Moving forward during the day, moving backwards during the night.

[Deanna10]

Ever since my ex boyfriend Zach and I broke up I have felt torn. I first saw him on the bus when I was in 6th grade. God was he cute and I remember doing all in my power to get him to notice me on the bus. I would spend most of my day in school looking forward to the bus ride home. Well after that year he went to High School and had not seem him since, until I was a Freshman in High School and he was a Junior. I saw him again playing Varsity Football at one of the games while I was in the stands with the Marching Band. From then on I would watch him play football, and once in a while I would see him walking around in the lunchroom with his girlfriend Kait. She was a mean * * * * * y girl who thought the world revolved around her and Zach was her little puppy dog.

Well life went on as usually and I stopped seeing him and did not think anything of it until the summer of my Junior year, I saw him on myspace. I decide to add him, thinking he would just ignore me, but he didn't. So I sent him a message and we started talking. He came over the day before I had to go to band camp, where he asked me to be his girlfriend.

We started going on but things changed very quickly. He had had sex with 3 other girls before me, while I had never had the choice to say yes to someone to sex before. He was my first in my eyes. Soon after we started fighting all the time and I became jealous over everything. My depression came back and he did very little to help. The next summer of us dating I moved into his little apartment under his parnets home with him. At first everything seemed to get better, but the honeymoon phase ended again. He was a drop out of school, who had everything to get his diploma but would not. Instead he decided he wanted to be a MMA fighter. Be the girlfriend I was, gave up cheerleading, dance and marching band to save money for his dream. I even started doing his school work for him. I would go to all his fight practices and all his fights even though he lost everyone of them. We were even engaged at one point but I broke it off when he became aggressive pushing holes in the walls, yelling at me, breaking things, hitting me, once in a while punching me in the face and even at one point forceing me to have sex with him when I did not want to.I delt with all of this until January. Having my last grandfather die in December, my sister living with my crazy mom and stepdad, and dealing withother things I snapped. Zach had a fight that month and he became more mean as the days passed. Until his fight came and I told myself if he apologized I would not cheat on him that night. He never apologized and I felt all alone. So I went to a guys house, whom was much older then I and I did not even know and had sex with him. The next day I told Zach. He broke up with me and let me stay there until April 1st.

April 1st I moved out and his new girlfriend moved in that day. Ever since then Zach has not talked to me. In May of that same year I married a guy who I had been friends with since I was a Sophmore. Josh my new husband is in the Marine Corp and he is stationed in California. After we got married I came to move out here with him and when he gets out this summer we will be moving back to his home state which is still far away from Zach.

Now the question I have is why am I stilling having dreams about getting back with him? In the beginning of my marriage I thought about Zach and even called him to hear his voice. But now it has almost been a year after out break up. I am very happy with Josh and am doing better then I ever have. But still I keep having deams about getting back with him, sneaking to see him when his girlfriend was not around, even begging for him to take me back. Does this still mean I am still in love with him? How do I get this dreams to go away? I don't know how I could still love someone who was so bad for me?

[gabriella777]

You seem to have an obsession with Zach.

But you must know that he is not right for you.

 

You said that he punched you and gets aggressive very easily.

You don't want an abusive boyfriend.

 

May I ask how old you are? You sound quite young to be married... how sure were you about this marriage when you got married?

 

The advice I would give you is to cut all contact with Zach. Delete any numbers, addresses, or email you have of him.

Stop talking to him completely, focus on your husband if you love him and you will forget about Zach.

[Deanna10]

I am 19 years old. At first I was not so sure of my marriage to Josh. I think I mostly did it, to move away from Zach and to force myself to move on. But now I do love my husband and would do anything for him. However I still have Zach in the back of my mind. It's hard for me to get rid of his number, address and email because it is memorized. Also everytime I go home to see my family him and I run into eachother because he lives right around the corner from my parnets house. I think I may have an obsession for Zach but I know it is an unwanted one. I don't like thinking of him everyday or looking at old pictures of us. Could it be that I am not really obsessed with Zach but I have this guilty feeling inside me that I could have helped him. It was my fault that he did all this horriable things. I could have done something different to make us work.

[gabriella777]

Maybe you're right, it could be the guilt. That you need to get rid of...

It's not your fault he did all those things and it never, ever was. It's not your fault he punched you, was abusive, aggressive and he even raped you!

Not your fault, his.

 

You have old pictures of you and Zach? Why do you still have them if you want to move on and forget him?

If his numbers and email addresses are written anywhere or saved anywhere, delete them. If you stop contacting him and focus on other things, you might forget them as well.

 

You're still very young- why don't you concentrate on having fun with friends, or do you go to college or something? have a job?

Anything that can get Zach off your mind!

If you really really want to forget him, you will...