What does this mean and what should I do?

[joshefch]

I posted a message a little while ago. Here is my situation. My ex girlfriend and I had dated for about a year and a half. She then graduated from college and moved back home about 500 miles away. We dated still until about two months after that and then she broke up with me. This was about 5 months ago.

 

She never gave me a definite reason why she broke up with me, she always told me I didn't need to know. She told me she just didn't have feelings for me anymore. This is a month after she was talking about getting married and picking out engagement rings. I still hung out with her when I was back in town, whenever I got the change.

 

After the semester I returned back to town, we went out once just to hang out but that is where all hell broke loose. I was very upset because I wanted to know why she broke up with me. I told her I was mad that she would never make contact with me and it was always me calling or messaging her. She told me she never made contact because she didn't want to lead me on. I was very upset at this time and she told me she never wanted to see me again and that I should not try to call because I wanted too much and we couldn't be friends. I couldn't accept this so I just made things worse.

 

I finally gave up and stopped contacting her about a month and half ago. She also told me she had a boy friend and he didn't want her hanging out with me. So about two weeks ago she started messaging me. Asking me what was going on and just making conversation. She mentioned in conversation that she had a new boyfriend and they had been dating for about 3 weeks.

 

She told me she had lied about the previous boyfriend so I would accept she had moved on and leave her alone. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go get lunch today so I agreed. I went to eat lunch with her and we seemed to have good conversation. She would casually bring up her new boy friend in conversation. She then asked me back to her house to see how she had decorated it (she just bought a new house). We then went to her house and I ended up spending about two hours there just catching up. She would mention her boy friend during conversation.

 

She also brought up that she thought about getting back together with a guy she dated before me, but they had made out but she figured out he was just a player. She also brought up about another guy she had dated before me who wanted to get back together with her, but she wasn't interested. Other than that we just had a nice conversation. I also asked what her bf did as in a job. She first ignored me than I asked again and she told me what does it matter. I then apologized for getting to personal and dropped it. Why would she get so upset. Hell she brought him up so much. I then left and came home.

 

My question is why after she told me she didn't want to see or talk to me anymore why she contacted me again. Why did she want to go to lunch? Why did she talk so much about her boy friend and all the people she was seeing? She is nice girl and is not one to get around. I just don't know why she would make and effort to contact me again after I had given up on her if there wasn't a reason or if she had a motive behind it. And I don't know whether to tell her I am still in lover with her or to ask her to hang out more often just to be around her. What does this mean and what should I do?

[shanejeffery86]

The reason is very plain and simple. She wanted to see if you go move on without her. I can tell you, from what you wrote, that she may be lying about this boyfriend too. I do not think he even exists. It would not surprise me. I know it is hard, but let it go. There is something better out there for you. She is trying to get the best of you. Do not let her. We guys have to blow off the power some women have to have. She wants to control the situation. She wants to be the one who does the calling and messaging. Just tell her you are no longer interested. Unless are you still interested in her? What are your feelings towards her? Figure out those two questions before you proceed.

[Scout]

This girl broke up with you in a very shoddy way. It was wrong, period. Find someone with more consideration of your feelings, and let her continue along with her selfish antics. Karma will pay her back, you need not worry about that.

[OceanEyes]

I also asked what her bf did as in a job. She first ignored me than I asked again and she told me what does it matter. I then apologized for getting to personal and dropped it.

 

Ummm, if she didn't want to make it your business, then she shouldn't have brought it up in the first place. Shanejeffery has a point here, it seems like she's just asking to see you and contacting you to see if you might be dating someone else.

 

Don't apologize to her, at this point, you owe her nothing. That sounds harsh, but she really sounds like she's behaving like a child. Also, why the heck would she feel it's necessary to share the details of her making out with someone else? She's saying these things to get a reaction from you. She's being immature and cruel.

 

Don't give her the satisfaction of sharing anything with her about your life. In fact, don't ask her questions about anything in her life. I guarantee this is what she wants, and you shouldn't give it to her. She's trying to toy with you, as brutal as that sounds. Cut her off from your life for now while she grows up and realizes that the world doesn't revolve around her!

[outrageousxo]

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[joshefch]

My problem is I am still in love with her. I want to spend time with her. I am not sure if she knows I have fellings for her, but I dont know if I should tell her just yet. First and foremost I want her friendship . That might be dumb but I really want her in my life. I just dont know why she would make a point ot contact me and not have a reason behind it?

[joshefch]

Also if someone is so happy, why does she need to come back and contact me to tell me about it? Why? Man I am so confused....thanks for the help!

[outrageousxo]

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[joshefch]

Do people just all of sudden start contacting their exs jsut for the hell of it. She wanted me out of her life...so that is what she got. But now she comes back to message me but she tell me she has a bf. I was out of her life she brought me back in. Now my question and problem is ....there has to be a reason. I want to ask her but dont know if that will make things work. If sahe told me that the reason why she came back was to jsut to be firends that would be fine with me. IO would liek that, but poeple have to have reasons to out of the blue contact someone. So what is her reason. I am getting a headache. Hehe, thanks for th ehelp... I guess no girl is worht this but I am still in love with her...but I dont let her know.

[outrageousxo]

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[joshefch]

I dont know if she wants to know I am there to fall back on.. I just wish there was a way for me to know. She wants to make me jealous by talking about the new bf... I never birng him up but when I ask a question about him after she does she gets upset or ignores the question. How do I know her intentions without asking?

[outrageousxo]

what i meant was that she coulda fell back on you right after you guys broke up- because you were still hounding her. now that youre not- well she wants that security back, which is just really immature.

 

next time she brings up her bf, just be like, why are you telling me this? you wouldnt like it if i kept talking about my new love interest..

 

 

WELL SHE WOULDNT! SHE PROBABLY WOULDA WENT NUTS ON YOU- but you have handled yourself well.

 

tell her youre over the relationship but she must not be if shes sitting there tryna make you jealous.

 

maybe she doesnt wanna answer the questions about him because he doesnt really exist and she hasnt thought her whole scheme up lol...like when you asked what he did for work? and she wouldnt answer? hmmm just sounds sketchy to me.

 

 

how do you know what her intentions are? just observe her actions. to me it sounds like she misses you but shes a screwball