Resentment (warning: LONG post)

[rachinohio]

Okay, so lately I have been going through life with a huge chip on my shoulder. I have lost myself. I stay either sad and or angry 99.9% of my waking hours. Now, I am starting to see that there are some very toxic people in my life that I am having a hard time cutting out of my life. My sister is a good example of this, she is currently staying with us because she has NO where to go, she did have her own apartment but gave it up to move in with a man-boy who she had known for 3 months before moving in with him. That ended and so goes the rest. This has been an ongoing thing with her. She has BPD, bi-polar and she has been depressed her whole life. I have always been the fall back person, she has burned her bridges with the whole family, me included but unfortantly I have a heart and cannot stand the thought of her on the streets. Well maybe now I could. It has been 4 months, was only supposed to be 1 month. She's very lazy,and smokes my cigs, drinks all of my pop, has no income.

 

I am also starting to resent my husband. I love him very much, however, he just isn't parenting his children whom he has custody of. He thinks he is, but he isn't parenting, he's playing video games and only chiming in 1/4 of the time. Even before the video games started, he was working full time and going to school so I accepted the responsibility for them now, it's winter and the construction biz has slowed down so he is home more. Well to me, that would mean being a parent but apparently not to him, each day that passes I get more and more frustrated with him. If I try to talk to him, he gets real defensive and I am just at my wits end.

 

So how do I move past feeling like this, I am going to sit hubby down and have a nice long "I feel" talk tonight, but I am so angry I don't know if after the situation is corrected that everything will be back to normal. I hate being unhappy. I miss smiling and laughing. How do I become OK with me again?

 

I also realize that in the past I have been very co-Dependant, I have taken so much on, for so many other people. Kids, husband, my family and his family, that I am at a breaking point. If I take on one more thing, I will implode or have a breakdown, I realize that I have to quit. I have 2 of my own children, go to college full-time and while I only want to be helping him raise his 3 kids, I have been raising them to. Is there anyone that can relate? Any suggestions on good books? I really need help. I want me back, whoever she is..

 

Thanks to anyone who actually took the time to read all of this, I apologize that it is so all over the place, that is exactly how I feel everyday all day, all over the place. I cannot even think straight, I don't know how I am managing a 3.8 GPA

[savignon]

"Codependent No More" is a great book (recommended by my therapist) about breaking free from playing into what other people need/want. I'd do a little soul searching (which it sounds like you'd like to do) before jumping to extremes (like getting a divorce, kicking your sister, out)----not that you suggested those things but some people reach a breaking point and then just go to the other extreme.

 

Best wishes!

 

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[catfeeder]

I guess I'd put sister and husband in charge of the kids and take off to Starbucks to study.