Cute...or crazy?

[mkemmet]

Hi guys -

 

I need some advice. I've been dating an absolutely wonderful man for about 7 months now. Everything is going absolutely swimmingly, except that something's a bit off. I have a 4-year old with my ex and we share custody, so I'll drop my son off for 2 days every week. I think he's jealous of whatever relationship my son's father and I used to have. (I have tried to draw this out of him and talk about it, but all he will say is that he's never been in a relationship with a mom and he's just "new at this.")

 

I have never been unfaithful - I wouldn't dream of it, I am that content with him. I have never given him any reason not to trust me. And my son's father has been out of the picture for so long (and the breakup of that relationship was so ugly) that the very idea of being attracted to him is ludicrous to me.

 

However - my beau has begun to come over all the time. I'm talking every day, sleeps over. I enjoy his company, but I get the feeling that he's trying to make sure I'm NOT doing anything on the side. Last night, I made plans to have my favorite aunt over to dinner, and explained to him I'd like some alone time with her. This was fine, and he said twice, "OK, I'll see you tomorrow then. Have fun tonight."

 

During dinner with my aunt, the phone rang and I didn't answer it. About a half hour later, when we had finished, I looked on the caller ID and it was my boyfriend. I called back and there was no answer. About five minutes later - you guessed it - he's at my door. No explanation for why he was there (and I wasn't going to deal with it when my aunt was there) except that he "wanted to see how you guys were doing." By the time my aunt left (and our "girl time" was scheduled for a later date), I was too tired to talk - and I wanted to take a day to sort out what I'd say.

 

Is this a bit creepy or what? Am I reading this right - that this guy is "checking up" on me? All indications are that he's a normal - albeit kind of inexperienced - guy, but I didn't like what happened last night.

 

Any outside takes on this one?

 

Thanks!!!

[hurtbylove]

Having a relationship with a single mom would definetly be more difficult.

 

How old is he and how experienced with relationships is he?

 

Do you think he has insecurity issues?

 

I think he should have a bit more trust in you to let you go though. Is he normally a clingy type?

 

He is doing the checking up type of behavior I can tell you that.

[woobiegirl]

It might be "cute at first...but then after awhile the "checking" would get old. It sounds like he has trust issues, maybe not from you, but from past relationships. On his behalf though, dating someone who has an ex in the picture because of children can bring out jealousy issues or just take time to realize that's exactly what they are "Ex's".

 

It's either going to get better after he realizes you do not have any hidden agendas and that your relationship with you ex is built only around your child you share and that's not going to go away anytime soon...so he'll either have to come to terms with it or it will cause friction in your relationship. If he has trust issues in general...then that's not healthy either. Can you sit down and open up your feelings & thoughts to him?

 

Best wishes,

Woobiegirl

[Beec]

It's clear that he has an issue with how much he trusts you, whether or not it has anything to do with you.

 

Dealing with it is not going to be easy. But there might be several things you could try.

 

First, talking about it with him will either cure the problem right off or make it a difficult issue to cure and one about which you have a bunch of clashes. So, perhaps a different approach should be tried first.

 

How could you go about making him feel secure with the idea that he is the guy you want? You should think about that and come up with your own ideas.

 

An example that mgiht work for some guy. Set it up so you will be out on a night when you are going to be free. One of those nights when your ex has your child. Then be out, and show up at his place with fire in your eyes for him. Suddenly, you have turned the tables a bit. But you are not being cliingy.

 

Security is a big part in some realtionships. Demosntrating that we are trustworthy is part of our duties in a relationship, as is trusting the other person. Which ones come first? It's a chciken or the egg question. Maybe demonstrating something that shows you are trustworthy and want him, will help.