have I pushed her away? Have I lost her forever?

[fellowes7892000]

Hi all, please help me:

my girlfriend & I of 2 years broke up. She could say she loved me after about 6 months, but I couldn't. she waited until about 3 months ago and I finally said it, but by then she was so convinced I would never say it she had talked herself out of it. She didn't love me anymore. She ended it but after a week apart we talked about it and she agreed we should try to work on it. 2 weeks later she got drunk and kissed a guy who was moving in on her for ages. She told him straight away it was a mistake and then told me straight away. I totally forgive her but she obviously doesn't forgive herself and says that it must have meant she could never love me again.

 

I can see in her eyes that she still likes me but she says that she can't get back together with me because it's too hard and too messy, and she doesn't think she can ever love me again. I've told her I still love her and forgive her but she can't make herself do it. She has noted all different reasons at various stages 1. It would be too hard, 2. she doesn't love me anymore, 3. She is in a messed up place, 4.she needs to know that she doesn't have to depend on me to make her feel good (she has struggled with depression).It's killing me, and I don't want her to be getting depressed again.

 

Do I keep fighting for her or just get over it? I truly thought she was the one. She did too once and I really think she can love me again., Unfortunatley we've now been apart for about a month and every time we've talked I've totally broken down and it's ended up with me almost begging her back. I hate it. Is it too late to give her space and get her back or have I forced her into getting rid of me forever. I want to text her or write to her just to let her know that I'm sorry for making it hard for her when what she needed was space, and I really don't want her to remember me as a groveling loser, but as the guy she could once depend on who was strong when she needed him.I really try to respect her decision but it's so hard because she always focusses on the negatives, and I'm worried I've forever lost the girl I am in love with.

 

help please ???

[KillSwitch]

Sorry to hear that dude. Some adivce i can give you is give her space, trust me, my ex gf broke up with me 4 months ago, and i did all the begging, crying for her to get back with me. But that pushed her further away from me. I definly regret that now. i talk to her as a frind now, and she told me that if i didnt give her pressue and nagging at her etc, and gave her space and time she was concidering to make it work again. So i blew it. So dont contact her for a while so she can have sapce and time, Trust me man!!

[cassiana]

It sounds like you have had a tough old time of it. I'm no expert but I broke up with my ex last April because he was under pressure. I was very upset but had heard about this no contact rule. I plagued everyone both online and offline, what would be the best thing to do to win him back. The majority consensus was don't make contact. You are too upset and hurt to do anything but cry and plead which apparently doesn't help. So I haven't done that and I will let you know if NC actually delivers when he is finished his exams. However from my own friends etc I have seen people completely stuff up then change tactics and win back the situation. One girl I know had been dating this guy for 7 years but he lived at home and wouldn't move out. They broke up a few times when she tried to puch him and he would refuse, but though she did the dumping she would come crawling back and the issue remained unresolved. Towards the end they actually were broken up , went away for a weekend and he proposed to her and she put on her grandmother's ring. But then he lay waake next to her all night tossing and turning and was odd all weekend and she said do you want this and he said no. They broke up and by the weekend she was on the phone saying this is too hard. They got back together but broke up again.

At this stage her friends took her in hand. She booked a flight to Australia to visit relatives and when she came back, she went car shopping. She was aloof when he rang and always busy. They were engaged within three weeks and married 7 months later.

So if you stuff up , its not necessarily over. It might be but it might not be. So forge on with your life and see what happens.

good luck.

[brokenpogostick]

i'm not sure why she would change like that on you, but i agree with the previous posts...she prolly does need her time & space, but that doesn't mean that she'll want to jump back in. i know you're hurting, but if her heart isn't in it you can't force it to be. it's hard enough to make a hurtful decision like that and even harder when you have someone begging for you back that you just don't want to go back to. let her heal a bit