We do everything.... except "IT"!!!!!

[June4life]

My boyfriend and I are both virgins. We have an excellent relationship thats lasted 8 months so far, and still going strong. I am extremely comfortable with him in all aspects of our relationship. No joke, its seriously like we're married. He does so much for me that makes me fee so loved, and I love that feeling.

 

When I'm in the shower, he puts towels in the dryer to make them warm for me, and when I open the shower curtain, there he is with my towels and wraps me up all cozy in them.

 

We make dinner for each other all the time, and do each others laundry.

 

I babysit a 5 month old baby everyday, and its more like this child is our baby. My bf acts just like a caring father, and always helps me change the baby, feed her, and play with her. ((Dont worry. We dont plan on having kids anytime soon. Its nice though to watch a baby all day long, and then give her back to her mommy at night. Trust me, we don't want kids now, and not until we are married))

 

I am 17 and he is 20. (17 is legal age in New York)

 

I live at home with my parents and my siblings, and my bf lives at home with his mom and brother. During the summer, he'll spend 3 nights in a row at my house, and I'll spend 3 nights at his house. Its like a cycle. We are constantly with each other, and love every minute of each other's company.

 

We have both seen each other naked, however neither of us has had sex before. It probably seems like we have, but we haven't. We're both virgins. We have done basically everything else with each other (sexually related) except have intercourse. Believe it or not, we even showered together. We laughed, had fun, but we didn't have sex... It was just a shower. lol

 

What I want to know is, if you feel so comfortable with someone and you love them so much and want to spend the rest of your life with them, would you have sex? I know we both want to have sex with each other, but don't really know if we should. I've been thinking about this for a while. I've been on birth control pills for a couple of months now. We've taken all the necessary precautions, however we just haven't done it yet. How do you know when its right? Everything seems so perfect and I want to take our relationship to the next level, but I dont want to ruin the relationship we have now.

 

Any ideas? Sorry the post is soo long!

[bored]

sex dosent ruin relationships it makes it better... hes 20 if he can hold out 8 month wid no sex im pretty sure u found a good guy

[Sebulous]

I know what your talking about in a way. Im 20 and a virgin. Strange as it is, I am looking for someone that I really love and care about to share my 1st with. I've had many chances to sleep with women, and prolly many more if I had set my mind to it. But I choose not to, and then something would happen outside our control to kill the relationship. Mostly moving, but jail, cheating, and parents not liking the other.

 

Me and my GF just broke up recently. She was the 1st I wanted to sleep with. And yet at the same time, I didn't. I cared about her so much and we had the best relationship, I didn't want to ruin it. I feared that sex was the russian roulette to our relationship. If it didn't harm us, we lived and bettered ourselves. If it caused problems, I would have killed the best thing ever to happen with me.

 

If the two of you feel yall are ready, then talk about. Heres an idea. Pretty much agree to the fact that it will not change anything between yall. Im sure yall have had arguments and trails and have worked them out. This might be one nearest to the final commetmint and trail of them all, marriage.

 

Best of luck in doing what yall feel is best.

[sirhcorg]

I have the same fear. I thought that sex would ruin my relationship with my girlfriend and I still think it might though she has told me that she wants to try it out. I'm still wondering what I should do.

[sprkal]

Hi June

So many of your posts mirror my own thoughts/situation recently!

Typically I would say 'if you have to ask if you should then you probably shouldnt', but after reading a few of your posts over the past few months, I konw that you're thinking about this in a mature way. My first question would be, what exactly is stopping you and your boyfriend from having sex? There has got to be something behind the feeling of not knowing whether you 'should' or not. It would seem to be the next logical step in your relationship - as it seems in mine.

 

However, if you are concerned that sex will ruin your relationship...maybe your instincts are telling you something. I for one have never considered that losing my virginity to my boyfriend would damage our relationship, I believe it would only make it stronger. It sounds as though you and your man have a great relationship... but yeah, I'd really like to know where the underlying worry about sex is coming from... is it just that you think it may damage your relationship? is it a religious issue? Is it parental dissaproval? Is it just that you feel unsure (if this is so then yeah you should wait until you are SURE).

[June4life]

I'm sure that I'm or shall I saw WE are ready. I think its more the parental issue. We both come from tight-knit families. Neither of our families are too religious, lol, my mom always says, "I don't think you should or shouldn't have sex. But if you have an uncontrollable fit of passion, then your birth control will protect you." lol...

 

I guess its more or less when we have time to do it. He lives at home, as do I . I have 3 siblings, he has a brother. There is always someone home at each of our houses and we already talked about it, and we would like to be home, not in some cheesy hotel or anything.

 

THats all thats basically stopping us.

[Rahll]

This is definitaly the right guy.

 

Im a guy and know that most 20 year old guys would break up with their girlfriend if they haddent had sex yet after seven months.

 

You said you've done everything else.........does this include oral?

 

If yes, then I think it's definitaly time, sounds like you just need to talk to each other. Talking does steal a bit of the romence out of it, but it more than makes up for it in confidence and trust.

 

If you have't had oral yet, then I'd go there first, if your comfertable with it, next time your in the shower, after words just slowly go down on him. I can almost guarintee he wont stop you and will likely return the favor.

[sprkal]

I can see your issue then. Maybe as I mentioned before, your instincts are telling you to wait a little longer. If the situation isnt right, then whats the harm in waiting until someone's family is away for the weekend?

 

Your first time should be right, special and just for the two of you. You certainly dont want to be clouded by worries of whether you are ready, and you definitely do NOT want to be caught in the act by any of your family members....

 

I can see that you've found a person who you feel is the one youwant to give your virginity to - but you have to be sure, and I think that you should wait until you are. And until you can have some time to yourselves.

[Serendipity1607307077]

I have been with my boyfriend for six months now, and I think we started "trying" to have sex after about a month (trying means that it took a bit longer than one try to unvirginify me..... ) I have never done anything like that before, but he just makes me feel loved, special.. I have an immense and overwhelming sense of love towards him..

 

I think that sex has strengthened our relationship..

[parisian_pink]

It sounds like you have a fantastic relationship, and I am sure you will definitely have sex one day with him, maybe after you're married, or maybe sooner than that. The question here isn't whether or not you and he are good for each other, but just whether or not sex is right for you right now. With my boyfriend, we were just like the two of you, and I thought that nothing would ever come between us. Trust me; we always said it was just like we were already married. e dated for over a year before we had our first argument! But no matter how well you know someone, things will still be different when you two move out of your parents' homes. It wouldn't seem like things would change, but issues like finances and living together will really bring up more conflicts than you knew you two could have!

 

Not that I am saying you will break up. My boyfriend and I are still going strong, after we have been living together for a year, but adjusting to domestic bliss wasn't as easy as I had thought! What about college? Is he in school? Is he planning on going to school? Will you mind if he doesn't? What about you? You are probably going off to study somewhere; have you made provisions for keeping your relationship strong if you live in different cities? Are you willing to make big sacrifices for each other? Right now, your relationship is more than perfect, but sit down together and talk realistically about upcoming months and years.

 

Finally, decide what sex means to you. Obviously, it means SOMETHING, or you wouldn't have put this much waiting and consideration into it, so really evaluate what your expectations are, what your future will have to be like, and how you want your sexual experiences to be, and then don't settle for anything less. People online can give you lots of advice, but follow your heart and listen to your conscience when making such a big decision. Virginity cannot be reinstalled; once you lose it, it's gone.