The Reminders of Her

[virtualjedi]

Deleted.

[Hannibal]

It is deffinately good to hear that when alone you are not constantly thinking about her.

 

I know what you mean about the smallest thing reminding you of the person you miss. However for the most part (and speaking from expeirence here) we don't really miss the person, instead we miss the person we hoped or thought they were. Try to remember that next time you're thinking about who ever that person you lost is, chances are they're not the person they cracked up to be.

[mahlina]

Wow! Listen to Hannibal. He really got it down. Good Job! Your post caught my attention. I admit, I still sometimes, feel the same way like you do. Just watching a TV show, or the channel itself, or driving on the freeway, sometimes makes me tear up inside. I'll always remember the good times, but like Hannibal mentions, when my rationality kicks in, I start to remember him for the creep that he was. Then I realize, there's no point on holding onto grudges.

 

What I'm saying is: Relationships, good or bad, are meant to teach us listens. We have to take the good with the bad. Although our 'initial' impression of our ex's may not be true, realize that the 'ideal' person that we have in mind, is still that same person that we're looking for. In the relationships that fail, we should realize that our ex's, just weren't the 'right' people to begin with.

 

Sometimes, when people hold onto the 'wrong' partners for too long, they end up in getting into more arguments. thereforeeee, the relationship gets too unhealthy. In some cases, it starts out with verbal disputes, and then leads to physical abuse. The more two 'wrong' partners hang around with each other, the more they butt heads with each other. thereforeeee, if one partner doesn't know how to control their anger that well, they'll act out in physical abuse. That happened to me. I should've just realized that 'holding' on was the worst thing to do. Sometimes, we just have to learn to 'let go, and accept consequences' for what they are. Good thing your relationships did not escalate to that point.

 

However, keep in mind, in order to truly move on in our hearts, we must first:

1. Forgive

2. Let Go (really convince ourselves that our partners just weren't the 'right ones).

3. Regain our Own Personal Integrity- Switch modes. Find ourselves again.

4. Learn from the Relationship- Learn from our mistakes.

 

I know that when getting involved with someone that you love, you start losing yourself, thereforeeee, when the relationship's over, it's important to 'shift focus' on improving ourselves. That means that we shouldn't resort to 'negative' thinking. When people give into pessimism, it's like unnecessary baggage, that makes it harder to 'truly' move on. thereforeeee, it's important to remember the good times in the relationship, because in the end, we're all human. It's just that our partners weren't the perfect match. Doesn't mean that they're bad people. (Even if it does escalate to violence, we still have to find it in our hearts to forgive. Otherwise it makes it 10 times harder to ever truly move on.)

 

Relationships are meant to teach us lessons. Take the good, and separate it from the bad.

 

Good Things that We Should Take- Positive memories, which helps us to 'reinforce' what we do want in 'right' person. It helps us to clarify who we truly want in our 'ideal' mates, not the exes.

 

Bad Things that We Should Take- Traits that we didn't admire. The bad memories that help us to sort out what we don't want in the 'right' person.

 

Bad Things that We Should Leave Behind- Thoughts of regret. Thoughts of fear. Negative thinking.

 

If we chose to not effectively learn from these experiences, and resort to pessimistic thinking, then we're only hurting ourselves in the end, while the ex's enjoy the 'good life.' Why? Negative thinking is a 'setback.' It stunts personal growth, and prevents a person from ever, truly accomplishing their goals, to move on with life, and to find true happiness. We can't live life and be truly happy, when we feel animosity in our hearts. Life's not about living with regrets. It's about taking past failures, and turning it into strengths, so that we are able to feel happy again, and hopefully bump into the 'right' person.

 

If we walk around with a negative attitude, we will most likely attract the 'wrong' partners again. It's cyclical. We haven't learned our lessons. thereforeeee, it's important to take the good with the bad, and take our heartaches with a grain of salt. Time will do the healing. Be wise about your thoughts and decisions, because life's too short to focus on the 'bad' things. Let the past be a learning lesson, and carry on from there.

 

About the little stuff that reminds us about our ex's. Sure, it's nice. But realize that 'time' will do the healing. Those little memories are what we should cherish, and help us define what we do or do not want in our next partners. I.E. if you're watching Comedy Central, a channel that you guys used to watch, and you start thinking about him/her, maybe the next person that you want is someone who enjoys the same stuff- Humor. What I'm getting at is, those little things that touched your heart, are the things that you should keep to remind yourself of what you're looking for i an 'ideal' mate, not the ex. They were a mere image of what 'ideal' is. They only helped us in the end, to really get to know what we truly want in the right partner. In the beginning, we kinda don't have as much of a clue, because we haven't learned from experiences yet. thereforeeee, every relationship is unique, because it teaches us lessons that will help lead us to finding the right person.

 

Keep in mind: "Live and Learn"….. "Make Wise Decisions" …."Don't Live Life with Regrets"….."Enjoy Your Life Each Day".

 

These are some of the phrases that I keep telling myself, when the little things pop up in my mind, and reminds me of my ex. I hope that it will help for the two you guys too. Hang in there. Take Care- Mahlina

[virtualjedi]

I personally never thought of it like that. Your posts have enlighten me and made me stronger indeed. I will take the advice to heart.