Give me time and leave me alone?

[jerwei]

HI ppl

 

I'm just very curious to find out from you guys, especially those who have broken up with your ex gfs before. What exactly is going through your mind when you tell ur ex " I need time.In the mean time, leave me alone". So, my ex told me all that. he also told me that we'v never be together again. One of my frens told me those words kinda contradict. i duno....

 

its been 5 mths since we ended a 1+ year relationship.even had 1 year of frenship prior to the r/s. Hes been becoming more n more like a stranger. Used to sometimes tok to me when i call him. but now, he totally ignores me and shuts me out. What the heck is going through his mind? Yes i really do admit that I havent exactly been leaving him alone. cos i miss him jz too much and of course, still hope for a second chance. Not long ago, before he hung up my fone call, he said " if you still wanna patch things, stop calling me". Tts after he told me we'd never be together again. contradict? well now, hes even said he doesnt wan the frenship anymore.

 

i suspect he said it in the spur of anger, just to make me give up. maybe i'm wrong.i do not know.

 

anw, i'v return everything that he gave me during the r/s. Went to his house lately(he wasnt around), and i found that he kept everything that i'v given him. even the most crumpled note that i stuffed on his bike. Even the small little notes i gave him AFTER we broke up, he kept them. If he seems like the heartless man hes showing me, ignoring me and shutting me out and all, why is he keeping those things? and the foto album i gave him, filled with our photographs stands on his table alone. MAybe all these are just insignificant stuff...i dunno.....

 

Sometimes i just dont understand.....

 

Could u pple give me some comments, enlighten me? esp guys....thank u....again....

 

all the best and good luck to everyone here! smile! =)

[jerwei]

anw, just to add. i brought a cake and a present to his doorstep on his birthdae. he din even say a word of thanks. i mean, its down right freaking rude! when i actually asked him abt it, he told me those were not wat he wants. I'm like, do you only thank a person whos given you a present that you want? NO RIGHT? Anyway, i was thinking, hes in not much of a position to WANT anything right? why should he even be wanting something outa me? why should he be expecting something outa be when i'm someone he doesnt like anymore.

 

You dont expect/want something outa just anyone. TO me, when u have that expectation in your heart, THAT person should be someone close. well, at least not a person like an EX u'v dumped. no?

[evepm]

Dear jerwei:

 

Obviously, I'm not a guy but I have been in a situation where I desperately needed space to sort things out.

 

When someone tells you that they need time, the probably mean what they say. He has told you flat out that he doesn't want you to contact him and all that you are doing is pushing him away. I unfortunately can't tell you what's going threw his mind but I can tell you that if you don't give him space, you will ruin any chance of getting back with him. If you truly care about him you're going to have to give him the time and space that he needs. I know that it is a really difficult thing to do and it hurts not to be with him. But, better to give him a little time now than to never have a chance with him again.

 

I hope that I gave you some insight into the situation and I wish the best of luck to you. 8)

 

Take Care,

Evepm

[tRiKTa]

i agree with what eve is saying u need to give him space. in a relationship spending time together is just as important as not spending time with each other. sometimes a guy needs space just to be by himself or with the guys just to chill out it doesn't mean he doesn't like u. if he tells u that he needs space then he really needs space like u said u havent really been giving him any space which is most likely why he is becoming more of a stranger because u are not respecting his needs not doing what he wants.

 

As a guy when i am with a gf sometimes it can feel like she is suffercating me and she just needs to step back give me space, space to breathe and she respects that which is maybe why we get on so well, and sometimes the more time i spend away from her the more i miss her and want her so my advice to u is to just step back give him some space and hopefully he will come around

[jerwei]

yah, one of our issues is that he feels that i don respect and trust him during our relationship. but to me, thats totally an accusation i feel i'm innocent of. i have told him that i'v always respect, love and trust him as my boyfren. He said that my actions do not reflect the above....and he cant keep telling himself that I really do respect n trust him when he feels the other way round.

 

thats why i feel i'v been misintepreted in many ways. he says its his intepretation. he has the right to think anything abt me. cos its HIS thinking. if i wanna change his thinking, i gota show it to him.well. sad.

 

love, trust and respect. they'r all shown in different ways.........

[Scout]

yah, one of our issues is that he feels that i don respect and trust him during our relationship. but to me, thats totally an accusation i feel i'm innocent of

 

I beg to differ. You went to his house only recently and went through his things. Obviously you had to do this to discover that he still had everything you ever gave him. I think this is scary behavior. If an ex went inside my house when I wasn't there, I would be seriously pissed, and maybe even have a restraining order put against him!

 

This guy sounds like has moved on with the relationship and doesn't want to come back. Are you willing to respect that and start to live your own life again?

[Confused and hurt]

Jerwei,

 

I think we are in pretty much the same situation. I took my boyfriend for granted alot of the time and about a month ago he broke up with me saying that he loves me enormously but is not in love with me and that if things are meant to be in the future, they will be but right now he needs to be alone because he cannot give me 100% of himself even if we do get back together. He said he doesn't want to give me false hope that we will for sure be together one day but that he also doesn;t want to say we will never be together because he doesn't want to close the door to that possibility. He also said that it is too hard to talk as friends right now and that when he is ready to he will call me. So..I have not called him in 2 weeks now. I made the mistake of calling him right after that conversation and he was cold and distant and said I wasn't respecting what he had asked. A week ago he talked to me on MSN messenger for 5 minutes...but that is it. I have no idea what to do...I know I shouldn't call because that is what he asked and I don;t want to push him, but at the same time I do not want to feel like this forever and I cannot move on. I have really realized that he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and that if I do get a second chance, I have to seriously alter my behaviour. I guess I am confused like you are...there are alot of mixed messages and I can't make heads or tails of this situation.

[Confused and hurt]

Any comments or advice will be greatly appreciated

[jerwei]

hi scout

 

i need to clarify some stuff here. I went into his place AND room with his family's permission. I didnt look through his stuff the way u said it. yes it is his stuff, but they are the stuff i gave him. 2 boxes, ya know gift boxes, thereafter he used them to hold everything abt us...? everything i looked at, i'v seen before. maybe this is a serious act of intruding into someone's privacy. but i think i didnt go beyond the line.

 

n yes i don deny tt this guy has well, moved on and would not come back. thanks for the reminder.

[craigblitz]

I am sorry but if a person is blunt and says do not contact them then there is no question what you should do.... DO NOT CONTACT THEM.

 

Now the question becomes well what should I do, I now realize that I really love so and so and want them back. Well, right now that person does not want that so why not try to move on and take what you have learned to someone else. Maybe someday they will contact you maybe they won't. Man that sounds so harsh, but if a person is that blunt you have to respect that.

 

Even give it a couple of months and send a nice email saying hi and wanted to see how things were going, if you have a momemnt write back. At that time only do it if you will not be crushed that they do not write you back, maybe they will maybe they won't.

[tRiKTa]

well well well i must say i agree with craigblitz 100% even though he is very harsh about it but what can i say the truth hurts, girls just try to move on there will be other guys eventually maybe he will b a friend maybe he will not u never kno maybe in the future he may want u and u may not want him back, but don't worry plenty more fish in the sea