NEVER lend "friends" money/ major vent

[Moontiger]

I have a situation that I am so frustrated with I need to vent and I think this is the best place to do that.

 

I graduated from college in May. During my last year I lived with three girls one of whom ( I’ll call her Lisa) told me she was not going to move home but stay in the area. I was planning to do the same so we decide to find an apartment together.

 

We were planning on moving in with one other person and things seem to be moving along just fine. Lisa had a hard time finding a job but eventually got one. The problem was she was not going to have enough money to make first month’s rent plus her half of the deposit.

 

Because she now had a job and we were going to be living together I told her I would loan her the money and she could pay me back. Then…

 

She backed out at the last minute. The other girl and myself moved into the apartment and Lisa swore up and down I would get my money. Fast forward to four months later and I haven’t received a dime! There is ALWAYS an excuse as to why she cannot pay. I have started calling/texting her a lot about it.

 

I heard from Lisa’s best friend that she goes out drinking every night after work. Here is the math I have worked out: If Lisa buys one drink each nigh that’s about $6, times 7 nights a week equals $42 a week, times four weeks in a month and that equals $168 a month. She could easily pay me back and just hasn’t.

 

Finally I got so feed up I texted her this, “Lisa, I have been waiting for four months for you to pay me back. I really hate to take it to this level but if I do not receive something from you by the 30th I am going to contact your parents. I need you to start paying your debt. Any amount you can send to start paying is fine.”

 

She texted me back that “I will get my money but she was (supposedly) in a car crash and had to pay for that.” And that I wasn’t helping my “harassing” her about it. I asked several people who know her and found out that her story is BS.

 

I then texted her, “I am very sorry it has come to this point. I will contact you if I do not receive a check. I wish you luck with everything.”

 

Lesson learned. NEVER lend “friends” money.

[Thx]

I'm trying to think of a time I lent a friend money and it turned out okay...

 

Um, I'll get back when I think of one.

 

What I always hated, was not only am I out the money, now I have to waste more time effort and money playing collection agent and being the bad guy. (And try and continue a "friendship" when their reputation is shot.)

 

Statistically, it is amazing how many people were "good for it, you know me bro!" and then somehow run into a financial calamity like a car accident or medical problems.

 

Another thing that always irked me would be if it were a relatively small amount...

 

At first it's "Hey man, $20 would save my life..." (...and you know I'm good for it...")

 

To "Hey man, it's only $20, you'll get your measly $20..."

 

My thinking is "Well if it's only a piffling $20, why have you not paid it back in 7 months?"

 

At least this experience now might save you mucho dollars and angst later.

 

Thx

[Moontiger]

 

At least this experience now might save you mucho dollars and angst later.

 

Thx

 

That is the only good thing that has come out of this. I am never lending money to anyone again. The thing is, this wasn't a small amount of money. If it was I could let it go and simple move on sans Lisa in my life. But, this was a good sum of money. If she could just START paying it back I would be fine.

 

She brags about this great job she hows now, then complains that she is broke, then talks about buying a new car and moving out of her parents house, then claims she cannot even get together 50 bucks a month to start paying me!!!!

 

Thank the power that be I am leaning my lesson now.

[Thx]

That is the only good thing that has come out of this. I am never lending money to anyone again. The thing is, this wasn't a small amount of money. If it was I could let it go and simple move on sans Lisa in my life. But, this was a good sum of money. If she could just START paying it back I would be fine.

 

She brags about this great job she hows now, then complains that she is broke, then talks about buying a new car and moving out of her parents house, then claims she cannot even get together 50 bucks a month to start paying me!!!!

 

Thank the power that be I am leaning my lesson now.

 

Yeah, I realize you're talking about rent and a deposit, I was just giving an example. I have had hundreds of those.

 

The worst I can think of, I lent a neighbor $225 for a court fine he had put off. "C'mon man, $225 will save me from jail!"

 

Six years later he finally pays me back after he inherited 30 thousand.

 

Did he come to my door with the money?

 

No, I had to go hound him and shame him into paying.

 

Another fellow borrowed $10.

 

I saw him on the street 2 months later and he told me he has been out of work because a power line broke, fell on his head and shocked him. Now his nerves are shot so he can't work...

 

I know I have "lent" out a shiney new Corvette over the years, 100 people at least who've shlubbed me off, I hope by now I have learned my lesson, lol.

 

Thx

[WockaWocka]

Ugh. That sucks. I try to never lend money to friends (at least money I can't spare) because I hate being the "bad guy" debt collector. I would write out a formal letter to her and send it via certified mail. You could send a copy to her parents. In the letter you should outline the terms of the original agreement, the amount owed, and that you insist on payments of (say) 10% or even 25% per month until it is paid in full. Try to be as factual and businesslike as possible.

 

If there is still no response after a few weeks you might try taking her to small claims court. You can represent yourself, and sometimes even getting a summons in the mail will get people with a guilty conscience to pay it off right then and there (though sometimes they become belligerent and it's tough if you don't have any written agreement or original correspondence where she acknowledged owing you the money).

 

Hope you get it back!

[AndiD]

I've "lent" money to friends repeatedly, and I've been paid back every time but once. Lent in quotes because my folks always said don't lend money to a friend - give money to a friend with no expectation of getting it back, and don't give more than you can afford to give. Then if they give it back, great. There's something negative added to a friendship, I think, when there's a "pay me back" hanging over it, even in the best of circumstances. The one person who has not paid me back has honestly never had the money. I gave her the money to help her get away from an abuser, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

[WockaWocka]

Lent in quotes because my folks always said don't lend money to a friend - give money to a friend with no expectation of getting it back, and don't give more than you can afford to give.

 

I completely agree - I never lend money I can't afford to lose. OP your situation was a bit different because clearly getting the apartment depended on all 3 of you paying, so in a way you may have felt you "had" to lend her the money in order to move in. But next time around you will be more careful, maybe press her to get her parents to loan the money instead.

 

I hope you've found a new roommate by now, someone who pays her rent on time!

[jas56]

Thats pretty trifling, that she would go out on her dime and not even think about paying you back. Me personally, heh I try never to borrow anything. If I do, its paid back asap. Whats funny is years and years ago my cousin had an older lara croft tomb raider game that i wanted to play (even though I had just gotten the brand new version that came out). I wanted to play the old one so i know what to expect in the new one. Well my dad told me not to take my cousins game out of the house. Nevertheless, I went to another cousins house with the game in my back pocket. Heh you know the end of that story. I sat down, it broke and I had to give him my brand new game to replace the old one. Lesson learned.

[Moontiger]

I feel like such an idiot for lending it to her. I like the idea of sending a letter by certified mail to both her and her parents. I have given her until the 30th of this month so if I don't receive any payment by then that is what I will do.

 

Thanks for all the support. I was feeling like the stupidest person on the planet. Thank the powers the be I have ENA!

[Moontiger]

I just wrote this up really quickly and wanted to get some opinions. I am going to be sending this by certified mail if I don't receive payment soon.

 

Lisa,

 

This letter is to inform you that as of (DATE) I have not received any payment toward the $XXX that was loaned to you in May of this year.

 

The original agreement was that I would loan you $XXX to cover your first month’s rent and your part of the security deposit for the apartment we intended to move into in June of this year. You would then pay me back once you found a job taking a portion of each pay check to pay this debt. While ultimately you did not move into the apartment this money was still loaned to you previous to you decision to move back with your parents. This decision occurred just days before the move in date. The agreement still stands as you currently are employed and able to begin paying the debt.

 

Due to the length of time (four months) where I have not received any payment towards this debt and during which time it has come to my attention that you have been able to affording going out to bars and other establishments I must now insist on the following:

 

• Starting November 1st I receive a check from you to pay off part of the $XXX.

• One the first of each following month I receive a check payment of at least 20% of the total $XXX.

• This would mean on the first of each month I receive a check from you in the amount of at least $XXX until the $XXX is paid in full.

• All communication regarding this matter must now be handled in writing through either traditional mail or email (please see below for both addresses).

 

Based on the above calculations the debt will be paid in full by March of 2011.

 

Also, please be aware that if payment is not made legal action will be taken.

[WockaWocka]

I just wrote this up really quickly and wanted to get some opinions. I am going to be sending this by certified mail if I don't receive payment soon.

 

Excellent. Glad you are doing this. Letter looks great! Few quick suggestions to improve:

 

*I wouldn't say "was loaned"; I would say "I loaned";

*Try to mention specific date you reached this agreement if possible;

*I would take out the "employed and able to begin paying the debt" as it makes it seem like she could find another reason she's "unable" to repay the money. You could say "I gave you a four-month grace period while you were unemployed but now the funds need to be repaid" or something.

* instead of "previous to" I would say "prior to" and you could also mention that she reneged on the apartment at such a late date that it was impossible to find someone to replace her until the following month.

* I wouldn't mention being able to go out to bars, it's not really relevant what she does with her money.

* the last sentence about legal action - instead of making it a threat I would try to emphasize that you want to keep things friendly. I might instead say "I prefer that we settle this matter ourselves without having to involve third parties. The amount loaned is a substantial sum of money and your decision to move elsewhere did not negate our verbal agreement about repayment." or something of that nature.

 

Good luck to you!!

 

P.S. Careful about the return address on the envelope - you may want to use her employer's address or some other neutral return address, since I believe she has a chance to see the envelope before signing for it and if she sees your name she may simply refuse to accept it. Signature delivery is an alternative that wouldn't require a trip to the post office but would accomplish the same objective (link removed)

 

Cheers!

[MinziGirl]

Bravo! I reckon that the next time if you want to lend any money to anyone, first make such an invoice & have them sign it. Then they won't be able to back out so easily as you can then go to the small claim court & get that money back directly.

 

I once lent 800 euro to an ex-bf of mine... didn't get a dime back... however, i did get much much more than 800 euro of blessings back from my everyday life since then... So what goes around, comes around...

 

A person who is drinking every night is not a happy person in his/her own heart no matter how (s)he lies about it.

[Moontiger]

Thanks for the feedback! I also want to send a copy to her parents since she is living in their house and I strongly believe that I won't be seeing a cent unless her parents push her to pay her debt.

 

Wocka, Thanks you for letting me know about signature delivery. I certainly want to make sure this letter gets into her hands and have proof that she received it.

 

Minz, Ouch! 800 euro is a lot of money. I glad that things worked out for you thought. Lisa is not a happy person nor has she grown up much at all. Right now she feel like she is above everyone in life since she got job right out of college making $30,000 a year. I have had more of a struggle to find a full-time job and right now I am working part-time as an assistant manager of a clothing store.

[LAYAAN]

OP, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

There is something that I've learned in my life kinda hard way (similar to your experience) and I have made up my mind.

1) I never ever room with my friends. I mean it. These are good girls, but I normally have had roommates that I can be firm, and stern with in terms of my expectations of them as a roommate. I have chosen my roommate carefully and I normally start out fresh with someone.

2) I try my best not to ask my friends for money and I try my best not to give them major amount of money. Money spoils relationships so quick... you can't even imagine.

 

Can you sue this friend? Do you have enough evidence?

[WockaWocka]

Can you sue this friend? Do you have enough evidence?

 

Hopefully it won't come to a lawsuit and if she sends the letter and alerts Lisa's parents the debt could be settled within the span of a few months. Going to a court and presenting evidence without a written agreement would be trickier, but some emails from Lisa that implicitly acknowledge the need to repay the debt could go far.

 

I agree with your assessment of living with friends and loaning friends money. It's one of those things that often has to be learned the hard way, unfortunately (for me too). MinziGirl I'm heartened to know that even though you didn't get your money back you feel like your life has been blessed in other ways. Often these are expensive lessons to learn!

 

Moontiger I'll be curious to hear how it turns out if you get a chance to update us!

[Moontiger]

Hopefully it won't come to a lawsuit and if she sends the letter and alerts Lisa's parents the debt could be settled within the span of a few months. Going to a court and presenting evidence without a written agreement would be trickier, but some emails from Lisa that implicitly acknowledge the need to repay the debt could go far.

 

 

So far I haven't heard anything. The more I think about the more I know what I need to do. I gave her until the 30th to send me check and I was only going to send the letter if I didn't receive anything by then. Now, I think I need to send it ASAP. As for evidence I have close to 40 text messages from her regarding this topic. All of them basically say, "I have a check for you. My mom is going to put it in the mail." or "I had some expenses come up so I can't pay you right now." I also have the text messages she sent me telling me she wasn't going to be moving in.

 

I have been talking with Lisa's best friend who is also very upset at her because of this situation. I told her I didn't want to get her in the middle of this but she has chosen to go talk to Lisa and tell her what is what.

 

SO I guess you could say I am making progress but not really going anywhere right now

[MinziGirl]

Even when she has written to you in an email that she will pay back the money to you, it should be already evidence enough for the court to proceed. Anything that is written by her acknowledging that she owes you that money is enough for the court.

[MinziGirl]

Minz, Ouch! 800 euro is a lot of money. I glad that things worked out for you thought. Lisa is not a happy person nor has she grown up much at all. Right now she feel like she is above everyone in life since she got job right out of college making $30,000 a year. I have had more of a struggle to find a full-time job and right now I am working part-time as an assistant manager of a clothing store.

 

Yeah... i guess i was lucky enough... sooner or later, one learns to be careful with money. I learned that once a man start asking money from a woman, he will never give it back... that goes the same for best friends too unless there is a written agreement signed by both persons.