Need a little help

[Alec]

Ok, well see my girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. I ended up finally having a decent calm conversation with her last night. See the problem was is that she thought I was smothering her while we were dating and that even though I was trying to help her in any way I could (she had had some problems at home, didn't have very many friends at this new school) that she really didn't feel like talking to me about her problems anymore and just felt she wanted out of the situation. She said i'm very controlling and that i'm very jealous (she has a new boyfriend now and I know i have made some mistakes in certain things i've said to her in the past over a few quarrels, but i mean I can't help but be slightly jealous).

 

What i'm really looking for is, me as a person when it comes to dating, like honestly I don't really know what to do exactly, I just try to be a friend and I know with this girl that she never once told me that talking about her problems was bothering her, she just kind of broke up with me and tried to get away so that she wouldn't hurt my feelings. I know in my mind had she told me, I would have stopped, and had she told me how she didn't feel like we were dating, I would have made the correction. I'm the kind of person when it comes to dating i'm very awkward because I don't know what to do. I've learned alot since then but now I feel very badly about all this, I have a low self-esteem, and I just feel so horrible that I smothered this girl and have made her feel this massive awkwardness towards me when this whole time all I wanted to be was a best friend. I know i'm slightly controlling but I don't think that i'm the kind of guy who wants to control everyones actions. Is there any way to just help myself in terms of future relationships. I don't want to be controlling, I don't want to be awkward, I just want to simply care about someone and have them care about me back and I don't want to ever make someone feel like i'm controlling them. Any advice on what I can do to figure out if I'm controlling, and possibly fix it. I don't want to be that way I want to let whoever I date be free to their will. I'm really tired of feeling bad about all this, no self esteem, I feel like i'm a horrible person, and I know i'm not, i'm far from it.

[evepm]

Dear Alec:

 

A lot of people who suffer from low self-esteem tend to be overbearing and controlling within their relationships. This comes from feelings of being unworthy of love. thereforeeee, people with low self-esteem will try to reassure themselves, constantly, that they are loved by controlling the other person.

 

Before you get into another relationship, you need to learn to love yourself and build up your self-esteem. You may want to do this with a professional so that you can get to the core problems that led you to have a low self-image.

 

The happiest, healthiest relationships are ones that are founded on friendship and mutual respect. Hope that I helped. Take Care.

 

Evepm

[Alec]

Well i mean, let me rephrase. It's not that I have low self-esteem, that part I mainly mean here lately because of all this I feel really bad. And i'm tired of feeling bad about it, and on top of that I really want to make sure that I'm not that kind of "controlling" person. So if i'm in a relationship, what are some ways to make sure you aren't "controlling" Mainly just keep communication good between yourself and your partner (she never told me she was bothered at any point, which was the problem with everything). So iono just wondering. Thanks for the advice btw, there have been times when i've been down like that and your right always best to get these problems straightened out before you ever go back into a relationship.