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Its been 9+ months, should I be looking for some one new?


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I have just started to fully realize who I am w/o my X GF. My question is, I have tried to date sense then and it has all ended up with me sitting home alone on the weekends. My X and i dated for 2+ years. I know myself better now becasue i have spent this time looking for and realizing once again who I am. Any advice? Can women "smell" a guy whos not ready to be dating again? Im really at a loss here. And the more time I spend alone the more I start to get upset about the fact that I dont seem to be able to handle being alone when all of the people around me are going though relationships like they are candy.

 

Confused and lonely...

Nic Hex

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The fact that you question whether or not your ready to date probably means that your not. I don't think that woman can "smell" a man who's not ready to date but I believe that both men and women can sense a person who is wounded.

 

Take more time for yourself. There is no rush to start dating. Instead of sitting home alone on the weekend try to go out with friends that are single. If you don't have any single friends then maybe find something that you truly like to do and do it. Good luck.

 

evepm

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I dont have many single friends at home (Im a college studnet and at home for the summer). And all the things I like doing are things my X and i used to do. For example I played computer games a LOT but once we broke up, my love of gaming died out. Im not trying to knock you down, but I feel like i have tried all I can think of to stay active and heal. I did get to start up one thing that she lways kept me from, I joined AF ROTC at school. That was a big help in finding myself again, but saddly the summer is ROTC off time.

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I am at the same point as you: 9+ months after the breakup and wondering if I should be dating. I was with her for just over 2 years, and it was SO hard to get over her. I, too, am on break for the summer from school, and I had high hopes that I would be making a "comeback" in this area of my life by now. Almost all my friends were single when I was in the relationship, but now ALL of them are heavily involved.

 

I'm a 22 year old student. My X left me for someone else, which was devastating. We'd had big plans, and I was blindsided this move. It took me about 5 months to stop wallowing. I read a lot of "How to Get Over your Ex" material, and found the "Make a list of their bad qualities" advice to be extremely helpful. I read the list every morning. I kept a copy in my wallet. It was there for refernce/editing whenever I felt sentimental. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Write down anytime they made you cry, or anything negative you can think of. Be ruthless. Read it often.

 

You know what helped me through? Lots and lots of Starcraft. That got me through those first few months, as a distraction. At month 5, I made a decision. I was going to make a gigantic effort to meet people. Usually, I meet people incidentally at work, through friends, etc. But I have actually been FORCING myself to go to public places with the GOAL of meeting people. Example, I'll go to Denny's and look for someone interesting with whom I could start a conversation (I met a current good friend like this by starting a convo about their band t-shirt), and I introduce myself a lot more. I recommend convincing one of your best friends to join you in this venture; it's less intimidating (for you AND the people you are meeting) when you aren't alone.

 

This was initially very hard for me because I am by NO means a "social butterfly"; I had to force myself. But this was a way for me to get involved with a completely new social network; and you only have to meet a few people, and then you meet their friends, etc... If you are just friendly, most people are very receptive. The best thing is you're being exposed to a large volume of people and you are bound to connect with a number of them. I haven't found a dating partner yet, but I have a whole new group of friends. So now Starcraft doesn't own all of my Saturday nights. This is a great first step. I haven't found someone to date yet (being hurt so badly has made me cautious) but its only a matter of time.

 

Finding a fresh network of support has made me feel whole again. I wouldn't recommend relationship-hunting until you feel "whole". This worked for me, maybe it will for you, too. Lemme know

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Seem SomeJoe and I have had the same prob at the same point. And that come back, bummer that they never seem ta work ya know? I realized in a dream that Im over my X. I got my "revenge" by showing her that I was able to live MY life. Not OURs because I saw that "we" didnt exist. During my 1st few months I saw a counsler, it was a big help. Now I guess I just need to pass the time until I stop worrying about if Im ready or not.

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It helped me realize what truly was going on. My mind felt as though some one had died. And ya know...it took some greving (spelling). But yeah, 9 months later and Im feeling a little better. And now, can I get some advice about the title of this topic?

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Hey man i totally feel you with video games and staying home hurt. I was a big gamer and now I feel I can't even play my games without going crazy. We in the same boat but i took up working out in the gym and that sort of helps. But what really helps me is just bettering my own life. Hang in there, there's more women on this planet then men and you will meet somebody else. Go out, meet people it helps but i know how it is when you get home, lonely. Just find things to do and always remember that the better you make yourself the faster you'll appreciate everyone else, and the faster they'll appreciate you.

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People have a funny way of copping with a break up some it takes years if not months or weeks.

 

Hurts doesn't it?

 

But there is hope.

 

Dust yourself off. Look forward to the future and count your blessings knowing that it could have been worse.

 

Hope that helps I might be rambling here.

Shoot high not low

 

The breakup and pain withtit are the low point. the freedom and the chance to do it again and start over fresh is the high point.

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SomeJoe - that's Some good advise. I have been trying to do exactly what you're doing. That's how I got over my first ex, but back then, I was still in school and so it was way easier to meet new people. Now, having a full time job, and since the people at my work are not in the same era as me, i.e., they are married with kids, etc., it takes more effort to pick yourself up, and actually try to look for places where you might find people of the same age or interests. Oh well

 

Anyways, NicHex, I agree with SomeJoe. Try to make yourself "whole" again before you try to delve into another love relationship - you sound like you're still wounded, and this will only cause problems if you are in another love relationship.

 

Good luck and take care.

Kung fu

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I am about 4 months out of a 7 month relationship, and have started getting back out there in a big way. I actually went on a date with someone I met in the supermarket- Gave myself credit for pulling a number from the produce section. During the date, she wanted to know about my past of course. Because her and my ex work in the same field, I knew it was likely the knew eachother- And of course they did. She said that it would not get back to her, but I felt very uneasy the rest of the night. It has left me confused- Did I go out with the wrong type of girl, or am I just not ready? Part of me doesn't care if my ex finds out, because then it will be obvious that I'm no longer home crying like a helpless victim. Any thoughts?

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I think Im relasping (sp). Because today I have started to feel really cold and I dont know....unwanted seems to feel about right. I have this empty feeling right now. How should i go about dealing now? I mean, I have gotten back into some of my fave past times, and Im working an ok part time job (3rd shift none the less). I just want to know, how is it that after almost 10 months now, shes in a steedy relationship (after asulting me n other things) and Im still feeling like I did this some how!?

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I think I know whats has started my relpase....next week woulda been 3 years. i know thinking about this isnt good, but it just kinda pop'd into my head. Also, I realize now that 22 Oct will be a year w/o her (we start our "break" 2 days before my 20th b-day), and w/o any one. This is a new record in my life (time being single) but ya know what. At least Im joking about being single any more. BTW: Any one have advice on places to go out and meet new people? Thnx

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