I asked him if he's interested in dating me

[im sandra dee]

The guy I met two weeks ago hasn't asked me on an actual date yet. He has come to my house and we've had sex. I don't think that it's only about sex though because he has sent me the sweetest text messages OMG like the sweetest ever! But maybe he only wants to be friends. I dunno. Anyway, tonight I sent him a text message to ask him if he's interested in dating me. I don't know if that's too direct but I want to know. Having sex early on has sort of complicated things and I don't know where I stand. I was gonna get advice here on how to ask him but decided just to be direct with him. What do you think? Is it ok for a woman to ask a man this question?

[DN]

Yes, of course it's OK - especially having had sex.

[ToF]

Sure, being a woman should have nothing to do with it. You've been intimate, and you want to know where you stand. Makes sense to me.

[Don Juan]

you should ask him out instead if he is not stepping to the plate. if he declines the outing and doesnt offer and counteroffer youll know where you stand without putting yourself in the the weak "are you insterested in dating me"? frame.

[generaldiscord]

I think it's totally fine. I would personally go the Don Juan route, but there's nothing wrong with laying the cards on the table.

[im sandra dee]

you should ask him out instead if he is not stepping to the plate. if he declines the outing and doesnt offer and counteroffer youll know where you stand without putting yourself in the the weak "are you insterested in dating me"? frame.

 

I had invited him over for dinner at my place and he had accepted. He said that he was looking forward to it but plans on the night we originally chose got cancelled because of both our schedules.

 

Am I putting myself in weak frame as you indicated above? Weak to who? To him? Or weak to myself? I think that I'm pretty strong actually but perception may be an entirely different thing. Oh well. It doesn't matter. If he wants to date me, he will and his answer will be yes. If not, then I can move on and meet someone who does. C'est la vie.

[im sandra dee]

He said at this point he's not looking for anything long term and he hopes I understand. What does that mean exactly if my exact question to him was: "are you interested in dating me or just being friends?" He didn't answer the question. Do dating and long term mean the same thing? I thought they were different.

[DN]

Meh - wishy-washy answer. Time to move on. Good thing you asked and found out sooner rather than later.

 

In future you might want to think twice about having sex with someone if you might want a relationship with them - it is too easy to get emotionally invested and be hurt if they don't/

[im sandra dee]

Meh - wishy-washy answer. Time to move on. Good thing you asked and found out sooner rather than later.

 

In future you might want to think twice about having sex with someone if you might want a relationship with them - it is too easy to get emotionally invested and be hurt if they don't/

 

This is what happened.

 

I asked my question "are you interested in dating me or just being friends?" via text messaging. My mistake for texting it.

 

He clearly misunderstood when he responded about long term. I never even brought up long term EVER.

 

So I responded yet again to his text saying that I asked about dating not long term silly! The word "silly" added to lighten the mood.

I further stated that we haven't been out on an actual date and I wanted to know if he was gonna ask and he didn't...but it's ok

 

Then I felt the need to clear up the misunderstanding and I called him. He didn't answer and I didn't leave a message.

Then I tried again and again he didn't answer but this time I left him a message.

I recorded my message and it goes like this: (spoken with a calm voice)

When you have some time can you give me a call at my home number. I'm just calling you know about that text that I was asking you about the dating casual dating and you responded to that. And anyway you know I totally respect you know your opinion and what you want for yourself and that sort of thing but I wanted to talk to you about I just want to make sure you didn't misunderstand that there's no misunderstanding because well I've already replied to your text (here I laughed a bit) and not looking I'm not looking for anything long term but you know I like you obviously, you're nice and sweet and everything, funny, make me laugh, put a smile on my face and I was curious you know if you wanted to go out.

 

And at that point, his voice mail cut me off. Perfect timing. I said what I had to say in the time allotted so it seemed right to me even though I do some funny stuff when I talk and I'm nervous, repeating words and using "you know" when how he could he know? Oh and my grammar, good going but whatever. I am too funny. I reviewed the recorded message several times to make sure it was ok and it wasn't perfect but it was said from the heart. I am sincere.

 

Well I didn't get a call back from him. He spends Friday nights with his son so I understand he is busy. A few hours later I decided to text him again just to say Hello and then another to say Hope you have a good weekend

 

About a half hour later he responded by text saying this: I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Please forgive me. Your very much fun to be with. Your are funny as well.

 

I couldn't believe it!! He apologized to me!!!! No man has ever responded to me in that way!!!!!

I think maybe I'm finally learning how to communicate with men. But it helps that this man is a sweetie

 

I sent another text a few hours later. This one goes like this:

Sweetie I bought sexy Mrs. Claus lingerie that I wanna wear when I see you again but for that we'd stay in

[Don Juan]

he just wants to hook up from time to time.

[im sandra dee]

he just wants to hook up from time to time.

 

According to some dating experts, it's not a good idea to invest too much in one man too early and that's exactly what I've been doing just being here asking for advice about my situation with him. I need a break...

[newwave]

You need to rethink your dating pattern. If you are just looking for sex this is fne, but otherwise you are playing Russian roulette. 2 weeks and you are already sleeping with him? How do you know he doesn't have AIDS? What if you get pregnant? This is the mistake many women make is sleeping with a guy too early. Best to wait until it's serious, which could take months.

[im sandra dee]

I woke up this morning and something is different. This isn't how I usually feel about a man that I've been intimate with so early on. I'm usually desperate but this time I can't remember much about him. The memory of him is fading. Is there something wrong with me? Like seriously, I think there is something wrong with my brain like some disease has affected my ability to remember. His messages to me were sweet so how can I just forget him like that? Please someone tell me is this normal? How can I possibly follow the advice about not calling a man and letting him pursue me. What if I don't want to forget him? It's making me so sad that I can feel this way. I'm not sad that he hasn't called but sad that I'm not wanting him to call or wondering why he isn't calling. This is a first for me.