Physical Contact

[eviljedi]

Hey, how do I know when its right to touch a girl, nothing sexual, just on the hand or something like that? Where is the best place to do this and in what kind of situation, and how long should I touch her for?

What do girls think if a guy touches them on the hand?

Iv thought about it but then it never seems like the right time and it would just be inappropriate.

 

 

Thanks

[TheIceman]

Hiya,

i think the best time would be when your both relaxed and talking to each other, i find its best if your sat next to each other and just put your arm round her, if she seems on edge or reacts negatively to it then just take it away. As for how long to keep it there, i normally just keep it until one of you ecides to move/get up.

 

hope tht helps

[Optimistic37]

I find physical contact very hard, even with friends. I never hug my friends (but have now started to) and I dont know why. When I am in a group with ppl I tend to hug eveyone greeting and saying goodbye, but on a one 2 one I tend to just wave and part (applies mainly to girls). I find it very annoyign that I cant just hug girls or put my arms around them (just as a friend).

I think I've got to a stage that ppl dont expect me to hug them or show physical contact so it would be weird if I did. I have been reading a little bit into this and everywhere I have read has said that girls tend to prefer men to not show alot of physical contact. They prefer to just link arms for a while and a hug for goodbye.

The main reason I replied to this thread is because of this girl i REALLY fancy (but she has a bf - see the thread I made in Friends). Today we went shopping together. After about 2 hours we left a shop and I put my arm around her and my hand on her side. She did nothing and I felt really uncomfortable, she just kept doing what she was doing. I waited for about 4 secs then I droped my arm and we carried on as usual. I dont know how to take this

[eviljedi]

Thats my problem, I never hug my friends or anything like that (girls) but I don't really see many other 16 year olds doing that so I guess its normal for me. If a girl touches me/rubs against me in class or something I feal really weird and don't know how to handle it, most of the time I just act like nothing happened. Maybe if I got a girlfirend it would be different I donno.

[Optimistic37]

yeh, i tend to act abit weird if a girl touches me. I guess I'm just that kinda person who is only close to those I really like. I know many ppl who have loads of friends who they hang out with, but I would say that they would do anything for them. However, I only have a few friends whom I am extremely close with. I would do anything for them and I have.

 

One of these friends is a girl called Daisy who I'm falling in love with. I really want to hug her all the time and keep her close but I'm too worried she will push me away. Read more about this here please: link removed

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

I know how you guys feel, I'm not a really touchy-feely person either, and when the guy I'm dating hugged me for the first time I was pretty surprised. He always wraps his arms around me though, or hugs me goodbye so now I'm getting used to it, and it feels a bit more natural. I guess it just takes time to get used to since I've never had a boyfriend before. But I'd suggest just putting your arm around her when it feels right..i.e. a movie theatre is great, when it's a scary part, for instance..he always puts his arm around me then. =) Or put your arm around her when you're sitting next to each other.

 

Also, to the phybrid, can you explain what you mean by this: "She did nothing and I felt really uncomfortable, she just kept doing what she was doing." Like you mean, she kept shopping? Just because I hope I'm not giving off wrong signals as well! When he wraps his arm around me I will sometimes wrap mine around him as well, but sometimes I wouldn't & would just walk with his arm around me... Just wondering what you expect.. heh, I'm not great with this as well, obviously. Last time in the movies when he wrapped his arm around me and stroked my arm I held his hand and starting stroking his fingers, which was sorta big for me, lol. But yeah, I'm not a big touch person as well, so it takes a bit of time for me to click in & think of how to respond. In the beginning I guess I would just carry on as well, so it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you, maybe she's just like me & is a bit timid about how to respond or something.

[Optimistic37]

i meant that she carried on talking and shopping like it never happened. Was kinda weird and made me never do it again.

 

So my tip to girls: if a boy puts his arm/s around u, put urs around him too. It really does hurt. However, I only recommended to do this DEFENATELY if the boy doesnt do it all the time or u give off the message that ur easy.

 

Im one of the boys who doesnt do it all the time and it hurts if a girl (whom uve had to pluck up courage to put ur arms around - friend or more) doesnt react back.

[Duderanomi]

Usually, I can always tell from the mood whether or not it's appropriate to be touching a girl in any shape or form. Whatever you do tho, if a girl tells you to stop or that she's uncomfortable about it, stop.

[eviljedi]

phybrid I think in your case she didn't react because she has a boyfriend!

[orange blood]

Thats my problem, I never hug my friends or anything like that (girls) but I don't really see many other 16 year olds doing that so I guess its normal for me.

This is kinda like me, But I do see my other friends hugging and what not.

Physical contact/hugging just doesn't come natural to me, seems like I somehow missed that boat when everybody else got on. Even when my grandmother tries to give me a hug I seem out of place.

 

In all that I can remember, there have been 3 cases where someone who wasn't family(even with family there aren't that many) has hugged me. Once in 8th grade when I gave a girl a dollar for her birthday. Second one was when this girl I've known since middle school hugged me cause I was standing right there when she was telling what had happeend with this other guy to her friend, and acting it out. It was a bit akward, but this was in may of this year(10th grade). And the last time was shortly after when I was trying to give a girl back her paper but she just saw me with an out strecthed arm and gave me a hug. I should of just took that cause it did feel nice, but I had to explain I was just tryign to give her back her paper, and I think maybe she took that a bit wrong, but we were still cool afterwards.

 

If a girl touches me/rubs against me in class or something I feal really weird and don't know how to handle it, most of the time I just act like nothing happened. Maybe if I got a girlfirend it would be different I donno.

There was at least this one girl I know this year who I just happen to sit next to two periods in a row, who would always touch me. She was the only girl I ever got comfortable enough to touch. But it wasn't anything big on my part, just the regular touching when talking or just trying to get their attention. She would put her hand on mine, sometimes on my thigh, I remember once she was all happy with me and was like saying I was just her best friend(even though she did say it, I know she didn't mean it, it was more of the "oh your scored us some chips, cokes, and 2 ice cream cartons left over from the after AP biology test celebration") and put her arm around mine and this other girl's(who is her best friend) and started to drag us along while she ran.

Those are just a few examples on her. I would plug my own topic, but it's a long read.

But yeah, other than her this year, whenever a girl would touch me or anything, I wouldn't really know how to handle it and most of the time took it like it never happened.

I think I've got to a stage that ppl dont expect me to hug them or show physical contact so it would be weird if I did.

Exactly how I feel.

Like the girl I was talkign to up there, even with all of the touching and stuff with me, she neevr once hugged me, nor I her. I think it was because of this. Maybe people just never see you hug anyone and assume maybe you don't like it or whatever. And then you just get this stigma.

 

But I seem to be like a black sheep in my family when it comes to this. For some reason I just missed out on all of this. I got weired out when my dad hugged me and said he loved me on one of my recent birthdays. Cause with the exception of my grandmother, no one really says they "love" me or hug me on a regular basis, so it always sticks out and sometimes seems surreal.

[eviljedi]

Well, im okay with people I have known for years and my family, its just when it comes to new people I never know when its the right time in the realationship to start physical contact.

[Optimistic37]

i think hugging is a very intimate action so I tend not to hug every person I meet.

I have been thinking about this topic and I think that it's best to not show a lot of physical contact. thereforeeee, when u do show it to someone it really does mean something and the person will know that as well. A mate of mine always puts his arms around girls and hugs and now the girls tend to just hug him back with no real feeling or affection. It seems as is if it's just the thing he does. When I hug a girl (which is rare) I seem to get a lot of feeling back off them, they tend to hug me back with arms rapped hard around me and their head cusioned in me and eyes closed. I have only really noticed in this, this week.

[Lily04]

i meant that she carried on talking and shopping like it never happened. Was kinda weird and made me never do it again.

 

So my tip to girls: if a boy puts his arm/s around u, put urs around him too. It really does hurt. However, I only recommended to do this DEFENATELY if the boy doesnt do it all the time or u give off the message that ur easy.

 

Im one of the boys who doesnt do it all the time and it hurts if a girl (whom uve had to pluck up courage to put ur arms around - friend or more) doesnt react back.

 

OK, thanks phybrid. Now thinking about it, I think I did the same thing as the girl you were with as well - I just continued on talking as if nothing had happened. I think it was because I didn't want to show that it was a big thing for me, I just wanted to act natural..but I suppose a better response would have been to put MY arm around his as well. But as I said, I am sorta shy & new with this stuff, so I just didn't know how to react. But now I know I should just be more outgoing with this stuff & probably show my emotions more to encourage him..it's only fair after all.

 

Also, phybrid consider the possibility that maybe she's not used to this as well, and didn't know how to react. I'm not sure what her personality is like, but maybe she's a bit shy/nervous as well..

[northernlights]

Wow, there's a lot to be learned in this thread for both guys and girls.

 

For instance, I didn't know that doing nothing when a guy puts his arm around me could make him feel insecure. I just figured that if I don't move away, it's a good sign for him. Because honestly. it feels weird putting my arm around a guy who has his arm around me. It feels more buddy-buddy then.

 

A question for the guys. If you put your arm around a girl, what do you want her to do besides put her arm around you. Lean on your shoulder? Move her body closer to you, etc.?

 

And for guys, just b/c a girl doesn't reciprocate anything doesn't mean she doesn't like it. If they don't move away or freeze up (you'll notice tense shoulders, an awkward pause in the conversation etc.), it's okay. Keep what you're doing, because inside she likes it!

If she doesn't like it, you'll notice it. Definitely.

[Optimistic37]

And for guys, just b/c a girl doesn't reciprocate anything doesn't mean she doesn't like it. If they don't move away or freeze up (you'll notice tense shoulders, an awkward pause in the conversation etc.), it's okay. Keep what you're doing, because inside she likes it!

If she doesn't like it, you'll notice it. Definitely

 

aahh thanks for that Northenlights, that makes more sense for in my situation the other day.

 

A question for the guys. If you put your arm around a girl, what do you want her to do besides put her arm around you. Lean on your shoulder? Move her body closer to you, etc.?

 

I expect a girl to put her arm around me (obviously). I feel it is best to lean ur head on a boy because it feels more genuine. If a girl puts their arm around me when i put mine around her without leaning her head on me, it feels good but u have that doubt in ur mind that she might be just doin it to avoid embaressment of not doin it.