I am so in love but we have so many conflicts

[edexter73]

I have been dating a woman for a year and a half, I am 31 she is 28. Our relationship has been up and down the whole time. We got together when she was going through a divorce after 3 years of marriage I had been divorced for 3 years. I did not trust her from the start, she is very sexual and flirtacious, she cheated on me 2 months in to our relationship. I let it go and took her back but it was always in the back of my mind. She continued to use him as a weapon against me whenever we got in a fight,called him went to his house etc. I decided it would be a good idea to make her see the light by doing the same thing she did to me but it backfired and just made things worse. She ended up cheating on me twice in a week only stopping because I found out. We had several more breakups and getting back together episodes. During one she told me not to see anyone else and neither would she but she was seeing someone else and they ended up having sex. We got back together again but she was still having contact with him, using him against me also. She finally stopped and things were going good or so I thought. She cheated on me again twice in one week with an ex whom she has never gotten over. It has been like this the whole time, I have left out several more infidelities for times sake. Here is another problem. Our sex drives are so far apart, she needs so much sex and attention that I have a hard time keeping up. She thinks I am not attracted to her enough because of it. I am wondering if it is me not being attracted to her anymore because of all the past problems. I will lose erections in the middle of sex, oral and regular, my mind is not there. But I do love her and I think I am sexually attracted to her but I don't know. I have never had erection problems with past girlfriends but I have with women that just didn't do it for me. Is this relationship doomed. She told me she couldn't take the sexual problems anymore and wants to break up. Is this worth fighting for? We are emotionally so close and are best friends. She lives right down the street from me and I don't know if I can handle seeing other men at her place when I drive by, this is killing me because I love her and still want her but she is so indifferent. What to do?

[Gilgamesh]

She is not worth fighting for, she obviously does not know the meaning of commitment.

 

When she cheated on you the first time, there was no excuse, and after that she would always look for a reason to cheat, why she have to have sex? why couldnt she go off on her own and try and work things out.

 

Her attitude is, ok we got problems again, Ill go have sex, then work things out, if he gets angry at me, I just blame it on him.

 

 

When she cheated on you the first time, that should have been a big warning, You cannot have a balanced relationship without trust, she does nothing to earn that trust.

 

I say get away from this woman, run as fast as you can! find a woman that will "talk" when there are problems, someone that does not use sex as a weapon, or tool to get what she wants. And doesnt cheat on you, everytime you leave the toilet seat up. well you know what i mean.

[OceanEyes]

It surprises me that after everything you know about her, and how many different times she's cheated on you, that you would still wonder what the 'right thing to do' is. It's obvious that you feel very strongly for her, but I have to tell you - you guys have probably the most immature and pointless relationship I've ever heard of, and after all that's happened, there is just no way that it will work out to the point that you can both respect and trust each other.

 

What makes you think that she'll stop cheating, even if things are "great" between you at some point? This is a woman who will go have sex with some other guy just to get back at you for an argument you might have? There is just no decent excuse for this, regardless of what you've said about having different sex drives. This woman does not care about your feelings.

 

I think a big part of the reason you're having problems sexually is that you're not totally comfortable with the situation, even if you're not consciously aware of it. Your nerves are obviously very bad, and if things are always this volitile between you and her, of course you're going to have erectile problems. Heck, I would be worried about what she was bringing home from other guys if I were you!

 

I'm sorry if this is going to sound mean, but I can't give you hope in your situation. You are with a cold, selfish woman who obviously cares for nobody and nothing but her own self-absorbed life. Any person who uses having sex with someone else as a way to make you feel bad after an argument is sick. This is not fair and will leave you a broken man if you let it continue. Have some respect for yourself and show her the door.

[spiderman_56]

u can't have erections cuz ur mind is not there ... u may start the erection but during the act smth comes up consciously or unconsciously and then bye bye erection ... and she probably feel it , the excuse " u don't love me anymore"

cut everything loose , give urself time without , take the exit ... u need it more than never b4 , do it 4 urself b4 u sink into an depression.

hope this helps

[Mun]

Hi,

You have to ask yourself why you have put up with this. This is not a good, healthy relationship by any means. Your gf has some type of sex addiction or might use sex to make herself feel good about herself ( I'm not a doctor) She needs help.

 

You will do best to get away from her as soon as possible and never look back. I have no doubt your sexual problem is due to the fact she has cheated on you so much. I think that if stay in this situation you will keep having this erection problem, and later even with other women. It tends to affect your self-esteem and it's very hard ( but not impossible) to cure.

 

Realize that the problem here is not you or the fact you are not that sexual, she has very serious problems and probably had them before you came along.

[wigton]

Clearly you are a very compassionate person, but I sense some insecurity issues. Otherwise, why would you allow yourself to be treated this way? If possible, you need to move away from her asap and move on with your healing. There is no way she will ever be the kind of person you want her to be-she doens't seem capable of true emotional intimacy. There also seems to be some codependency issues here at work-you can't help her overcome her problems and she clearly doesn't want to by her actions. Meanwhile, you're losing your self-respect and esteem. While you feel better for a short time because you have her back, you can't be intimate with her because deep down, you really don't feel close to her anymore.

[Ryan]

If this girl really loved do you think that she would cheat on you that many times? I would definetly end the relationship just because another guy had sex with her while she was with you!

[sutton]

you have to remember this -

 

cheat once - shame on her. cheat twice (or more) shame on you.

 

dude, you have got to get rid of her right away. she is a meesy woman. she is selfish and sounds like she needs some serious professional help.

 

i know you love her, but she is a lying cheater. i just got rid of one myself. you will feel liberated when YOU say buh-bye baby!

 

just do it man!

[OceanEyes]

cheat once - shame on her. cheat twice (or more) shame on you.

 

HA! What a line, I'm going to use that sometime.