Is my bf fully in it?

[mia616]

hey all me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years. We took a break over the summer because we had some issues to work out. Recently I had asked him where he saw us in the future. He said sometimes he's himself with me and sometimes not. Basically if I get upset with him that is when he doesn't see us together. May I overreact sometimes, yes, but I don't think its anything out of the ordinary.

 

Today he brought up something about children and I mentioned how I would like to be able to stay at home with my children for a little while- if i had children. He then brought up "well who is going to be paying your loans when you are not working?" I have student loans yes, but I work full time now and pay for everything myself. I don't know why even thinks like this. He has his own condo, 2 cars, etc, and he works full time and his parents help him out a ton. i on the other hand had to take out loans because I am one of 5 kids and no, my parents didn't save to pay for my whole education. Anyway, I have never asked him to pay anything like that for me. I am paying back my loans on my own. Anyway the point is that he doesnt think I should be able to stay at home at all. Are we completely incompatible if he won't even help me out and let me stay home? I am not talking about being permanent stay at home mom, only maybe for a few years or so, what we could afford. We are not even thinking about having children yet, but i am thinking down the line we won't be compatible!

[Maroney555]

I think that he maybe thought you were talking about having kids soon...

 

Since you're not married yet, I can see why he might be concerned. If you were to have kids now, he couldn't really afford to let you stay at home, ya know?

 

I wouldn't say that he isn't fully into it just because of this speed bump.

 

I think you need to focus on your overreacting to arguments. THAT is what will drive you two apart in the long run. Overreacting isn't normal, IMO. Coming to agreements in a calm manner is normal.

[mia616]

Thanks. Yeah I told him well if we were to have kids it wouldn't be for a while. He did agree. But even still, he said I probably wouldn't be able to stay home- which I thought was weird since we are not even talking about having kids.

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, did you make it clear to him that you wanted to stay at home when you two were financially secure (which is way in the future)? I think it might be a bit of miscommunication, so I would clarify things with him before reacting to anything.

[mia616]

yeah i asked him if it was a miscommunication and he said no, i made my point. He was like I don't want you to think if we get together I would be providing for you and paying for everything, etc. Which is not what I thought at all. I don't know.

[geekgirl4]

Errrr, sounds like differences then. When needed, partners should be supporting each other in certain times- i.e. grad school, lack of job, children. Perhaps he's worried about finances, though if his parents are taking care of him at his current age, perhaps he's worried because he knows he is unable to sustain himself alone. I wouldn't cause a big ruckus over this, but it is definitely something to consider as marriage becomes more of a reality. If this is a subject that is important to you, someone has to compromise. One compromise is that you take a part time job when the children come along.