self loathing confusion

[lostNheartbroken]

What makes women so cruel?

 

Here's my story. Last summer I met this amazing girl who was here from a small country next to russia called belarus. I went out with this girl several times and every time I found myself so happy and falling for this girl. She went back to her country and we kept in touch through email. Three weeks ago she came back here and called me. We met and went out together on our days off. Things have been perfect, but I've felt something strange. I tried to kiss her one night and I found myself kissing dead lips, she didn't kiss back. Confusion is all I can say to explain what I felt. So I've never made another pass at her since. Friday was her 21st birthday and she spent it with me, I gave her flowers, took her out for a night on the town and we had a wonderful time. As the night was winding down to an end we found ourselves sitting together on the sand at the beach with the waves coming up to our feet and things were perfect. Then she said she had something but she felt I'd hate her if she told me. I was curious since I don't hate anyone, and why would I hate this girl who I dreamt about nightly? So, she goes on and says, "Last summer you asked if I had a boyfriend, and I said no," I respond with, "mm..hmm...?". So she goes on to tell me that she does have a boyfriend, she's been with him for 6 years and this year he is here with her and actually the apartment I'd just picked her up from is where they live together.....

 

She went on to tell me that he was her only boyfriend and 2 years ago she was so in love with him, but after last summer (with me) things changed, when she went back to him things were different, and she said now, when she thinks of him, she feels nothing.

 

Needless to say my world was shattered, my heart taken from me, and my emotions set astirr. I didn't really say much after that, I just sat and watched the waves crash and thought about 1 million different things. We walked and before getting to the car I took her on another rollercoaster hoping it would lighten my mood. I took her home and she asked if I'd pick her up the next day (saturday). I told her maybe. And of course when the next day rolled around I did go pick her up. I wouldn't let myself get down throughout the entire time we spent together. While on my boat, I brought up her boyfriend and said, "You have a boyfriend, what the heck, I was so sad when you told me you had a boyfriend". She looked at me and said, "It's not good? You want me to be your girlfriend?" and I said "Yes," and she said jokingly, "well I could have 2 boyfriends," then she said, "No, I'm a good girl, but things will change".

 

Today she wanted to go fishing so I took her out in my boat and we caught some fish and took a boat ride out to the dolphins and watched them jump around the boat for a while, then I took her to my house, cleaned the fish and cooked them for her for dinner. After, we went and played put put golf and I took her home. She wants to see me tomorrow when she gets off work. But I'm not so sure...

 

I don't think it's good for me to spend all my free time with her, because when I drop her off at night, she has someone to come home to, but when I get home I have no one, and I want someone. Do I tell her this or just stop seeing her? I'm so confused I don't know what to do.

 

It's so strange because when I'm with her, I'll look at her and she's already looking at me, then we both smile and laugh and look at each other again, then look away. We have a mutual friend and last summer when she left she emailed him saying she was in love with me but she didn't know me too well and was scared maybe I would turn out to not be nice. I can see where she'd be trying to get to know me as best she can before dumping her boyfriend, since they have been together so long I'm sure anyone in that situation would be scared to give up something they know(current bf) for something so uncertain, such as me.

 

This is just the tip of the iceburg, but I'd rather not bore everyone, so I think this should be enough. For those of you who have been in a similar situation, any advice for the amorous individual such as myself?

 

Is it better to continue a relationship with her in hopes that she'll be mine or do I just go look for someone else? This isn't just an ordinary girl, she's wife material. But I can't wait forever....

[Blnde_Bombshell]

I have a very short attention span but somehow I read that whole thing!!

 

I think you should move on. If she didn't tell you about the boyfriend till later, who knows what else she's holding back. What happens if you do get together and she does the same thing and tells another guy later down the line she has a boyfriend after he's fallin in love with her. And when she says she could have 2 boyfriends....hmmm...that sounds a bit sketchy. Don't wait around for her. She's stringing you along. I promise you, you can do better than that. (and that doesn't sound like wife material) If she proved to be the woman for you, she would have left him already and not have to put you in the awkward position of this......move on!!!!!

[LILI]

damn, WOW, look man, i know you like this girl and all but if i were you i would get away from here. About a year ago my boyfriend left to Las Vegas and i met this guy named Chris. We started to hang out and he was real nice. He had a lot of money and sh*t, and he will invite me places, and his house has huge and everything you know, and he was cute, and his family was very nice, well, i loved and still love my boyfriend, but i cheated on him, i kissed this guy chris, but he didnt know i had a boyfriend. He had made attempts to kiss me before but i always turned things on him, and i just wanted a friendship, but i somehow knew i liked him. So one night he and i were at this party and i got drunk i ended up kissing him, then my friend put me in a room where i feel assleep and the b*tch gave him a condom and told him that the room was his or something, good thing he is a nice person and he just sat there while i slept. Well, the next morning i felt bad, i liked them both, but there is my boyfriend, the one that knows me, the one that i love and have been experiencing for a year, only a year, we are talking about 6 years with your girl. I hope she isnt playing you for a fool, but she is cheating on her boyfriend and that is unacceptable. Im sorry if im offending her seeing as you might have feelings for her but this is the truth. If i were you, i would stop seeing her, and if she loves you like she told ur friend then she will stop seeing her boyfriend and come to you. I had that choice and i made it work with my boyfriend. I believe there is someone out there for you, but be realistic, right now she isnt yours. Dont share her like that man! When you are kissing her, you are practically kissing her man, thats nasty, you need to value yourself and tell her ur better than that and she shouldnt be doing that to her boyfriend. I hope this helps you, good luck.