How to trust him

[Babypottz514]

My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago mainly because he felt like we were married. We were supposed to move in together last week and he just totally broke up with me 2 weeks before. He said he wasn't able to tell me that he wasn't ready and it all just hit him and he left. Now he wants to get back with me but I don't know if I can trust him. I had some trust issues before probably because my first boyfriend cheated on me and my dad cheated on my mom. When we were broken up he went down the shore and told me he didn't meet any girls and then I heard one in the backround and apparently he did meet girls but didn't hook up with any of them. I believe that he has been faithful but I'm very over-protective and I always feel like I have to be with him to know if he is with other girls. He also met one of the girls I went to school with while we were going out and just didn't tell me because he thought I would get mad. I really want to get back with him cause I was with him for a year and a half and I'm not ready to let go but I just don't know how to trust him. I'm also not very trusting of people who are drunk cause I met him when he was drunk and he was all over me. So if he was like that when I met him then how do I know that he isn't like that with other girls. He says it is because he wasn't with anyone when he met me and now he wouldn't be like that cause he would be with me. I just don't know how to trust him and how to let him go hang out with his friends by himself. He also still wants to go down the shore every weekend and I have no idea who these girls are that he hangs out with so I can't trust them and I don't know how they act. Someone please help!!

[Azure13]

I know how you feel about the being suspicious and over protective thing.. I was the same way with my first boyfriend. Just take a step back for a second and relax here. I guess the question is, do you love him? If you love him and want to give him another try, then go for it. But also realize that loving someone means trusting someone. I can understand how you would be reluctant to trust someone who broke up with you once.. it is really up to you to make the decision. If you really care for him just give it another shot.. but on the other hand if you think something smells very fishy then maybe you could be onto something here, maybe he isn't worthy of trust. One word of advice though is that if you relax a little bit on the over protective thing, he won't feel as smothered.. thats why he left in the first place right? You may regret it one day if you find you were making big deals out of nothing (him having female friends and such) and pushed him away permanently b/c of it. On the other hand if you truly feel he is the kind of person who lies and isn't truthful then maybe there's a reason for your distrust. Maybe try talking to him about it some more and see how he responds.. is he loving with you when you ask him questions about your time apart/breakup or does he get all defensive? Sorry I couldn't be of more help, I guess all I can say is look into your heart- only you will know if he is a trustworthy, good guy or just a player.

[Babypottz514]

thank you so much..I think you have been the most helpful person that has ever posted a reply to any of my questions. Everytime I post somewhere someone gets cocky with me or something but you were so nice about it. Well a little update..I talked to him again and told him I would try to trust him but it would take a little bit and I would like it if he took me with him to places at least once just to see what he does there and to be able to feel more comfortable about him being there alone. Well apparently I changed his mind in a matter of like 2 hours and he doesn't know if he wants to get back together now. I'm putting so much effort into this relationship and if he doesn't want to put effort into it as well then it's really not worth it. If I'm willing to work on my trust issues then he has to work on letting me back in his life and if he doesn't want to do that it's not worth it. I really thought I would marry this guy but I'm young and I know eventually I can find someone else. Thank you so much for your help though..I am very grateful.

[Azure13]

You are quite welcome Ok again this is exactly sortof what happened with me with my first b/f, he also changed his mind about wanting get back with me like a day later.. I think your ex might have changed his mind b/c maybe he doesn't want you to see the places he goes.. maybe he does have something to hide from you when hes at those places and thats why he changed his mind. Thats what I think anyway, I think you should move on from him.