After 3 weeks of NC I bumped into the Ex while at work.

[JustPlainSad]

Hey man thats sounds really good to me. She my be attempting to get back with you. The other side is that she may really just want to be "best" friends because you two did do a lot together. The only way to tell is to really read her eyes and body language. That will give you a good indication as to what is going on. Whatever you do keep it going for a bit. Play the game with her. get the flirting up. That will make things more exciting for you and her. It will also keep her attention all on you rather than thinking of another guy.

 

I hope it works out for the best!!!!!

[craigblitz]

Hey ShamrockLover... I wish any of us could tell you why she called, but you know we can't. There are some optimist here, and some pestimist here so you know all the responses will vary.

 

Also, you will drive yourself insane trying to figure out why so and so is doing something. Literally insane, trust me I was and sometimes get in that boat. I am not saying there is nothing to take away from this. The positives, she called which means she is thinking of you. Has no problem going to a concert with you, another great sign.

 

I also think you handled yourself really well on the phone, didn't bring back the memories of tense times what was done was done, and you made her remember some of the good things in the realtionship.

 

So, my advice..... Chalk that little encounter as a win and be happy about it. It sounds like you may be getting into the boat many of us are in, so be ready to patient like you have never been patient before....

 

Good Luck my man.

[ShamrockLover]

Thanks for the optimism friends. I appreciate it.. It was funny cause on the phone she brought up last friday and i threw in an inside joke line regarding the butt grab and she laughed. This is actually more than a concert. it is a two day show, however we will be there for five. thursday till monday morning.. does that make things different. we will be camping together for some time.. at first I feared that she would ditch me at the show, but I don't really see that as being something that she would do... but heck you never know I hope that all goes well with this.. I laughed a ton on the phone last night... I know that she love(s)(d) my laugh a lot. I told her about the dispatch concert I was going to this weekend and she was like "not sure if I am going to go to that, I have field hockey training for school" I was like that is awesome, knowing that she digs field hockey and being on the team for her college is important to her. Sunday is the day that should be our anniversary... Do you think that she is thinking about that, too..

[ShamrockLover]

Does anyone think that I should send an email to her saying that perhaps we can get together sometime before the show(august 12 -17) or should I keep on working off of the NC. I am really concerned about doing the Right thing now...

[JustPlainSad]

I would say wait. You can email her a few times before now and then but make that night extra special. Allow the anticipation to build up. She's already in contact with you and trying to make plans with you. I would just say keep it cool until then.

 

As for the anniversary just send her the smallest hintingest email on that day. Something along the lines of ";-) you know I didnt forget....."

[Beec]

Not sure about the anniversary, as there seems to be nothing to celebrate. That would be a great day to see her at her work for five mintues and jsut say, I was thinking about you today.

 

Otherwise, save it for the Phish show, but be ready.

[ShamrockLover]

chances are I may not see her on Sunday, If she has the field hockey thing up at school, that is a couple of hours from here. I was just wondering if I should just drop her a quick line and say something like "remember such and such from the Northeast Kingdom Music Festival" ( that is where we met last year ) we called that the beginning of our relationship. I figured it might be cool to say, "hey remember a year ago we met and stayed up all night lieing side by side and talking until the sun came up" i dont know if I should say anything like that though. There are a lot of fond memories though..

[Beec]

I would not say anything like that. Something towards you thinking about her is great. She should know what you are thinking about. Don't be too longingly reminescent.

[ShamrockLover]

gotcha, good Idea... so something like Hey I did not forget what today is and just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you..

 

will that be cool, short sweet, not pressurring..

[JustPlainSad]

Sham just do this "thinking of you hmmmmmm wonder why....." let her figure it out. I'm sure she already knows. Keep it real short and vague.

[Beec]

My words would simply be: "Hi, just wanted to tell you I was thinking of you today. Hope all is well with you. See you soon." Nothing else needed. If she remembers, then she'll know why or at least thinks she knows why. If she doesn't, no biggie, you have not revealed a ton.

[craigblitz]

I agree with Beec on this one.. A simple just thinking of you and wanted to say hi..... Nothing wrong with that... Everyone likes be thought of right.... Then she might put 2 and 2 together and that is a win win...

[ShamrockLover]

cool thanks for the advise everyone. Much appreciation. In my heart I hope it all adds up and works out, but no matter what I know that it is important to take care of myself. I finanlly feel like I am gaining my strenght and confidence back... I owe a great deal of it to everyone who has been communicating with me here. I will send her an email on sunday at some point just to say hello and what not. Short and sweet.

if anyone has any other input to share I would love it.

[ShamrockLover]

Hey there all. Just wanted to say hey and let you all know whats up. I am not doing so well. I am wicked confused about everything. As this post says I talked to my ex at work a couple of weeks ago, then she called.. It seems as though for about 3 weeks she was trying to get a hold of me to "make sure that things are ok between us" I personally think that is crap because obviously they are not. Anywho...Update. So last friday I had to deliver to her work again... No butt grabs this time... just a quiet hello and that was all. It weirds me out cause it seemed as though she was attempting to get to know what is going on for me, and then she just kinda got all cold and what not. The big phish concert is in just over a week....I am waiting to talk to her about some details on that, I am really nervous though. Does she really want to go to the concert with me, or does she just wanna see the show.. I feel really nervous in dealing with this upcoming event. Any thoughts on that? We are going to be among a hundred thousand people in a tent for five days. What will come of us in that time? This past weekend I brough 3 girls I know to Dispatch's last concert in Boston. It was a blast. I had a good time talking with the girls and hanging out. It was funny, we walked right through the crown and got to hop the barricade and hang out with my friends at the sound board. That was an ego booster... anywho, The entire time there was this underlying feeling of I wish (my ex) was there. I wanted her to be there with me so bad. My friend told me I was stupid when I said this to him, he said that when you walk in with three hot girls nothing else should matter. well it did. I am so glad they were there, but i wish that the one was as well. I have been testing my feelings a lot. I wonder if she is doing the same thing. I know taht one of the girls I brought likes me. we have actually been out for coffee a few times. I think that she rocks, but there is just no comparison to "the one" I have dated many girls in my day, but none so suited me as she did. what do these feelings mean? Am I just setting myself up for the worst hurt of all. The thing is that I cannot control how I feel about her. I just want her, physically, emotionally. I really feel empty once again, like before I met her. I have never in mylife felt so good and complete. I guess it is not fair to the girl who likes me cause I have been flirty too. Should I tell her that my feelings for "the one" are too strong? It is weird, yesterday would have been our anniversary, and Ironically I was in her town at a concert I wanted to see. I did not see her all day though, saw a few of her friends, that was it. Did not talk to anyone. How can I figure out what her, THE ONE, intentions are. What her real feelings are? I have not seen her in over a month now, how should I handle the phish concert I guess is what I am asking?

[Beec]

"just a quiet hello and that was all."

 

If you really want to know what she is thinking you need to read her body language, not her words. What did her eyes do? How was her posture? Where did she face relative to you?

 

And what did you say? She was friendly and smiled and flirted last time, maybe she thought it was your turn.

[bzborow1]

I think there were a few ppl on this thread that told you to be warned that she could just be playing around. My guess is that she wants to know how you're doing to relieve her guilt over the breakup, to know she hasn't destroyed you...so to speak. In my oppinion you are wasting your time and energy taking this one to the concert...i'd take the one that actually has some interest in you! Further...if you do decide to wimp out and take your ex, you better make her pay for her ticket. She broke up w/you, never forget that....also never forget that she's only going to do what's in her best interest (like perhaps a free concert?)...

[k33]

I'm a girl, let me give you a girls's perspective. I say just ask her what's going on and if she wants to go to the show. 5 days is a long time to spend with your ex, especially if you aren't sure what you want. She is probably a little freaked. You might want to tell her you are too, but you wouldn't want to go with anyone else and are looking forward to spending time with her. If she doesn't want to go, I would go with a buddy. It's a little intense for a new relationship... the other hot girl, I mean.

 

Honesty is always the best policy.

[Beec]

I would not be flat out about you wanting to be a couple. No way!

 

Here is the big question: you go with her, and nothing happens between the two of you, how do you feel about it?

[bzborow1]

Yeah never be direct with women about this stuff. Ever wonder how women explain one night stands, or cheating by "it just happened"?? Because it needs to be "spontaneaous" in their mind and by confronting her about it you take all of that away....IMO.

[Beec]

OK, as I said, you really need to lern to interpret body language. Most of what you need to know, she is probably telling you without words.

 

To go with her to Phish or not? Well, there are pros and cons. The biggest con would be if she went and hooked up with some other guy. If she still liked and had any respect for you, she won't. Which means the next question is how much can you work your game to get her. It could be a great opportunity as well as backfire.

 

You need to first be aloof, then make her feel special, then aloof, etc.

[ShamrockLover]

The other day when I saw her at work, i simply said hello there with a smile and then added a wink. She was busy, and i had my hands full on the move. I wrote her the email yesterday and let her know i was thinking of her and wanted to say hello. I also mentioned that she looked really nice when I did see her last. So what you're saying beec is to lay the mack down, then act as if there are no deep feelings there, and repeat process?? Get back to me on that one....I plan on just being me, which is a social, love to talk about anything and flirt kinda guy. I don't think that she is shallow or stupid enough to hook up with anyone else at the show. At least one can hope right

[Beec]

Well the best idea is to mix the delivery of emotional fulfillment, in with an aloof attitude, then stop delivering it. You really don't want to be acting or talking like you are trying to pick her up. For instance, the comment about her looking great, will either make her feel great or make her think "Why doesn't he just give up?" (I would seriously doubt the latter if she goes to the concert with you.) So, if she liked it and you don't give her more, then she will or may come looking for more of it soon.

 

Aloof, independent, not clingy or needy, you are not looking for much from her. Latter on in a realtionship we may be ready to give anything for our lvoed ones, but early on, love is a deal a bargain and we want to get what we need from someone who asks little in return. So, being aloof demonstrates this. It also demonstrates that you have some control. It's all fine and good if she can read some signs in your body language of you wanting her, but keeping control over your urges, not rushing into things, that demonstrates that you can exercise control, keep your stuff together.

 

The same works for women. I have an ex who wants to get back together. She called me everyday a for over a week a few weeks ago. Do you think she improved her chances by doing so? No, of course not.

[bzborow1]

I think the underlying tone behind Beec's points is confidence. You need to be calm and cool about everything. IMO, the attitude you should portray is, "i could have if I want it, but right now i'm just not sure...what's in it for me?"

[Beec]

I think the underlying tone behind Beec's points is confidence. You need to be calm and cool about everything. IMO, the attitude you should portray is, "i could have if I want it, but right now i'm just not sure...what's in it for me?"

 

I'd leave out the "what's in it for me?" Love is a bargain, you want them to think they are getting a deal, buying what they need cheaply.

[ShamrockLover]

Cool guys, i dig the advice guys. She actually just Immed me a minute ago, not saying much though... just whats up. I hate the IM for the whole emmotionless typing thing...it is no fun to chat with someone you care about online... Anywho...If you guys have anything else to say LMK. I will brief you all on what is going on.