Just borken up... she needs SPACE!!!

[Sadboy75]

Hi There

 

I am 29 years old as is my ex-girlfriend. We were going out and things were quite serious for 13 months. We had such a beautiful relationship and had even discussed the years ahead... things were going along perfectly! We rarely argued and had so many similar interests that it was as though we were meant to be together forever!

 

Come February of this year she moved in. Everything seemed to be going fine.. it was bliss! However, her ex-boyfriend of 6 years did not like the fact she was happily in love and started to harass her week in week out! I took a disliking to this and reacted badly... she still confessed her undying love to me and assured me she never wanted to go back to him whatsoever! That chapter in her life was finished! However, I still feel as though it did impact her somewhat as our relationship started to waiver!

 

She began seeing a Therapist (not b/c of her ex) but for more personal issues. She has issue about her self... ie her need to find herslef, to be able to stand on her own two feet, to be happy with her! Anyway, she had doubts and was somewhat confused so I told her perhaps we should give her time to go away on her own and sort this out! She could not - she did not want to lose me and came back crying like you would not believe! This happened two more times until it was decided by both of us she should move out! This she did...

 

She moved close by so she could be near me... that is, we would see eachother twice a week and take things slowly. After all, she finds herself in a serious relationship yet has confusion and doubt about herself and what she wants. This did not work. All of a sudden we were going back to where it startde but I simply wanted more than a casual relationship... so we had conflicts over this and it was decided that we part! This we did...

 

She has all along said that it is not me and that she loves me very deeply, says that I am the most beatuiful guy, and that I make her feel so special. She says she needs SPACE.. initially she asked for a month but I suggested we break up and she has all the space she needs!

 

At the moment I feel blcked and powerless in this situation. She acknowledged I would feel this way by way of a letter she sent me. This is very very true.. she could not be far more from the truth.

 

Since the break I have harassed her a little and even had it out with her the other night for stuffing me around so much with her waivering emotions. I apologised the next day and now it is NO-CONTACT for some time. I will wait for her to call me...

 

Has anyone experienced a similar thing? If so, how did it turn out? It is very difficult to find the one that you love all of a sudden has life issues! We acknowledge we moved too fast.. we acknowledge we love eachtoher! Just hurting right now... I figure if she loves me then she may realise but the only way is to stay completely away from her.. would you agree?

[goodwood]

I read your post and it reminded me so much of my own recent situation that occurred just over a month ago. I was in a relationship with (what I thought) was the one. The girl I thought I was going to settle down with. I was head over heels in love and lust. So, everything was going along perfectly well when we decided to head off on holiday together to Italy for a short break.

 

That's when everything caved in. For some reason, she had a nervous breakdown and we hardly spoke the whole time we were there. It was awful. When we returned we agreed to see each other a few days later. Anyway she went to see her analyst the next day and was immediately admitted to the Priory (Mental healthcare) .

 

About 4 weeks later I get a letter from her (not knowing what the hell is going on) telling me that she couldn't see me anymore. She had nothing to give.

 

I didn't and probably never will understand how someone who is as seemingly in love with you as much as you are with them can just end it. She told me that she genuinely cared for me.

 

I would have thought that if she had these problems then I was there for her but it was not to be. I was distraught. Nothing could lift me out of the despair.

 

Anyway a month has since passed and after a lot of time thinking about it as well as receiving a bit if therapy it does get better and I've tried dating again albeit unsuccessfully. But give it some time and the mist will clear and you will be able to get on with your life without her. I've read a lot of posts and the same message keeps coming out...It just takes time but you'll get there.

[Sadboy75]

Thanks for the response! She hasnt exactly been admitted to a clinic at all... I truly believe she got cold feet and is simply taking a step back to assess what she has, what she wants, and what she needs! If that means me then great. If not, then so be it! I'll just have to move on! I suppose the age thing is also an issue! You get to your late 20's and think... 'Is this the one?'... so perphaps taking a step back, gaining some perspective may be what is required. In the mean time I must give her space and apply the NC rule.

 

If she is ever ready to come back then I may well be here. If not, missed chances. The word Fate comes to mind. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation! Get out there, give it a go and if she is ready at some point and is feeling as though she should be with you then she'll coming knocking on your door! Good luck

[OceanEyes]

Hiya Sadboy75,

 

After reading your post, I couldn't really make heads or tails of exactly what was going on. You mention that her ex was contacting her, and that through all of that, she still maintained her love for you. After all, it's not really her fault if the guy is still into her and wants to contact her.

 

In fact, through your whole post, it seemed to me that she was always reassuring you that she loved you. I know how hard it is to try loving someone who is going through an emotional crisis, especially if their feelings for you are confusing or change in some way.

 

You mentioned this:

 

Anyway, she had doubts and was somewhat confused so I told her perhaps we should give her time to go away on her own and sort this out!

 

What was she confused about? Was it you? Herself or what she wanted with her own life? I'm asking because I see you mentioning throughout your post that she held onto you pretty tightly, always wanting to be with you, coming back after a fight, reassuring you of her love and respect for you.

 

If she is confused about her life and what she wants, but not about you, then I would probably just try to stick by her and support her. A lot of people go through rough patches in their lives that cause them to be confused or frustrated about who they are and where they're going, but that doesn't mean that they are not 100% devoted and comitted to you.

 

Of course, if her moods and confusion are too much for you, then it's just that you take a step back. Obviously you have your own life and things that you have to worry about, but it seems like you genuinely care for her. If she keeps telling you that 'you're her guy' and you really love her, then try to understand her if and when she comes back. After she gets this confusion out of her system, she's going to respect you much more for not throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble.