Starting to see the light!

[rich1]

For those of you who haven't seen any of my previous posts, my ex dumped me almost exactly a month ago, she was depressed, her nan was ill (and has since died) and she claimed she needed to be alone because she doesnt know who she is anymore, and needs to be single and look after herself.

 

since the breakup i was a complete mess, i wasnt eating, or even getting out of bed for that matter, i was constantly checking her facebook (despite her deleting me, claiming it is too tough for her to see what im up to) and stressing over every guy that posted something on her wall.

our 1 year anniversary would have been around a week ago, i messaged her and apologised for the way everything had turned out (im no good at NC at all!) and she said that she had screwed me over, and felt really bad, and that we should call it quits on the hurt we caused each other.

 

since this time there has been a small amount of friendly messaging via facebook (resulting in me adding her as a friend again), with her at one point asking how i felt that we were talking, i said i felt it was good as i really missed her, she agreed but said that she didnt want to get my hopes up, i responded my pouring my heart out (wrong move i know) and she said that she couldnt cope with knowing that she has hurt me so badly, that we could be friends, but that i shouldnt think we will end up together because we wont.

 

ok fair enough! its over, conversation continues a little, i ask her what she is up to that night, she says "im seeing a friend, dont know what we're going to do though, maybe go for a drive!?" - this rang alarm bells for me, she always told me the names of the person she is seeing, even since the split - so of course, im going to assume she is seeing another guy. it probably isnt but i will assume, and she knows this! so when she asks me what im upto, i respond in exactly the same way! im seeing 'a friend' for drinks and a movie!

 

the next morning, who should text me very early? thats right! the ex! asking how the previous night with my friend went! i said it went very well, and made a point of not asking her how her night went. she asked what we did other than watch the movie - i completely sidestepped answering her, and changed the subject FINALLY! i feel like i have regained a little power!

 

she texts me a couple of hours later complaining of how she is bored at work, i intentionally leave it a good few hours before i respond, but hear nothing back since then until the evening when she claims she was too busy to talk. i suggest meeting up (i want to exchange the rest of our things, and tell her face to face that im glad we broke up) she says she is seeing friends and cant! good old facebook! she forgets i can see her wall! her excuse was obviously BS and she spent the night in alone drinking wine!

 

its weird, but i feel really good! i know she misses me, or at least hates the idea of me moving on, but i just dont care! i know i can do better, i let this girl DESTROY me, and she just doesnt care! she keeps the lines of communication open, knowing how i feel, and knowing that it hurts me! and i dont want to be with someone like that!

 

thanks for reading my GIANT rant haha! i feel so good in the knowledge that i was the best thing that ever happened to her, and one day soon, she will realise it, and it will be too late

[Triplell]

I've found that talking to your ex is a terrible move if you're trying to get over her, or even if you're trying to reconcile.

 

When me and my ex first broke up, we were talking nightly a week later. This lead to another few months of dating, then another break up. Same thing repeated itself a couple times.

 

She finally has resisted talking to me, and it sucks. I want nothing more then to talk to her. However this has been so painful, I can't just take her back. Even if she unblocks my number and calls me sometime, I have to let her go.

 

Find something else to get your mind off her. If anything else, find a rebound girl. Even if she doesn't live up to your expectations, there is nothing wrong with some casual dating. Many people are strongly against this, as it can be unfair to the other person.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but you're not doing yourself any favors by staying in contact with her. I would stop taking the bait, and put an end to playing by her rules. Remember that she dumped you, therefore she lost the privilege of being in your life, and now it's time for her to face the music.

 

As long as you play your cards right, you do have the upper hand.

[rich1]

dont get me wrong, i have no intentions towards making contact now, i have bookmarks all over my pc that simply state "you win!" to remind me that any contact from now on will be made by her, and that i will win in the long run because she will be the one missing me! if she doesnt contact me, so be it! i can have fun and heal knowing that no amount of effort i make will ever be worth being back where i was!

[rich1]

i win!! just got a text from her informing me that she has seen a job that i might like to apply for. will be ignoring that!

[rich1]

i hate how much that text has actually played on my mind today!

 

why would she be sending me this text? she knows i regularly check the site in question, and her wording of the text itself was very strange:

 

"hey there! i know you cant text back but theres a job advertised *details etc* if you havent seen it yet! x"

 

i cant fathom why she thinks its ok for us to talk?

 

i didnt reply, but i found myself really wanting to just say "ok thanks" or something along those lines, all i can think about it ways to get her attention - though i wont give in to it.

 

its weird, i had a feeling she would contact me the day before yesterday - she did, and the same with today. im just hoping she doesnt talk to me tomorrow too!

[rich1]

ok so we're meeting up tomorrow! its mainly to exchange things, but i cant help but stress about the situation!

we have been texting all day today, and its like we're back to how it was when we were first getting together, having a laugh and a joke. i expect to get answers to my questions, but little interest from her, but she actually seems interested, asks if im ok, what im up to etc...

she has told me recently not to get the wrong idea about us being friends, but knowing how i feel about her, why would she be being like this? its like im getting mixed signals!

 

i dont know how to handle tomorrow, do i just tell her that i cant cope and we shouldnt talk, or should i just be me and have a laugh with her? potentially reminding her of what she lost??

[rich1]

we ended up meeting tonight, ended up going for a walk and talking about the whole situation for 2 hours.

i told her i wanted to know exactly how she was feeling and that i needed the reasons, no matter how much they hurt me.

 

she said that she was in a bad place with the stuff going on in her life, and that everything that had happened had made her feel differently about me!

 

i could tell she was really desperate for us to stay friends, she was crying lots, and i was fighting my tears back. ive ended up telling her that now she has made her decision, she doesnt deserve to be a part of my life anymore, and that we cant stay in touch!

[bwhite00]

Then I recommend you stick with what you said and vanish while silmultaneously healing yourself. It takes time. And 100% NC. Good luck.

[rich1]

Then I recommend you stick with what you said and vanish while silmultaneously healing yourself. It takes time. And 100% NC. Good luck.

 

yeah, im taking it step by step. this evening i deleted her from facebook and messaged her asking if she would make her profile private too, she asked if i wanted her to delete me too, but alas, id beaten her to that. she said ok, and has now done it, its scary, i know i shouldnt be looking at what she is getting up to, but at the same time its difficult to let go!