feel im missing out on the best years of my life

[uongy]

hey people.im feeling rather low at the moment.im not really sure why but i can fotham some reasons.

 

i was really happy this time last year when i was in love with my ex in a long distance relationship.it did prove a major strain on the heart and my girlfriend couldnt take the pain no more and broke up with me last Sept.i have taken time to get over the pain and i feel ok about things and i feel im over her.

 

i havent had a girlfriend since then but im getting happier as i have made some good new friends and feeling as confident as i have ever been.im generally happy with myself.

 

the only things i dont like about myself are as follows:

1)im still often too quiet and im not confident enough to talk much even in the company of friends.im friends with alot of people but with some,i get really quiet especailly girls mates.sometimes,i just have nothung to say,even if i think about what to say.often things just come off the top of my head in conversation.

 

2)i still catch myself day-draming about having a girlfriend and i often find that when i meet a girl,i dont let things be but rather "assess" them to whether they are girlfriend material.i dont want to be like that as i feel under pressure to talk to them etc.id rather just meet people and just let things happen.basically,i just want to be cool with things rather be stressed about having a girl.

 

the second point is the main one i think.the problem lies with me wanting the happiness of last year.i really eager to have a girl and this is emphasised by the fact that many of my friends have partners.

 

im 17 and supposed to be enjoying myself and basically dont want to be miserable!i want to have fun.to most people my age,they have fun with loads of people.but im a firm believer of long term relationships and i hate flings and playing the field.

 

so i just dont know how to stop being like a misreable git!

any help thanks.

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

You sound like an old soul, in a young person's body..... and I mean that as a compliment. The way you express your thoughts suggests that you are an intelligent young man. I have a son who is 16 and I can't imagine him thinking with that complexity.

 

I think what you're going through is completely normal. I remember the teenage years vividly and it was hard. You want it all and you want it now, and fast. You try to relax but you can't, and you find yourself thinking constantly about your future and relationships. Worried about your appearance and what others will think of you. Constatnly comparing yourself to others and what they have. I'll let you in on a little secret: no one your age has it all figured out... some of them might think they do and everything might look okay on the outside but usually aren't, and I think if you knew more about them you'd find that they are facing the same insecurities you are.

 

If you find yourself in situations with nothing to say around girls, try to get into situations where there is more activity than talk, such as going canoeing, camping, volleyball, etc., you know, anything involving physical activity so you don't have to talk as much. Plus it's a fun way to get to know people. Finally, just talk to girls like you'd talk to one of your guy friends, but leave out the trash talk about girls, of course!!!! Really, females like to feel like the guy is comfortable with them... confidence is a great turn on. A great sense of humor is wonderful to be around, too. So keep that in mind. Whatever you do, don't let depression set in. If you truly need someone to talk to, seek a counselor or a trusted adult to hear you out and suggest help. Talk to a parent or other relative too, it is important that they know how you feel.

 

Good luck!

[guitarman]

I used to think like you. Very logical. Always looking for the right way, right thing to do. But i realised after a while, that there is always a underlying intention to anyone who chooses to live the way they do. And for me, it was just a way to position myself differently from others. In other words, attention.

 

For me, I wanted to portray the image of a gentlement ... refined and noble thinking. At the same time, I wanted to share the same humour and fun and let down my hair to join in the party. The end result, I felt miserable because l I was trying to be someone else, I found it hard to revert back to who I am.

 

But all these experiences didn't come without a lesson to learn. I learnt that there is always a time a space for everything. There is a time to have fun and there's a time to be serious. The most important thing is you mustn't "try". You should just "be". What's the point of trying to BE someone else when it's so cool to BE YOURSELF.

 

It's good that you don't want flings and short term relationships. But sometimes, it's good to be able to learn from past relationships. So when you meet a girl, DO NOT immediately consider if she can or cannot be your girlfriend. Do not TRY to go after her and do not TRY to avoid her if she is not your type. Just BE a friend ... BE there to listen ... Whatever that will happen WILL happen no matter what. Don't try to start a conversation, let the conversation flow ..... conversations always flows from interest and intention of connect. It always takes 2 hands to clap.

 

Hence when I work .... I work. When I play .... i play. I don't talk about work when I play nor play when I am working. Unless I am asked about my job when I am talking to someone in a Club. You might wanna try doing things which are common to people. Like Magazines, Music, Movies, T.V, News, Sports and stuff like that. You can form opinions analyzing what's happening to Beckham and Victoria And John Kerry and George Bush.

 

Ok .... I think I'm typing too much ..... to summerise all that I've written ..... I have two words for ya ...... BE NATURAL ....

 

 

Glenn Fong

 

Glenn Fong

[behind_these_eyes]

The only people that call these "the best days of our lives" are already older. People love when things are possible, and when your past suddenly seems longer than your future, you enjoy memories more than expectations. That's why people are always reflecting on their teenage years. Hindsight is always 20/20, and although most people were probably just as confused as us when they were 17, they see everything more clearly in retrospect.

Personally, I think our best days haven't happened yet. That's just fine with me though, cause I'd rather have something to look forward to than something to remember. Who knows what I'm talking about anyway though? I'm definitely no genius, just letting you know you're not alone.