Why baby?

[loneisland]

I met this man of my life when he was having problems with his wife in their marriage. They are going through a divorce now and we've our own plans ahead. I haven't yet really walk into his life physically (restricted by distance) and I would rather wait till things is over there. I trust his love for me. I trust every words he said and I believe we will have a great new life together.

What bother me is they have a young baby which is in between this complicated situation. I dont understand why there is a baby when they are having a serious relationship problem? I have seen some of you talking about going for a divorce but can't decide because of there is a baby. Maybe this is a silly question but why could you make love to your wife when you already decided to leave her?

I wish I can just get this out of my head as I know he has got his whole heart for me now and we'll leave the past behind. Or will we?

[brokenpogostick]

well...people do some weird things...maybe he just needed the physical attention. some people have sex just because it's there, not because they actually care about the person. i know that it will make your situation very very tough, but if he truly does love you then you'll be alright in the end....he will never be able to 100% leave this woman behind because they do have a child together, that's just something that you're going to have to deal with. if it's meant to be, then you will be fine.

[loneisland]

Thanks. I guess it is just plain jeolousy to think of the reason. Silly but it hurts sometimes. I actually asked her on this but he told me he himself couldn't answer it. Maybe men don't need affection to have sex afterall. That's sad. I know the baby will always be there and he will always be the father, apart from accepting the fact that they will still meeting each other from time to time. I should be glad at least he is not abandon his responsibilities. But it is always easier to say than done.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Loneisland

 

Don't actions speak louder than words?

 

I would be very very careful here, there are so many problems here:

 

1) He has not yet separated, and has not gone through any grief/healing process, and if jumps into a new relationship, will not go through them, meaning he will have unresolved issues.

 

2) I am very suspicious of any man/woman, that looks for a partner before leaving there old one, if they can do it to them, they can do it to you, because thats who they are.

 

3) Im not sure about the time frame of this Baby, did he get her pregnant after saying he loved you? if so, than he cheated on you. Now if he got his wife pregnant just before meeting you, then that means he went looking for someone after he found out his wife was pregnant. either way, it dont look good.

 

You believe he loves you, he probably believes it himself, he feels he "needs" someone if he leaves his current woman, I doesnt want to feel grief, and/or be alone.

 

If you decide to continue with this relationship, let him move out first, let a month or two go by, before joining him. He will want his crutch as soon as he leaves his current relationship, you do not want to be a crutch, you want him to love you for who you are, not want you because you can ease his pain.

 

If he can go at least 2 months, and not go running to his ex, then you will know you have a winner. I would put my money that he will return to her within the first month, or he will find another woman real quick, to pacify his needs, which of course he will leave to go back.

 

You believe he loves you? fine, let him prove it.

[brokenpogostick]

i totally agree, gilgamesh...that's a good way to look at it...currently, i'm not sure if i'm not a crutch of some kind to my bf...we got together just over a week after he walked in on his ex cheating on him...i didn't know this until like a month into our relationship...but it was great in the beginning, but kind of spoiling now (i won't go into that here), but i totally understand where you're coming from being the "supporter" with a partner coming out of a bad relationship.

[loneisland]

Thanks Gilgamesh, I thought of what you said thousand times. Same for him. He felt guilty to have me involved before settle the previous matter. You have a point, we wont jump into the new relationship right away. I suppose he needs time to get his head cool.

Well, he got her pregnant before he said he loved me. They had a comfortable life without love for many years. We have been supporting each other emotionally but somewhere along the way we crossed the line. Thoughest thing was she has expecting.

I was the trigger but not the cause. Maybe this is what you mean by 'he feels he 'needs' someone if he leaves his current woman'. I dont know. I am matured enough to think of everything you said Gilgamesh, which I did. Perhaps my problem is I chose to believe everything he said because I do love him. Love makes me pathetic. sigh.

[sisterlynch]

I changed my mind about this post

[babybees]

hi loneisland...

 

awee...can't believe that people really do have the same problem and situation on this earth..

i have exactly similar situation as yours, except I was in the position of the "wife" of your man..

my x went to another woman when i was pregnant. so he did say he loved her after. the thing that made the situation a bit different was i left him 2 months after the baby was born for 5 months. so that made their relationship much different..

you're right it is really true that baby always make us meeting to each other time to time..and that exactly what my x expects me now and in the future..(eventhough when we both have our own lives).

 

im not trying to against you here...but the relationship really depends on the man...whether he really tries to end his relationship with his wife or not..so good luck!

 

babybees

 

_________________

 

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so

regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us". (Alexander Graham Bell )

[loneisland]

Hi Babybees,

Thanks for sharing. It must have been tough for you. Honestly sometimes I wish they don't have to go through the divorce. It would be easier to miss 'another' man (no matter how great he is), easier way out for myself too. I might feel lost but if it is better for him and the wife + the baby I guess I would rather let it be. I asked him to stay in the relationship and they did try. In fact it has been more than one year since they tried. It was the wife who initiated the divorce eventually, as she feels that there is no love left anymore. I dont know if things would have been different if I wasn't there. They think this is better for the baby too, rather than witness the separation when he is bigger. They are not enemies and they agreed to call it a quit. I don't know if the wife know about me but i think she does. I just don't know if one day if she would hate me. I know I shouldn't bother about how others think as long as I know I've no regrets. He is such a nice man and he just can't be happy with his current life anymore. I know he tried so hard and he has chose to stay for years. He finally made up his mind when he realised that he deserve a new life. We are just unfortunated that the baby is there. I know it would always be soemthing that is in my mind or maybe I should try to learn to love him too when it is the time. Thanks for the good luck wish and thank you all for sharing your thoughts.