I really hate my chief/senior resident ... it's making me hate my job

[mentee]

My blood is boiling right now I can't even think straight. I just need a space to vent..

](*,)

I'm a female surgical resident, and I really hate (with every fiber of my being) my chief resident. I don't like to hate anyone, and it's a terrible emotion that only hurts myself ... but regardless, I HATE HIM!

 

It's already tough to be in any residency..

tougher to be in surgical residency..

even tougher to be a female in surgical residency..

toughest to be a NICE female in surgical residency..

 

Unlike >75% in my program, I'm always professional, courteous, kind, efficient, and hard-working. I work my ass off, and unlike others, I don't take it out on anyone when I'm stressed.

 

This particular chief isn't liked by a lot of people. He is unfair, unreasonable, and takes advantage of his authority. Today I had a small insignificant incident that turned into a blowout. I came 5 minutes late to a weekly conference because I was discussing a critically ill patient in the ICU with an attending (a surgeon way way higher in the ranks than a mere chief resident) outside the conference room. I walk to the conference to see it was canceled but the chief was there just to let me know I was late. I immediately said I was having a discussion with Dr X. His immediate response was "don't talk to me like that" and then he went off. I stood there speechless because in no way did I even come off as rude. He's Indian and perhaps expects me to behave like a submissive female?? Not sure if he expected me to just say "oh I'm so so sorry it'll never happen again let me kiss your feet". I had a legitimate reason to be late - patient care trumps everything. He then says I have an attitude problem, that he's going to write me up, that he's giving me a poor evaluation. Knowing I wouldn't get anywhere if I tried to defend myself, I just said "fine". Then he continues to yell and says "go get out of my face". I walked away fuming and almost going directly to the program director, but I didn't because nothing would change.

 

I hate this man so much. He made me feel humiliated and talked to me like I was a child. He is only 3 years ahead of me in training and age, he has no right to treat me like that. I'm so angry I don't even know what to do.

 

This is the same guy who held me in the hospital until 1am to see patients in the ER when my shift was over at 8pm. Then when he got in trouble, he went to the attendings and said it was because I was inefficient, which is a blatant lie as every other senior resident thinks I do a great job and tells me I'm the most reliable resident in my year.

 

How do I get over hating this guy? I hate him so much I wish death on him, which also makes me feel horrible for feeling that way too.

 

The ODDEST thing is when he was a 4th year resident last year, he was a really nice guy. It's a COMPLETE change and he's making my life hell this year, right down to making me work on the holidays while letting OUTSIDE ROTATORS (not even part of our program!) have the holidays off while I work their shifts. $#$@^&%$#!!

[Batya33]

He has the power right now so if you think you can still do your job and play "submissive" I would do it for your long term best interests. What he is doing is unacceptable and unfair but on a practical level- if you report him for example -won't that hurt you more than him given politics? How about being a good actress and playing "cheerful and stupid" -stupid meaning that when he is rude just choose to let it roll off your back and respond to him as if he was at a tea party with you and utterly polite. Apologize if you are late for anything even if the protocol is as you said. Stroke his ego as much as possible.

[lavenderdove]

There is a wonderful principle called 'IDGAS' to be used with people like this who are throwing their power around... it's called 'i don't give a or IDGAS.

 

Remember, if he is power struggling with you, the more you struggle, the worse he will punish you. So you need to go limp in his jaws basically, and give him nothing to push against. When its no longer fun to wrestle with you because you're not playing, he will back off.

 

So make IDGAS your mantra... remind yourself that he will have a very limited short term influence over you, and all you have to do is survive thru it... so stop caring about the fact that he is who he is and his petty games... just don't play. Be polite, professional, agree with what he says and give him nothing to push against. Get a calendar and mark off every day until he's not longer chief resident and doesn't have influence over you. Fighting with him won't change his character and will only harm you. Someone important likes him politically or he wouldn't be chief resident, so don't shoot yourself in the foot just because he's being a jerk and you're angry about that... go IDGAS and don't let him get to you.

[mentee]

Thanks guys for the great advice! Do you think I should apologize to him for being appearing "rude" when we all know I wasn't?

[MissIndigo]

As for you apologizing, I don't know if you need to. I'd just carry on working and doing what you need to do to care for your patients. Lord knows I didn't apologize to my boss much unless I knew something happened that disrupted the workflow in the lab (like an instrument broke, but even then, it wasn't my fault!).

 

I'd still write down any incident that you experience that you think is unreasonable. Does your hospital have an ombudsman program as well that you could take complaints to if things get too out of hand?

 

I've seen the same junk treatment of people in academic science as well, regardless of their heritage. (I am leaving in two days--I can't wait.) Even so, working around and with different cultural expectations or customs does prove a challenge, especially in high-stress and hazardous environments. It became too much for me.

[thejigsup]

I had a boss who started off this way. I HATED him, but I needed the job so I put up with it and always strove to improve. At about the three month mark, he took me aside and told me I was one of the few females he had ever met who could put up with the "real" working world (this was in a very male-dominated profession, about 95% men) and he admired me. I told him many females can take it and I was merely one of many. He ended up giving my MAJOR promotions and he started hiring many more females because "they work their behinds off and don't complain". He became one of my best friends and advocates. Sometimes men in authority make it hard on females to see if they can "take it". If you don't give up, the rewards can be tremendous.

[lerira]

Well, I do have an acquaintance in internal medicine. During residency, he has a-holes of the sort. He said the best method is to act neutral, don't fight with him otherwise it will get worse. Some people are sadistic and irregardless of how hard you try, they still hurt.

Maybe he likes you. Maybe, because he is Indian, he liked a woman of your heritage (I'm assuming you are a white female) and that particular woman refused you so he's making your work days a living hell.