Has he changed and should i give up?

[sifa]

Hi all...had posted my story a while back, my bf broke up with me after about a year together, told me things like he was feeling too much pressure, didnt feel himself with me anymore...it was hard to understand because he was the one who started talking of settling down and all that very early on in the relationship...it s a long story but to me it felt like he was panicking...he d been saying so many good things about the relationship just weeks before...we talked, i told him there was no pressure but at the end of the day i didn t want him to be unhappy...there was no fighting or shouting, we both agreed if things were meant to be, we d get back together at some point...

 

well it s been 4 months since then, and we ve met on a number of occasions because we work in the same field...i had asked him to go out for a drink alone and talk early on but he told me he needed time and i didnt bring it up again...but his behaviour has been strange and far from consistent. Sometimes he s affectionate, especially when we re alone, other times he acts like i m not there, barely says hello, seems to avoid talking to me...very often he breaks off a conversation saying he has to go...he also seems different in other ways, saw him a few weeks ago after a few weeks not seeing him and he was so different, very negative, so unlike him...then i called him up to say happy birthday recently and he was lovely, was really happy i hadn t forgotten him and had phoned...then saw him again last week and he was cold with me again...his behaviour with me changes even in the same hour sometimes...things he s said to friends also confuse me, like saying he really wants to settle down but cant find the right person, when he was telling me that he doesn t want to settle down, that his happiest times were when he was single....

 

some mutual friends tell me he s changed even with them and that he s not the guy he used to be...but i find that hard to accept, because there are little moments with him where i see the guy he used to be, i see the affection is still there...i ve tried to keep contact to a minimum apart from when we have to meet professionally, i only called him up for his birthday...but i still feel as confused as ever...he was the one who told me that he had been good friends with his ex and we could still have that, and go out for a drink once in a while....so why can t he even face having a conversation with me sometimes? My friends tell me to forget about him, that i shouldn t be treated this way but it s not that simple...i do still love him, and i still believe in my heart that his decision was based mainly on fear...i ve said all i could possibly say to him and he knows just how much i care...i know there s nothing more i can do, and i ve tried to keep busy, do new things....but he s still there in my thoughts all the time, i still worry about him, i still love him and i still haven t given up hope...so what are your views on my situation? how do you not give up hope without going mad?

[Mun]

Hi Sifa, unfortunately there really isn't much you can do at this point. It is still up to him to come looking for you. Why? because he is the one that is not ready. Things are not going to start happening until he is ready for them.

 

He said he wanted to settle down and he may have been sincere. You say that he still shows affection sometimes, so obviously he still cares. Give him some time. The best way to "remind" him that you are a catch is to be easy on him. You are doing well in not persuing him, that would only alienate him more.

 

Maybe you should avoid him a bit at these business meetings, if possible. He might feel pressured to talk to you and that is why he is kind of distant.

 

When the pressure is off you'd be surprised how quickly a man realizes he misses you and wants to be with you.

 

Best of luck

[sarahmaria]

what muneca said is so true...

give him a little time and more space and he'll come around... it happens all the time with guys, the more they think someone is making themselves distant from them, the more they'll come and talk and chat you up...

don't worry if its meant to happen it will happen..