How am I supposed to NC.... UPDATE

[alyira]

Ok...in this situation I was the dumpee. He gave vague reasons for dumping me, but I believe it was more than likely the fact that we've been dating 3 years and he hasn't spent much time with his friends most of that time. So he wants to go out and do his own thing, spend more time with his estranged father, etc. Understandable, though painful for me. Annnnyway.

 

I decided, "Ok, no contact time." So I ignored him for about a day, and he pops up on MSN the minute I log on and and was like, "Where have you been all day??" (not control freak like, more concerned). And he's done this several times. Now we talked on the phone last night, and after the conversation, which was mostly good, I was feeling a bit down because he has made plans with a good mutual female friend of ours to go to the Warped Tour in a few weeks. So I decided to not contact him for awhile, step back and take a breather, and deal with things a little better in case he gets together with this girl. And he emails me twice today about silly little things, after just one day of not talking again.

 

I also made it clear I wouldn't see him again for quite a while, because I needed to heal and what not, though I would remain his friend. This bothers him alot and he brings it up frequently. He says stuff like, "But you'll be going away for school soon....why do you make it out like we won't see each other for a long time?.." This past Wednesday he dropped my stuff off at my house while I was home, and he stood looking at me for a sec then smothered me in this big hug, and we kissed for awhile. Then I said "Goodbye" and he was like, "...you made that sound so final."

 

Ever since then, he's been making excuses to see me..."I think you have my rollerblade pads, can I come over and get them?" (he hasn't rollerbladed in years... ) Before when he thought we'd talk and see each other a fair bit, he said this stuff was insignificant, but now it's a big deal. I offered to give them to the girl I referred to earlier, but he was all, "No no, that'll take forever, I want them back soon." Which is a big fat excuse because 1. The girl is part of our group of friends, so he'd see her within the week and have his pads back quickly. 2. He doesn't rollerblade, so why the hell is it a big emergency??

 

He's also admitted he's putting on this big act for our friends about being happy and fine, and apparently he doesn't sleep worth crap and is starting to drink, (not in total excess, its just odd because he NEVER drank before and he's been drunk twice since we broke up two weeks ago).

 

I've got mixed feelings about it all. Through it all, he still claims he doesn't feel "that way" about me. I'm thinking if I NC him for a week or two, he will realize he obviously does, because he's a big stubborn dummy head. But what should I do when he contacts me? He doesn't call, but he emails and messages me. Obviously I can block him on my message list, but should I respond to emails at all?

 

Thanks for any thoughts and advice..

 

Love Britt

[AngelOfDarknes]

okay try to tell him once more that u dont want no contact for how many weeks u want, and if he stills dosent understand just ignore him,if he emails you, dont respond stuff like that..

[Mr Mister1]

Doesn't sound like he had a very good reason to end it in the first place. Maybe he realises his stupidity and is trying to get you back? But do you want him back?

[alyira]

I do want him back. It sounds silly I know, but we've been best friends for alot longer then we have been together, and we just know each other like open books. I think he's my soulmate and all that silly stuff I just think he needs some space, but at the same time he's confusing me about where he stands about me and him.

[alyira]

Oh, and I forgot to add this to my first post...I work a night shift, which means I don't come home till 4-4:30 in the morning. He's waiting for me online EVERY night when I get home. Last night I worked late and didn't get home till 5 and he was STILL on waiting for me.

 

Men...and they talk about women...

 

Britt

[bzborow1]

If you're trying to do no contact with him why are you still having him on your MSN at all!?!?!?!?

[Mr Mister1]

Sounds a bit like my ex, as said in a previous post she wanted to sleep over at my place and "spend time with me" but then pulled out because she was "busy." Hmm she also got really anoyed/paranoid when i wasnt online for a few days and she claimed that id put her at the bottom of my prioritys list and then felt the need to ask if i was seeing anyone. It's weird how she'll act like that, say that she really wants to see me then pull out..everyone tells me to just ditch her for good but i have that feeling that she's my soulmate too..

 

sorry getting off track, maybe you should ask him stright out if he wants you back? and if he says no ask why he's so clingy.

it's risky but you could tell him that if he doesn't want you back that you WANT him to leave you alone for a while and if he tries to contact you just tell him again you want to be left alone.

[alyira]

I went on my ICQ that day instead of MSN to chat with some friends. I barely use ICQ at all, I'm normally pretty hardcore about MSN, and he hasnt used ICQ for about a year, so I didnt expect he'd be on. But he was.

 

I think he'd say no if I asked him straight out at this point about wanting me back. He still claims he doesnt love me "thatta way". A week or two of no contact might do the trick in that aspect, as well as give me a much needed breather from the drama.

[DaniNYC21]

I think that this guy sounds like he wants you back but he also wants some space to think things out. I would definitely do the NC thing for 2-3 weeks. Keep his email unread and don't answer any phone calls. If by chance you happen to answer the phone...make it very quick...just tell him you are about to run out...a friend is waiting for you. If he asks who say...you don't know him. Let him think you are moving on with your life. In 2-3 weeks...call him to "catch" up. Do not bring up your relationship. He'll probably ask all the questions. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

[alyira]

Hm...apparently tomorrow he needs to talk to me about how he has a new relationship. (Found out through mutual friend). The rebound chick; this is an interesting twist.

[bzborow1]

If you want to get him back just ask him. If you have and he's said no thanks, lets just be friends, or anything like that....just delete him off ALL your chat services and stop being weak. If he doesn't respect and want you then why waste your life on him? Every minute you waste is a minute you could have been out there experiencing NEW things. Life's too short.

[alyira]

He started seeing the girl he was going away to Warped Tour with about a week ago, and after I NC'ed him for about two days he ended up emailing me and asking me to talk to him again, and so I did.

 

Since then, we've ended up spending every night on the phone for hours talking about all this stuff thats going on his life that I had no idea about. (A lot of family and personal problems of his that he didn't share before). He says he still loves me and I'm the only one who understands him, and last night he even BEGGED (and I mean for like 15 minutes) to let him walk down to my house at 2AM so he could see me. Mind you it would have been a two hour walk in the fog and dark, and he would have gotten crap from his parents for frolicking about in the night, and my parents(who I still have to live with for another month) probably wouldnt have been pleased to wake up in the morning and find him there without prior notice. I said no for all the above reasons, though I wanted to see him horribly of course, and he almost cried because he was so frustrated he couldnt see me right then.

 

However, he's still seeing rebound girl, and she knows nothing about us still talking. I've told him that I want him to make up his mind between me and rebound chick, and that there will be no intimacy till he does such. He said he just needs a few hours by himself to sit down and clear his head. This girl is rebounding off him as well, and he's aware of it, but they were friends for awhile before all this, and his whole group of friends will more than likely outcast him when he dumps her, because they're all her friends.

 

So should I be mad that he won't up and immediately ditch rebound chick? Any more views on the whole situation would be appreciated.

 

Also apparently he's no longer going to Warped Tour with her..

 

Thanks for any advice!

Britt