Confused about ex

[Buffee]

I have been broken up with my boyfriend of 8 months for about a month and a half now.

 

He has been divorced for 3 years and has two daughters. His relationship with his ex wife is a major stress in his life.

 

When he broke up with me he said that he had to decide if he want to continue a relationship knowing that he could not give me the committment that I deserved and couldn't let the relationship progress anymore.

 

He has stated that he wants to remain friends and gets kind of mad when I say that I am not sure if I can just be friends with him.

 

For the last month and a half I have tried to be friends with him, as we usually get together about once a week to hang out, and we also play on the same softball team on sundays. Sometimes I have no problem being friends with him, and other days it causes confusion to me.

 

We have hung out a few times doing stuff with his daughters, and the other day I hung out with him, his mom and his daughters for an evening.

 

I guess my question is...is it possible to just be buddies and why does he feel like he needs me as one?

 

He sent me an email today when I asked him how he can just turn everything off and just hang out as buddies. He told me that he had to make a decision to either continue the relationship which he knew he couldn't offer anything more in or try to form a friendship with me cuz he still cares about me and my well being. (whatever that means).

 

I guess I am confused as to why he needs to be my buddy since I know that in the month and a half that we have been broken up that he has been out having "meaningless sex" as he puts it with other people.

 

Does anyone have any insight? I don't get it at all and it does hurt knowing that he has been out with other people in such a short time, but still wants me around as a buddy.

 

Buffee

[Buffee]

Oh yeah....

 

I have also been out on a few dates with a new person in the past week, but having the ex around and still seeing his girls is very confusing to me, I am having a tough time trying to figure out what to do.

 

Since he is apparently enjoying his new single life once again, it doesn't look like he wants me back as a girlfriend. He also tells me that should I meet someone else that makes me happy and that can offer what he can't he will be very happy for me.

 

 

[WishMistress]

It sounds like he wants you around because he does not want to let go completely, but for the sake of carrying on with your life you might have to stop being friends.

[Buffee]

Thank you for your reply, you could be right. THis whole thing has me confused, as this is the first time someone has want to still hang out as buddies after breaking up, some days I just don't get it.

 

Suppose it is kind of like having his cake and eating it too.

 

Buffee

[jarofpinecones]

I agree with WishMistress. You can be buddies, sure, but not RIGHT after a break up. It's just not possible, unless both people come to the same conclusion about their feelings for one another at the same time, but this is seldom the case. After some time has passed, and you truly don't care anymore, then sure, anything is possible. I was able to be friendly with my exes, but only after years have passed.

 

This guy sounds like he's still rebounding, even after 3 years. He may still be bitter about close intimate bonds, especially if he didn't initiate the divorce. I would stay away.

 

Stay away from him, clear your head, and move on. He is right. You do deserve someone who is emotionally available for you, and a relationship.

 

Take care, and good luck