Preserving the Mystery - Falling in Love again...

[TrueHeart]

Inspired by Beec:

 

 

I've discovered that the whole scenerio behind trying to rekindle a relationship with an Ex is quite simple. First you establish the friendship, after the NC rule-- making casual contact. You get the general feeling, which goes something like this: The wave of emotion rushes through you. You're both smitten and confused at the same time, but you don't want to really come off too strongly, you're independent now-- and a different person... but you'd like nothing more than to just reach out and grab him/her and hold them again.

 

Things are going good, but something is just missing.. You scour the planet and your mind trying to find out what that is. After not talking to them for a while, you feel yourself wanting to talk to them more and more. Now that you have their attention, how do you keep it?

 

Its a stragedy, rather. Lets say you have rekindled, and you want to seem like things are just alive and anew. Thusly, preserving the mystery that is you. You want to chase, but also to be chased. You don't want to lose your luster soo early in the game, so here are tips:

 

1. In going on a date, perhaps surprise him/her by picking up the check, offering a tip, perhaps even offering to go somewhere else for dessert, or make one at home.

2. Open the door for him/her if you're used to the door being opened for you. Its a nice surprise and an even more pleasant gesture..

3. Send a little note, rather concise and a few lines, thanking them for a good time you had, or just because you thought you'd tell them they were beautiful today, or that someone is thinking of them.

 

These are small examples, to be used with great discretion... depending on your particular situation.

 

All these things and more help you preserve the mystery that you are that will keep them wondering what else is new.. The importance of being genuine is also the message here. You certainly don't want to put on a fasaude or smoke-screen that you cannot back up or keep up normally. Don't do things that are inconceivable to the degree that you cannot back it up with anything... For example, if you don't like going horseback riding or whatever, but now portray that you do just because you want to impress them, is NOT the answer..

 

The point is to preserve the mystery, keep them wanting YOU as much as YOU want THEM. You want them to fall in love with you all over again, but not only with the old you-- the new you. People change only if they want to, remember that. If you were ready for the change, this should beam from your soul. You want them to see that you have changed for the better, so back up your words.

 

Disclaimer: Not all relationships in attempts to be rekindled work out. Depending on the scenerio and the way you broke up and how long ago plays a lot in this situation. Sometimes, friendships are all you will get-- so go into it light hearted and willing to accept even that.. AFterall, that might be all that person has to offer anymore is their friendship. This is not meant to be a ploy to mislead anyone in anyway by saying at all that its ok to mislead people.. Absolutely not! Simply do not be someone you are not! Again, people change because they WANT to...

 

I'd love to hear any stories or additions you might have to those who are attempting to rekindle or have rekindled their relationships.. Perhaps you can inspire some hope in a few people just like I was inspired.

[Beec]

Thanks. I am glad that I inspired you, flattered too.

 

If I had one comment, it would be to make sure that you make sure to turn on and off the charm. Sometimes, you just have to wait for them to chase you a bit.

 

And, you are so on about the importance of being genuine.

[dikaia880]

That is a great way of putting things Trueheart! definitely the "condensed version" of Beec's great advice...

Maybe I'll get a chance to use it when I move back to my ex' town in 2 and a half weeks!

What do you think...LD, she broke it off (couldn't take the painn of missing me anymore, may have had another guy that filled the void but he's nothing compared to me), a month of non-stop calling from her, several times her telling me she's not over me and her hearts still with me, chasing & begging (not hardcore but still) from me, NC over past oh 2 months, me moving back in 2 and half weeks for school (originally LD was going to be three years, but i decided to go back for grad school, not for her, but I never told her just in case I didn't get into that school)? Funny how after almost seven months I've been able to condense it down to that...LOL!

[TrueHeart]

Quite interesting. Its amazing the type of things people go through. If anyone else would like to add/comment, please feel free...