." or even shoot me a text. THAT IS ALL IM ASKING FOR. Prior to dating I told him how much that bothered me..while we were together I told him how much that bothered me, and the first 2 times he did it recently I told him how much it bothered me and he needs to be considerate otherwise it;s not going to work. I DONT WANT TO NAG HIM but holding it inside stresses me out and it causes me to have anxiety again.

 

Is there something i need to change? Am i asking for too much? Please am I crazy to ask for that? I need some advice.

[belezah]

why are you feeling anxious when he is not around? you think he might be doing something behind your back or you just miss him?

[gottogeton]

As a girl who isn't getting timely responses from someone who tried to rekindle the past a few days ago, I don't think your being crazy. And I don't think it's you. I think there is something going on with him that causes him not to have the courtesy to respond. Any idea what it might be?

[TidalWave]

No respect for people who promise to do something and they don't do it. The excuse is in 99% just some stupid alibis. And unless backed up with facts, I'm not going to accept it. Furthermore, I will refrain from dealing with that person in similar matter ever again, unless, perhaps, when forced to by some unfortunate circumstances. Their number gets deleted most of the time, (I don't have tendency of answering numbers which I don't have in contact list) or in worse cases, to block-list.

 

If you're crazy, then that makes me lunatic? I think you're pretty reasonable. It's about setting your boundaries and standards that you want to have accepted by others. If someone does not qualify, it means they are not good enough for me.

[Chestpains]

some of my friends genuinely take forever to reply. They receive a text/ missed call while they are busy. By the time they arent busy they have forgotten about the text or call until they look at their phone again and remember.

 

If he has always been like this, he might just naturally do it. It doesn't mean hes ignoring you intentionally. Just speak to him (when you can) and just let him know it really bothers you and be sincere about it. Don't get angry but make him understand its causing you anxiety and explain why.

 

Then if he doesn't change you may need to re-think.

 

All the best

[Blanket]

belezah I think I get anxious because I just feel like he's always going to let me down. I can't trust his words. I want to give him the beenfit of the doubt but he always seems to let me down. It's a continous cycle and because I've had to deal with it for a year and a half it's just caused me to have anxiety.

 

gottogeton I don't know what it causing it. I can't even think of what it may be.

 

tidalwaveThank you. You're right. My friends also told me never to lower my standards and if he can't be considerate of the way I feel and compromise than he's not worth it. But I just thought they were being biased because I'm their friend. I just wanted to hear it from others and see what their thoughts were.

 

chestpainsI understand what you mean. But I'll give you a scenario, I'll call him at lets say 2:30 pm to say hi and see how his day is going so far, we'll talk for about 10mins and HE'LL tell me HE WILL call me back later. (I'm not to particular on time especially if you say later I dont expect to be called at a particular time) I will not get a call, or a text till the next day whnever he's up or free.

I've told him and he got mad and said "dont start this * * * * again, why do you love to nag me about everything." Which I honestly dont. I genuinely and sincerely hate nagging him because in the end I know I can't make him do something out of his will. He broke up with me, he lost my trust, and When he called me to get me back I didn't play games. I didnt play hard to get. Maybe I should have and maybe he'd be working a lot harder. But this is his time to shine and try and win me back, and he's just pushing me away.

 

I'm just so mad at myself because I was in a good place and it took me so long to get there. Even this one lady at work (which I'm close with) told me she's been seeing that sadness in my eyes again these past few days. She said when I wasn't with she could see me building myself again and I would walk around with my head high and a constant smile on my face.

 

That smile is slowly starting to disappear

 

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

[belezah]

this guy sounds familiar. my ex is the same type of guy. he likes to call by himself, when it is a good time for him. years ago he wouldn't even pick up when i called, so afraid that i might ask him to come see me when he was busy doing something else. he would always call me back, much later when i would be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and madness

it is very complicated to deal with a man like that. my ex eventually changed this after a conversation we had. this was years later though. but there was other things that functioned in a similar manner...

[sadchick83]

Blanket,

 

You need to download/read Byron Katie. She will teach you more than any shrink! She will teach you to not be haunted by your thoughts. I am going through the same thing with my ex ( we are in a reconciliation of sorts) .

 

If your guy is the type that doesnt call back on time- dont get stressed! If this is his way, and he is like this with all his friends, you are unlikely to change him. Ask yourself "Am I SURE he is up to something naughty when he doesn't call on time?" If you are not sure, it is not a fact and you cannot let it bother you.

 

I suffer from the same thing. I am very honest, and due to my line of work, I always call people as promised. My guy is horrible at calling people back, gets distracted easily etc. I have learned that this is his way, I have to take the good with the bad. And, everytime I have

"checked out" why he did call on time, he was either sleeping, or at works and forgot about the time.

 

For example, my ex never cheated on me...so what would I rather have my ex? Or a cheater who is punctual?

 

He might be testing you as well at this point..to see if you get put off with his inability to call you back.

 

 

I say, dont get stressed about this.

[Blanket]

Sadchick,

Thanks for replying. But it's too late. I already messaged him yesterday telling him that I don't think its going to work out. I said " I've told you twice already that It bothers me when you do that. Your not willing to change which means you don't care. And I'm sorry but I don't wana b this unhappy anymore" he replied " so your just going to let me go?" "I do care" than he tried calling and I didn't answer and it was left AT that. That happened around 4 pm yesterday. We haven't talked. I figure it's going to hurt for a bit then I'll go back to being content with being single again.

[Blanket]

And as for the part where you said you know people who say they'll call and don't, that's a bad habit that can be broken on. If my uncle who smoked for 25 years and quit can do it so can they. Were not asking them to change a personality trait. So i don't make excuses to justify bad habits. If he loves me like e says he does he'll be willing to atleast work on it.