Can't go on feeling like this

[ReasonToBelieve]

God, I can't go on feeling like this. I love this girl but I know deep down she'll probably never love me too. In fact, she loves some one else right now.

 

I was talking to her through IM when her boyfriend logged on. I'm sorry, but it just hurts too bad for me to talk with her when I know that, while my attention is hanging on every word she says, her's is hanging on someone elses'. So I told her goodnite and headed to my cold lonely bed.

 

I'm not jealous. I passed that long ago. I can atleast take satisfaction in knowing that if only one person can make her happy that it's being fufilled. That's not the problem...

 

The problem is that the emotional toll that loving this girl is taking on me is becoming too much to bear. I got in bed and I broke down. I just prayed that I would fall asleep quickly and never wake up. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It hurts too bad and the pain never goes away.

 

I've tried everything. I've tried no contact with her (which was unsuccessfully broken down by her when she, despite my explinations, didn't understand why I didn't want to talk anymore). I've tried going out with other girls but none of them even spark the least intrest in me compared to her.

 

I would say my heart is broken but it was broken so long ago this pain is much worse. Having gone so long without being able to fix the broken heart magnifies the pain by a thousand.

[Duderanomi]

Exactly how long have you been like this? I know the pain you're going through, I'm going through something pretty similar right now. The important part is to keep occupied and just try to get her out of your head. Feelings fade with time, I know it's hard to do but you can't put your life on hold for someone who might never even return your feelings. Sure, right now no girls interest you, but with time it'll change.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Reasontobelieve

 

I have to say your post really hit me, the way you describe what your experiencing brought back memories of dispair in me, I know exactly how you feel, i was never able to express them like you did, its almost poetic.

 

The situation your in is most difficult because unlike breakups, where someone leaves someone else and causes them pain, its easier to be angry. but in your case you love someone that never did you any wrong, how can you do NC without hurting her, its difficult situation.

 

You need to tell her the truth though, tell her you love her, and will always have her in your heart, but that you cannot take the pain of being so close to the woman of your dreams and not being able share your loves.

 

You do need to let her go, as impossible as it seems and long a path it will be, but you must, right now no woman can compare to the lady of your dreams, eventually you will leave those dreams behind, time heals all wounds, let her free, all is not lost, when one door shuts another eventually opens. She will understand your love someday. she will know what you felt.

 

Good luck

[Kittengirl]

Sorry if I missed something but does she know how you feel? I don't agree with pursuing someone who is attached as it's not a good basis for a relationship but if she is unaware how you feel of course she will be upset that you instigate NC. I have many male friends but am firmly attached to one guy so there is no doubt in anyone's mind that I am off the market as it were but I would want to know if any of these male friends felt more than a friendship for me. If she doesn't know how you feel she may be unconsciously telling you things that she shouldn't for instance what she and her bf have been doing, where they have been etc which will just hurt you. If she knew she could then either tell you she only wants to be friends which would be hard for you to hear but at least you would be in a position to move on, remaining friends or she may surprise you…you will never know unless you are honest.

[Miranona]

i know how pain is like, i have been hurt really bad that sometimes i think i'll never get over it. and this may seem harsh, but i think it'll knock some sense.

 

i think its really sad you chose to put the center on this girl, and that is has gone for so long and yet you cant seem to get over it or even have a spark of light at the end of the tunnel. its not because nothing doesnt seem to compare to how she makes you feel or that there seems to be no sparks with anyone else but because you live in your own world. your world is like a tv show, its about an index finger long with like 3 characters: you, her and maybe her boyfriend. I think you need to step outside yourself, outside her and see whats really out there.

 

You say you sit and cry on your bed...im sure there are a million people who are probably cyring too and they cry because they dont have food, they dont have money, they probably are crying out in the streets because they dont have a bed to cry on.....and you are crying because of what...you cant get over someone or cant satisfy her the way you want to?? Your desire to give satisfaction should not be on some girl who you never really dated, there are more people out there who really need it. Ever try to help someone.. community service...giving a piece of bread to a homeless person? They may not be able to give you anything back, but they sure would be grateful and you may even touch their lives or better yet, they may even help you heal solely on being appreciative of getting a slight bit of satisfaction.

 

You say this girl doesnt know how you feel and you say that

"she'll probably never love me too"....so why waste time on something in which you know the outcome too? If all your thoughts are based on someone making her happy, you need a head check. If took you "this long" and still not over it....you are waiting for a miracle..wait forever and you'll see youve wasted a chunk of your time where you could be doing something else.

 

People say Follow your heart, and i agree with that...and your heart is NOT screaming out her name, your heart is telling you to stop hurting, stop the emotional madness, sure pain is inevitable but hearts do not live for pain, its lives for love...and when it hurts, its def not love.

Take heart and live life.