inputs for dumpers or others about No contact

[tristesse]

Please I need to get inputs for dumpers or others about No contact.

 

I haven't contacted my ex, I think he wants me to, but I also know that last time we talked he told me we can't talk because we can't help each other to move on… the end was horrible, let's put it this way. It's been 2 months almost that we had no contact. I do not wish to be the one contacting him. But will he ever contact me again?

 

We went out for 4 years, and we were separated in the worst way possible…… U can read it on my other posts. But basically to make a long story short… The main reason was his family leaving in Los angels and us (me and him) in Toronto and mostly because he was Jewish and I wasn't…his family asked him to chose while he was visiting them for 2 weeks, he called me a night before he was due back, to tell me that he wasn't coming back!

 

Please now I need to know if the dumpers does ever contact the dumpee?

Thank you

[JT]

I had a bad brekaup with my ex. I did the dumping initially. She told me never to contact her again. Out of pride, I dont think she'd contact me, nor I'd contact her.

 

I'm so bitter because I lost my original friends when we broke up. So no, I lost a lot and don't wanna go back there. I woud'nt contact her for the rest of my life.

[Finch]

I think that the dumpers will contact the other person whenever they are ready to. There isn't a set rule that the dumper has to be the one contacting the other person.

 

I contacted my ex, who I dumped 4 months ago, about a week ago. I really shouldn't have, as it sparked a lot of emotions in my life, but it is much better now.

[smiles314]

I just wanted to say that I was dumped, and i stopped talking to my ex for about 9 weeks. And he contacted me, although I did not respond he still did it. Just to let y ou know, the dumper does do it though I'm not really sure why.

[tristesse]

But would u say he will call me? Since I was dumped, we could decide either we should keep contact or not and when I said "ok let's keep contact" he got mad and said" no no we can't , we can't help each other to get over ecah other..no no contact" why? why? Igot so mad,......\

will he ever contact me?

[skynet74]

I think the longer the relationship lasted, the better chance of the Dumper eventually contacting you. My Ex broke up with me after 10 years. I was be pretty foolish to actually think she can walk away from this without a scratch. She's playing stubborn now and isn't calling. But eventually she will.

 

You see... I've been doing all the chasing since the break up. She is getting a "Rush" out of it. Well the Rush ended last week. I made a pack with myself that unless it's a life or death situation I will not Call her anymore. There comes a time when you have to turn the tables and knock the Ex off their high horse. Well that time has arrived for me. This is Day 7 of no contact. I tried no contact before and I gave in with disastrous results. That proved to me what works and what doesn't. If I called her right now I know what would happen. She would be Cold and heartless like she's been since the breakup. I would also continue to look needy as I chase her. That's two excellent reasons right there NOT to call.

 

When she gets her head screwed back on straight she will call me. It will happen. It's only a matter of time.

 

 

 

John

[tristesse]

So you truly believe that the dumper ends up calling the dumped one? If there's no chasing attempt from the dumped one?

 

I have not tried to beg him or anything, in fact I have shown him how I think his act was coward like and know that he is afraid of calling me since he thinks I 'll go psycho on him, but also he knows that I have all the rights in the world to be so mad at him!

[skynet74]

So you truly believe that the dumper ends up calling the dumped one? If there's no chasing attempt from the dumped one?

------------------------------

 

 

Yes that is what I believe. Here is an analogy I gave someone yesterday.

Pretend you are playing with your Dog. You run after him and he runs away. This is because he wants to be chased. He expects you to keep running after him. This is fun for him. Well it's also fun for our Ex's too. Makes them feel in control. Now what happens when you stop running after your dog? He'll stop and wonder why you stopped chasing! Then eventually he'll just come back to you. SAME WITH RELATIONSHIPS. Once you stop chasing, the Ex will start wondering why you stopped chasing them. Then they will sit, stare and think for a while. (Could be a few weeks). Then sooner or later they will call you!

 

Just give it time and do not continue the chase. As long as you keep chasing them, the longer this game will go on and the longer it will take to end.

 

 

 

John

[RayKay]

Ooh nice analogy skynet!

 

I like that one.

 

Well, I am on Day 5 of forced contact due to travelling reasons (for him) and it is torturous. I am pretty certain he will either contact me tomorrow or Wednesday to tell me how it went, and also as we are organizng a race on Wednesday. I only hope it was half as hard for him as was for me (he would of been really busy though, and I am pretty sure sometimes he is able to not think about things if he is really busy anyway!).

 

And today also means only 6 more days until our trip together. Getting really nervous now.

[BrotherD]

I find it amusing that we're still talking about NC as a way of getting your ex back.

 

As someone who is at around 90 days NC, I can say that my world only started to come together after almost 3 months of no contact.

 

I stopped pining

I stopped thinking "magical" thoughts i.e. "they loved me once, are they thinking of me?" etc etc.

I stopped THINKING WE'RE GONNA GET BACK TOGETHER!

IT WASN"T WORKING OUT!!!!

 

So

 

To all who are estranged from their ex's my advice is as follows

 

1.) Get away from the crazy world that was your relationship. YOU CANNOT ACCESS WHAT HAPPEDED WHILE IN THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE! You must dissappear!!! The longer the better. For me, I got clear around the 3 month mark. Could be longer or shorter.

 

2.) Get busy with hobbies and dating. I KNOW IT'S HARD. When I was in the thick of it, the thought of moving on seemed unfathomable. BUT YOU MUST.

 

3.) Really review how you we're treated. Would a nice, sane person have treated you the way you were treated? Would a friend have said things to you that hurt so bad? NO! Believe me, after I came out of the fog, boy was I pissed! No contact now and avoid any other embarrassing behaviour..

 

Only after you have accessed the situation from a distant standpoint and established boundries of how you're gonna let someone treat you, can you even BEGIN to entertain the idea of restarting communication.

 

I'm clear that to meet with your ex again, YOU MUST BE COMPLETELY OVER IT! That's the only to hit the "reset" button and experience your ex from a fresh perspective. One that has EQUALITY at the forefront of the relationship.

 

Then, reconcilation is possible. It might take 3 years, 2 months, 33 weeks,whatever, until the above happens, it's more of the same AND THAT DIDN'T WORK...

 

So, again, when I see "I've been in NC for 4 days, should I call?"

NO! That's the old unclear freaky UNATTRACTIVE you talking...

 

Dissappear for as long as it takes. I'm sorry to be so intense but I'm feeling liberated the last few days...

 

XOXOX

 

Bro

d

[MrMikeWikowski]

BrotherD,

 

Well said Bro!

 

I think you are entirely correct. I am approaching 4 months of NC, and the ex has not phoned me. On one hand I am disappointed. On the other I am glad, because I know that I am not ready to deal with her again.

 

I don't know when she will contact me again, but I imagine that it will be about when I have truly moved on.

 

I wish I could say that I was liberated, but that hasn't fully happened yet. I suppose that it partially has as it has not been that difficult not contacting her. I really haven't desired to email or phone her.

 

What do you fine people out there think about 4 months of NC? Do you think she will contact me sometime soon (I really have no idea), and do you think I might finally be getting to a place where I am "liberated"?

 

Cheers

 

Mike

[JT]

Did you dump her or did she dump you???

 

I dumped my ex and it's been about 3 months. I dont think she'd contact me caus she hates me (bad breakup).

 

I dont think even though I dumped her she'd try to contact me do you? It be flattering if she did but I guess she's standing her ground too. I think were both too proud to go back to one another.

 

You might be finding a place where your "liberated", but keep in mind you will always have setbacks.. this stuff is never easy and forever you are changed by this experience. Use it to your advantage and dont let the pain get the best of you.

[tristesse]

I wish I could tell you yes, I am at the same stage kind of, it's been 2 months and a few weeks of non contact…well basically since the beginning of the break up we didn't talk. I'm left w no closure…And wonder if he would ever call… but I guess we wouldn't know! Maybe we will one day!

[tristesse]

you must contact her since u dumped her..of course she won't call.

so my ex may feel jus like you then!!!!!

badbreak u w us too... he justtook off......

will he call u think? it's been 2months!