why do people want to erase history when a friendship/relationship ends??

[phasegirl]

The title says it all:

 

Why do some people try to either erase or change history when a relationship fails? For instance, they erase all the comments you wrote on their facebook, or they'd say something like, "Oh we were only friends" - when there was a full-fledged romantic relationship.

 

Another example is that I once wrote a comment on a girlfriend's webpage, wishing her a happy birthday - I said, "Happy XXth birthday". She then revealed her age on the page, as if to say, "there are no secrets between us". She later unfriended me (there had been tension between us)

[Ituhata]

I'm tempted to do the same to a few people I once called friends that I feel have seriously wronged me. My reason? I wish to have never known them, and I hope never to see or speak to them again. Its that simple.

[easyguy]

It's not that history is erased, it's that the visual reminders do not help some people move on and heal. When my ex-girlfriend and I broke up, I never said to others "Oh we were only friends". I was certainly not apathetic, but quite expressive of the intense joy of that relationship and the tears that flowed in longing of all of it. I defriended her on Facebook after some time, because I had no interest in knowing what she was up to. I removed all of the photos of us together (online and offline), because those memories are best left in my mind. I was also trying to go NC with her, and so removing as many easy ways of communicating with her allowed the healing to progress.

 

One thing I often say now that I didn't say then, if asked, is my relationship to the experience. Back then, I said "my ex-girlfriend" (well, I say it here). Now I say "this girl I dated". Which is true. She was my girlfriend and we did date, but it is very much in the past.

[phasegirl]

I'm tempted to do the same to a few people I once called friends that I feel have seriously wronged me. My reason? I wish to have never known them, and I hope never to see or speak to them again. Its that simple.

 

I think if you were seriously wronged, you should do that. But in my case, I'm talking about simple things like a relationship ending - in my cases - my ex left for another girl and he tried to erase history by telling everyone lies about me, like that we werent' happy in the relationship, etc, when as far as I was concerned, I was very happy - he never told me he was unhappy.

 

My other case was with a friend whom I had an argument with - stupidity really - I basically defended someone else who she was talking badly about. But that was it. She resented my defending her, and is now shunning me. She says I argue too much. Meanwhile, she continues to be friends with the girl she was trying to bash.

[Ituhata]

mm well that I don't know so much, my last relationship was....far too long ago, lol. I think easyguy got it right though, I could see myself wanting to put a relationship ending behind me in that manner, no hard feelings but I imagine breaking up is painful and you do what you can to move on.

 

Ed: as far as your friend it sounds like she's being vindictive or that other girl said some nasty things that she bought into. Dunno.

2ndEd: Oh, reading comprehension ftl. So your bf left you for another and then erased your history? eh.... you don't want to know what I have to say about that!

[phasegirl]

So your bf left you for another and then erased your history? eh.... you don't want to know what I have to say about that!

 

Oh please, he makes me sick. In a way, I'm glad he's her problem now. Our relationship ended about 3 years ago, but at times like now, when I'm alone at home, I think about his stupidity after he left me. *rolls eyes**

[Ituhata]

And stupidity is about the sum of it. Sounds to me he's another one of those that uses people like stepping stones to get to the next bigger and better thing, and when he sees it, he'll do the same to her and try to erase all traces of her like he did you to please the next one in line. One can only hope the next one's better at the game than he and he gets burned.

[Longview01]

I think if you were seriously wronged, you should do that. But in my case, I'm talking about simple things like a relationship ending - in my cases - my ex left for another girl and he tried to erase history by telling everyone lies about me, like that we werent' happy in the relationship, etc, when as far as I was concerned, I was very happy - he never told me he was unhappy.

 

My other case was with a friend whom I had an argument with - stupidity really - I basically defended someone else who she was talking badly about. But that was it. She resented my defending her, and is now shunning me. She says I argue too much. Meanwhile, she continues to be friends with the girl she was trying to bash.

 

Thats nothing, my ex was crazy and went around our local telling everyone I used to beat her up...when the truth was I never touched her and she smacked me in the face outside a nightclub one night.

 

She eventually stopped when I got attacked by 3 guys outside our local who were taking revenge for all the horrible things I done to her.

 

I never wanted to see or hear from her again and stopped visiting that pub that I was at 5 years before she even turned up, wasnt worth the hassle

[Lonewing]

I'm tempted to do the same to a few people I once called friends that I feel have seriously wronged me. My reason? I wish to have never known them, and I hope never to see or speak to them again. Its that simple.

 

You simply could not have said it better.