Define "Staying in the Picture"

[SethSLC]

So it often comes up in multiple threads here the idea of not staying in the picture. I'm really curious how specific that is?

 

For example for me I work with her and so see her daily. She moved here from California so pretty much all her friends, that aren't her study groups, were my friends first so we will see each other outside of work.

 

I don't call, email, IM, text her anymore (haven't for a week or so) but she is really struggling at times. I'll see her at work and she immediately gets tense and uncomfortable so I'll smile and joke around to lighten her mood.

 

She's filled to overflowing with anger. She directs it at me sometimes because I changed after she left and not before.

 

Something that helped me change and be OK with everything is constant writing in journals my friends gave me all of the mess that was in my head. Whether it was gibberish or not didn't matter, I felt better after writing it down. So since she's moving into her own place finally this weekend and she said she was going to start dealing with all her own "stuff" I gave her a journal and pen with an inscription that something like that really helped me and I hope she may find some help with it. I don't like seeing her hurt, angry I mean I really do still love her and want her to be OK.

 

My question is then...what to you all is too much? If you have to be around them how can you "leave the picture" but not abandon and give the cold shoulder? I want her to face the world of her own choosing without me as any kind of support, yet still not be a jerk about it.

[Edmund Exley]

Nothing you can do about work but if you can disconnect from communication indicitive of boyfriend or even friends outside of work, you're doing all you can.

[SethSLC]

Ya that's where I'm trying to walk the line. As everything stands I don't want her back at the moment. The only thing I've changed is now I show my good emotions instead of only showing them halfway. But that is the one thing she wanted from me all that time. So with that in mind I was concerned about not staying in the picture but at the same time not coming off as a jerk or seeming to have reverted back to my old self. Think I'll just be nice and friendly towards her, say hi, but not start conversations.

[30yrold]

Ya that's where I'm trying to walk the line. As everything stands I don't want her back at the moment. The only thing I've changed is now I show my good emotions instead of only showing them halfway. But that is the one thing she wanted from me all that time. So with that in mind I was concerned about not staying in the picture but at the same time not coming off as a jerk or seeming to have reverted back to my old self. Think I'll just be nice and friendly towards her, say hi, but not start conversations.

 

I think you are doing great. Keep that smile on your face, and you will be just terrific. Smiling on the outside does affect your internal emotions, its a fact!

[LeeRoy6071]

Hey SethSLC,

 

Check out the thread "Nonchalance is your Friend", started by CrapatNC.

I think it may help give you some answers.

 

Cheers,

LR