Is he confused or something??

[alyira]

God bless the Internet. I love these forums.

 

Now...my boyfriend of 3 years broke it off with me unexpectedly last Saturday. He was supposed to come over, but instead called and broke it off, giving very vague reasons, saying it was "all a charade, didn't love me the way I needed to be loved, blah blah". If you saw us together, you'd know that was a big fat excuse, so just trust me on this one.

 

So at first of course, I freaked out because aside from a few minor arguments, I thought everything was going great. I did the begging and pleading bit for a day, and he refused to talk to me on the phone. So I took a step back, took a deep breath, and stopped trying to contact him for the rest of the weekend. I emailed him a short note saying I apologized for my reaction, that I was just shocked, and ultimately I respected his decision. Then I left it at that.

 

Monday he started talking to me again on MSN. We talked about normal stuff, every day stuff, and I totally avoided talking about the break up. He brought it up a few times, but all I said was that I would be fine, that it was just a shock, and that if thats what he wanted then I respected that.

 

I work a night shift that goes from 5PM-3:30AM. When we were together, he would stay up some nights so we could talk on MSN when I got home for a bit. When I got home Monday, there he was online! He immediately asked me how work and stuff was, and I replied it was good. I was a lil curious about why the heck he would be up so late, so I asked. He said he was downloading wedding music for his sister's wedding. We talked awhile, all just normal stuff, and I said I needed to go to sleep, so he got offline after that and I went to bed.

 

We've talked every day this week for anywhere from 40 mins to 2 1/2 hours. He'd say he was very busy cleaning and stuff and could only talk a minute, and then he'd end up talking to me until I had to leave for work, and say he'd talk to me again in the morning. Sometimes he gets really quiet for a few mins, and once I asked what was up. He said he was typing up a speech for the wedding...then a minute later apologized and said that was a lie, he just wasn't sure what to say. Then we'd start talking normal again.

 

This Saturday, yesterday, I was very busy, so I didn't go on the computer all day till 11 at night. Immediately he messaged me and asked where I'd been all day(he's not a control freak or anything, it was said in more of a curious worried way). I explained I was busy in the city, etc. He said he had been really stressed out about the wedding before it started(it took place yesterday) and had NEEDED to talk to me alot. I was like, ok...

 

Then today I logged on late as well. I've been making it a point not to log on MSN obsessively to see if he's there or anything, so I went outside and tanned, had a few drinks, rollerbladed, read a book, etc and didn't go on till 9PM. He immediately asked "Hey, where've you been all day??" and I said I was just doing this and that and having fun. We're still talking right now.

 

Now tomorrow he is dropping my stuff off, and after that I planned on NC'ing him for awhile, just to clear my head and take a breather. I'm not sure if this is IT for us, but like most people I don't really want it to be, and I hope NC'ing will give him time to clear his head and think too.

 

My question is...what the hell? He dumped me, so why is he the one who's obviously waiting around for me online? Isn't that normally the dumpee's job? (jk) Is he confused or something? Does he figure he needs to establish a friendship now instead of later? And should I still NC him even though he obviously misses me?

 

Thanks for any advice,

Love Britt

[sparkler624]

Hey there. It sounds like to me that he still really cares about you. But I think you are doing a great job of not sitting at home waiting for him, he's the one doing that. Once he drops off your stuff, just continue to do what you've been doing. Don't be the one to start any conversations, if he calls you or IM's you and if you feel up to it talk to him, otherwise just ignore him. Usually it takes awhile for the dumper to break the NC, but not him. For your sake I would just give it a couple of days before you do anything dramatic (like getting back together) and let him figure out what he wants. Hang in there, you're doing great!