Well it's four months later.....

[Dullaware]

Today, for no reason at all I had a relapse. I've done NC and haven't spoken to her in four months. I don't know where it came from but now I want to see her again.......Has it been long enough? If so how do I go about talking to her? I don't want to be alone anymore....

[Emotional]

Call her...Whats the worse thing that can happened??

 

Take a chance...

 

I know how you feel...because i was feeling the same way after Ironically the same amount of months...

 

I called him and left a message..hopeing he will return my phonecall...

 

GOOD LUCK

[Gilgamesh]

If your still hurting then your not ready, if you make contact with her again you will lose a lot of the progress you have gained, the reason your still fealing like this is because you still havent let go of her.

 

Dont fool yourself in thinking your healed enough to make contact, your obviously not. the fact that your feeling lonely and you thing she is the only answer proves otherwise.

 

She is not the answer but the problem, she is the reason you went through all that heartbreak, it was her choice.

 

Give it more time ok, 4 months may seem like a long time, it isnt really.

[evepm]

Dear Dullaware:

 

I completely agree with Gilgamesh. I could not have said it better myself.

 

It is way to soon to contact her. You need to re-focus yourself and go one with your life. Find the things that make you happy on your own. I know things are painful right now and you are lonely but surround yourself with the people that care about you.

 

Take Care,

Evepm

[Brandell]

I agree with Gilgamesh and Evepm. Emotional, your response is not want this person wants to hear, believe me. Whats the worst that can happen? You can be right back at square one when you hear a cold, detached voice down the other end of the line, or no response.

 

I too am 4 months down the road (3 months no contact) and there is no way I would break no contact as the last time I did it was a very bad experience which shook me to my soul as I was talking to someone who bore no resemblance to the person I loved. A cold, nasty and cutting conversation that I will never repeat.

 

I miss my ex. every day. But I will not contact her. Not if I want to keep my sanity. If the day comes when I feel strong enough and have moved on I wish to contact her or, more than likely, at that stage there will be no need. If she ever wishes to contact me I will listen but for now she is a no go area for me. I don't even want to see her.

 

This is healing.

[jerwei]

Sometimes, i just don understand. u love her.but u dont wanna see her?

[Brandell]

Not sure who that question was directed at Jerwei, me or the original poster, but in the immortal words of Tom Hanks' character in Saving Private Ryan when they were walking through the field and they guy asks whats the sense of risking the troop for one guy....

 

"Anybody want to answer that?"

 

How can we love them and yet not want to see them..

 

I am sick of answering this question and every time I do it makes me feel worse but I have to stick with it..

 

Explain guys

[jerwei]

erm, ya it was actually directed at Brandell and anyone who has any comments abt tt. i'm sorry the question has caused some annoyance to u brandell. it was just a question i cant seem to understand. maybe i'm not mature enough to realise it. (i'm 22)

 

peace always

[skynet74]

She is not the answer but the problem, she is the reason you went through all that heartbreak, it was her choice.

-----------

 

Wow Gilgamesh .... those are Beautiful words. That one single sentence has given me new perspective. I love my Ex dearly. But you are absolutely correct. I'm looking at her as the answer, but right now she is actually the problem. Thank you for giving me a new way of looking at things.

 

 

 

 

John

[MrMikeWikowski]

Well,

 

I too love and miss my ex, but I don't think I want to see her either.

 

I suppose it doesn't make all that much sense off of the top, but in a way it does.

 

Regardless of being done wrong, or regardless that it is "over" we sill miss and love or exes. Maybe it's silly to do so, but the truth is we do. And many of us have come to realize this. Some of us even wish we didn't love our exes anymore - sure would make life easier - but of course if you love someone, you can't just throw a switch and be done with it. You can ignore it, but I think it is better to embrace it.

 

However, the problem of loving someone who does not love you back (or is not sure if that do) is that it makes you incredibly weak. There is a total power imbalance, and it can be really hard your self esteem.

 

So, many of us here have realized that yes, we do truly love our exes, but at the same time we have come to realize that they have the power to completely mess us up - and having been very messed up this past 1.5 year, I am desperately trying to avoid it.

 

Hopefully one day I will be strong enough to see and talk with her again. Maybe soon, maybe not so soon, but I do wonder if by then I really won't be missing her any longer

 

Mike